Sick of Being Sick

Two years ago, I was in an amazing place related to my overall physical health. Then I began getting sick and my energy would decrease at times to the point where just going to work was too much.  I would come home at 5:30 and head straight to bed. 

I turned to doctors for answers but we came up empty handed time after time and test after test.  At times I felt crazy. Truly, like I must be making this up, but I kept coming back to the realization that this wasn’t my lifestyle or the norm for me.  There had to be something wrong!

These feelings of sick and exhaustion would wax and wane throughout the month and leave me exhausted most of the time.  Instead of hitting the gym 5-6 times a week I was tired and often had terrible brain fog.  

My primary care was at a loss and referred me to a GI specialist (4-5 month wait to see them) and put me on medicine for the acid reflux. 

I returned to a NP I had seen previously at my regular doctor and pleaded for him to do any bloodwork he could possibly think to do.  I figured that was the cheapest possible way to try to find the culprit.  He did tests for food allergies, autoimmune diseases and regular blood work panels.  

Finally, after 16 months of struggling, I was diagnosed with Alpha Gal, a tick-borne illness.  Alpha Gal is often described as the Red Meat Allergy, but let me just say that it is SOOOO much more. 

I have to avoid mammal meat, mammal byproducts (which are in EVERYTHING), gelatin, carrageenan and mammal is often in natural flavorings.  Eating, at times, becomes a total nightmare.  I had to change my shampoo, conditioner, body wash, medicines and the list goes on…

I have been able to find suitable alternatives for almost everything, except cheese.  Eating out is still a bit of a nightmare, but I have a few safe places now.  I still can’t just grab something on the fly, as it takes research, planning and time to be sure I don’t risk suffering later. 

I am still nowhere close to where I was two years ago, but I am a lot better than 8 months ago.  My symptoms are mostly GI related and the intensity of my fatigue and sensitivity to reactions waxes/wanes throughout the month.  I still suffer from extended periods of exhaustion. 

Additionally, I am certain there is a mental component to this, as I went from a very active person to finding some days almost impossible to get through.  I have learned to live with a fairly large amount of discomfort, as I can’t afford for it to stop my daily life. 

But there is hope on the horizon.  This week I have an appointment with an alternative medicine doctor in Charlottesville to get a procedure called SAAT.  I have read a lot of testimonials, and people with Alpha Gal have seen a drastic changes in their health after treatment.  I am holding a lot of hope for this procedure to put my Alpha Gal into remission. 

Stay tuned…

 

 

Coming Together and Taking Care of Ourselves

The world is hurting right now and it is calling for us to come together for the greater good.  There is a lot of suffering, but massive amounts of powerful energy out there fighting. Whether it is a community coming together to provide for each other, workers risking their own safety to serve others, an online meditation group created to help people find silence and peace, friends checking on each other or groups finding new ways to connect virtually.  It is a beautiful display of coming together to support one another.  . 

In situations like this many of us will ebb/flow through the emotions of our daily circumstances. At times it will be necessary to draw into ourselves and pull away from the larger picture.  This does not make us selfish or uncaring, but instead this is more an exercise in self preservation. Practicing self care is just as important as it is to care for each other.  Truthfully it is much harder for us to take care of others in our lives if we neglect time and attention spent on ourselves. 

In a world full of so much uncertainty we know one thing for certain; we will come out the other side forever changed.  There will be a lot of healing needed and the lessons of these days, weeks and months will be necessary in moving forward.  Take this time to do things like practicing self care, being patient and empathetic with those around you, you never know what battles they are fighting, and find the positive out there, I promise there is A LOT.

The true beauty in life isn't found among the times we cruise along without bumps.  No, it is the challenges that cause us to grow, think beyond ourselves and reach out for that which is greater than ourselves.  Look for the opportunities to come together, grow and energize the world.  We will make it through this, but we need each other to get there. 

Let's join hands, figuratively of course, and walk through this. We will need to pick up those that may stumble or fall, some of us will be stronger some days and other days we will need others to help us take that next step. Together we will make it. 

Sending much love to the world as we all we face this together!

Sometimes People Reach out for Help When WE Need it the Most

Although our summer was amazing and filled with lots of outdoor active fun, I did not keep up with my gym workouts and I lost track of eating right, most of the time.  However, I would not change a thing!! This summer was one for the book of our best family summers.  But as fall started and we got closer to the cold and dark months of the year I needed the routine.

I tried a few different things, like running with Cate, getting both kids out with me to walk, eating more at home, but it just wasn't all falling back into place.  I was searching for that one thing that would get me back to that sweet spot, but it was eluding me.

Then a friend reached out to me for encouragement and support.  It is a wonderful honor to have gained the reputation of someone who others reach out to for help getting back on track, even though I can often be found out there trying to find my own way back.  I have even been told that friends think of me when they are exposed to burpees.  I am honored that my hard work over the years, even if I falter at times, has made me known as this type of person.

As I was saying, a friend reached out for support and I was honored and jumped into action.  I must admit I was not at all excited that this meant I should be more accountable for my own decisions.  I mean isn't it a bit hypocritical to tell someone else all the things they should be doing when you aren't doing them.  So I started doing a little more here and there.  I started back to my running routine, pulled out my weight lifting program and started it back with normalcy, and began tracking my food. And....

Man, I gotta say I feel great!!  It is amazing that when I lose this routine I don't just crave it to an extreme because of how awesome it feels, but I guess the yumminess of the ice cream, pizza and cereal hides it.  I am such an emotional eater too.  I will get upset and instantly start craving foods that comfort me and make me feel better.  I will always fight that, but for now I am winning again.  And it feels amazing!

So to my friend that needed help and reached out to me, THANK YOU!!!  A hundred times THANK YOU!  I am honored you thought of me when you needed help and so grateful you reached out.  I hope to keep working together to get us further down the road toward our goals.  As I have always said... It won't be easy, but man it is worth it!!!

Focus and creating change

This winter had me in a bit of a funk. If it wasn't for my workout regimen, I might have slipped into a bit of depression.  But I feel it is all starting to turn around. As the days lengthen, the warmer days begin and green reappears my mood has begin to lighten.  With this comes new energy and focus.

I continue on my weight lifting journey. I am working hard and focusing on creating a body that works the best for me for as long as possible.  I am even struggling with an injury but it does not stop me from showing up and giving it my all each and every day.

I feel a sense of peace and gratitude when I think of my current weight lifting journey. I began it again in the fall of last year and it is such a beautiful part of my life.  It makes me feel strong, beautiful and a total bad ass.

The interesting part of this journey is that the results aren't quick.  I can't step on a scale and see a difference each week.  My progress is measured through pictures and videos that show small improvements.  I have learned to celebrate things that to others might seem insignificant.

Sure, the progress is slow but I have fallen in love with the way it makes me feel.  There is something very therapeutic about lifting weights. I call it my therapy, but in all honesty it feels better for me mentally than any counseling I have ever done.


I realize my body transformation isn't going to happen quickly, but I
feel like I am on the right path. So I will keep showing up and putting in the work. I give my all in these workouts and it will all pay off.  It might not be visible tomorrow, but this is not a sprint or even a marathon.  This is a lifestyle where there is not a defined finish line.  Instead my aspiration is to enjoy a lifetime of being active and doing all I can to strength and support this beautiful body in every way I can.

We have but one body so take care of it.  After all it is the only place we have to live.  

That was good for my soul

I had not realized how much we needed to reconnect until it happened today.  We have spent the last few weekends home with barely any plans. You would believe this to mean relaxation, rejuvenation and connection with each other. However, I think it was just doing our own things in the same space.

The thought to get out of town and explore someplace new was a selfish desire. However, I believe everyone benefited greatly from it.

It was an afternoon filled with chatter, jokes, sharing thoughts and ideas. The kids acted like small children. They played, explored and imagined. It was good for my soul and likely theirs as well.

Time in nature provides something to my body that is very similar to a drug.  It lightens my mood, changes my perspective, brings positivity, and everything I do after it is enhanced greatly because of what I experience out there. It provides clarity and so much joy.

I am truly left with a high after our day.  From the drive over to the Chesapeake. Then the two and half hours of hiking, exploring and beach walking. Followed up with trying a local diner and sharing our food because we  loved it so much. All topped off with the drive home listening to our favorite podcasts while the kids slept. Yep this day was good for my soul.

They won't all be like this but I want to hold onto this high for just a while longer. I know someday these kids won't be so little anymore, but one thing is for sure these are the days I cherish the most.

Go For It!

When you set out to climb a mountain you start with taking that first step and then another.  With each step you begin to put space behind you and a little less of it between you and the top.  You glance backwards from time to time and realize how far you have come.  Even when the road ahead seems never ending each step means you are closer to reaching the top.

There are so many challenges in life where these same principles hold true.  Whether it is a physical obstacle, a difficult time in your

life or even a stressful day.  We have a choice each moment to look at what is left to be completed or take a moment to glance back at how far we have come.

I am often guilty of focusing too heavily on what remains on a project, to do list or the never ending list of household chores. From time to time I will look at those things I have accomplished, checked off or moved beyond, and realize that there is much to celebrate.

This weight loss journey has been a focus in my life for almost a decade and being overweight has been an almost constant in my life since I was a kid.  Therefore, it is often hard to realize what I have accomplished.  Sure a lot of it is the number on the scale, but I have transformed my activity level, energy, body composition and my

families overall lifestyle.  Although I have been successful on this path, I will always have to remain vigilant.  I also need to appreciate the success of my journey.  I have come a long way!

With each goal I reach I create a new one; however, I am learning to be more appreciative of the journey.  It is good to set the bar a little higher each time, but we must remember to stop for a moment to realize the accomplishments made.

For those struggling with their own journey here is a little message from the old me.  You can do it, and I believe in you fully.  I realize that right now it does not seem possible, but it is waiting for you.  It won't be easy, at times you will want to quit, but I can tell you with 100% certainty that you won't regret one sacrifice you make to get
there.  Even if you can't imagine that it is possible start working toward it.  I think you will be pleasantly surprised at the amount of strength, willpower and success you have. You are worth it! 

Now go out there and get to it.  Whatever the goal is you have, go conquer it! 

Struggles Develop Your Strength

I was recently reminded that our strength comes not from the easy days but from those moments that test us, where we are at our weakest and most vulnerable state.

I can tell you many times in my life where I felt with total certainty that I could not live through something.  I started over twice in high school. I remember feeling hopeless, lost and lacking all ability to make it through the day without knowing anyone at the new school.  When my father died I felt faced with another obstacle that was going to be impossible to move beyond.  Then there were the moments where I looked at the scale and saw a number that seemed too large to ever conquer.  These certainly differ in magnitude and their overall impact on life, but each felt like it was an impossible situation.  However, I am still here today and that much stronger because of these moments.

I truly believe that a life is made more beautiful not by ease but by those times that we have to dig deep and realize our own strength to overcome.  We are each much stronger than we believe and are loved more than we could ever imagine.

When I witness people in the depths of these moments I understand their feeling of total consumption, despair and the belief that it is just too difficult of a situation to see the other side.  Although I never claim to understand the pain felt by another, I try to gently remind them of their strength, beauty and all the love which surrounds them.  It has been in the darkest moments of my life that I have realized the amazing love that is shared with those closest to me.  So lean on those who care, do something to honor a loved one you have lost, celebrate the victories and cherish each day you are given.

Life won't always be perfect.  We won't always feel strong in the face of tragedy, challenges or conflict.  However, not only will you have the strength and fortitude toovercome, you will come out stronger. Believe in yourself, support and encourage those around you.

You are stronger than you realize and more loved than you can ever imagine.