There Will be Days Like These

We are all going to have a mix of good and bad days throughout life.  There will be some days that require little effort and all the details fall into place.  Everyone at work is nice, easy to work with and appreciative.  At home the housework is enjoyable, the kids are compliant with all requests and energy levels fit the work that needs to be done.  You feel like a rock star, compliment yourself on how awesome you are and spend the evening relaxing in the joy of a day gone right. 

Then there are those days, yep you know them, where nothing seems to go the way it should.  You get out of bed and there is a dark cloud that follows every step.  People seem harder than usual to work with, every task requires unnecessary effort and annoyances surround you.  These can be hard to get through but they are just as needed as the simple ones.  

Rough times are an opportunity to grow, become stronger and learn new lessons.  Sure they don't feel good at the time, but many times we look back with the realization of what we have done and pride in the accomplishment.  Sometimes it is just the sheer shock that we made it through alive.  

As a teenager, I remember multiple occasions where I felt I was facing circumstances that would be unbearable.  One that I hold near and dear is when I learned I would be moving my junior year of high school.  I felt the pain and agony of facing a whole school of people I did not know and felt it would certainly mean the end of me.  The truth is I made it through.  Sure I skipped lunches sometimes to call my mom because I did not know who would accept me at their lunch table; however, I lived and grew through it.  

Then when faced with another move my senior year my outlook changed.  This time it was anger and my target was set on the party responsible for these acts of terror.  My goal was to be as awful as possible to them.  They were to be punished for this irrational uprooting during my teenage life.  I could not understand the obvious disregard for my life and feelings.  

Of course, like so many difficulties we face in life, I look back now with amazing gratitude for these occurrences.  If not for those two moves, many amazing things would not have happened in my life.  I also appreciate the circumstances my parents were given and the decisions they made for their family, even with a child that made every step as difficult as possible.  

We often don't appreciate the times of struggle until many years down the road.  I try to remember the times that things which appeared bad on the surface turned out to be opportunities to grow. It helps me limit the time I focus on bad things and take a slightly different perspective.  Often the crappy days or occurrences can't be controlled, but the amount of time we dwell on them is ours to own.  If you can't change it or it has already happened, then try to realize the lack of control you have over it, learn from it and move forward.  

We can't change the past and worrying about the future does no good.  Therefore, focus on what you can control which is this very moment.   If you make a mistake, move forward from it.  If you have a really rotten day, sleep and awake to a fresh day.  If you are mean to someone or treat them unfairly, apologize and show them you mean it.  

I am guilty of not focusing enough on others at times or being short tempered; therefore, I often try to focus on improving these things.  We are all going to have imperfect moments so allow them to happen but not linger any more than necessary.  Let them pass and move on. 

This moment is a culmination of all that has happened before it.  To wish one thing different has the possibility of impacting the reality of today in a negative way.  We don't know what each day holds, but we have control in the way we learn from it.  Sure awful things happen with what seems like no sensible reason; however, we must learn to heal, seek acceptance and grow from it.  Live life to the fullest and experience every moment to its fullest potential.

It is Your Journey....

I recently read something that made me stop and think about how we treat ourselves.  Many people, me included, have a lot to learn about what we envision for ourselves and our daily lives.  The reality of what we compare ourselves and our lives to is most likely very different than what we see or choose to see.  

I am always the first to admit that I don't have this life thing all figured out.  Some people appear on the surface to have it all in their corner, but often they are hurting, lost or long for something we don't see.  Most mothers have seen that one woman that is all put together, her children listen to every request and she handles every moment with grace and ease.  You might look at her, start to make comparisons and find yourself falling short.  But there is so much we don't see in the lives of others that make it truly fruitless to compare. 

Maybe it is that person in the gym that seems to complete every exercise with what looks to be little or no effort.  They lift the 60 lb dumbbell like it is 5 lb and squat to the floor.  You find yourself hiding in the corner afraid of showing what you feel is inferior ability.  Truth is you don't know their story, the path they have led to get there and what is possibly years of hard work they have endured.  

Many of us travel similar paths but cross at varying times on our journeys.  The appropriate human reaction is to greet others as our travels collide, encourage/celebrate/provide support, if requested, and move forward with focus on our own path.  Everyone has gifts, stories and experiences to share, but you have to quiet your own ego long enough to truly learn from what they have to teach us.  

Our lives are unique to us, our marriages are not the identical someone else, our children are a combination of genes and traits that no one else has.  Therefore, it is unfair to look to the outside for a picture of what we should expect to happen in our own lives.  In my experience, we are most often much better parents than we give ourselves credit for, have marriages that are stronger than we realize and have more blessings than we could ever count.  

Along the same lines, don't let someone else dictate how your life, marriage or family should function.  This is a personal determination made from within the core group and should not be open for others to judge.  If you aren't living in that house, then appreciate their right to make the decisions they feel are best for them.  If it is not effecting you, there is really no need for involvement. 

Last but not least, don't ever, ever, ever compare your material wealth to someone else's.  We each live our lives with different areas of focus.  Some are very career driven and give a lot of time and effort to work.  Many enjoy spending money on houses, cars, material possessions.  Then others trade career for more time with family, less income and less material things.  

Not one of these ways of living is 100% the right way to live your life.  It is a very personal decision that every family makes, and it should be respected by those on the outside.  It is equally as important to accept the choices you make for yourself/family and not compare where you are to others. Whether someone has more or less than you makes them no less of a person.  We all make choices that bring us to where we are and to what we have in life.  It in no way depletes or inflates our importance in the whole of life.  

Move forward on your path and don't allow your idea of what you should be doing come from the view of others or your view of what perfection looks like on the image of another.  This is your journey so live it to the fullest and celebrate the amazing beauty that it is.  

The Struggle to Find Routine Again

It has been almost four months since my last entry.  I could say that I have been too busy with packing, finding a new house, moving and getting settled.  However, the truth is the fat girl was in control.  In all seriousness, I was headed down a much too familiar path, and I knew that writing would mean facing that head on.  Blogging is often a way I work through my feelings, fears, barriers and find strength.  It also has a way of holding me accountable.  Instead of facing the truth of my actions, I turned to food for comfort and began to believe that I had justified reasons for skipping the gym.

It is frightening how easily I slipped out of the healthy patterns that I had created.  One bit of unexpected news, and I was full of excuses to pave the road to bad choices and behaviors.  It did not take much to return back to a mental state that has led to many unhealthy choices in my past.  Even though this visit lasted too long, now that I look back, I am happy to have returned to the right path.  Of course every trip comes with some extra baggage and this one was no different.  I am now the proud owner of a new 15 pounds I did not have last year. 

There is a fine balance in my life with allowing for needed time to rest and giving into a part of me that will say one more day or we will start again Monday.  Each time I told myself returning to the gym would come next week or one more day off wouldn't hurt, there was another voice that was sounding the alarm.  There was some weird comfort in knowing that part of me realized what was happening. 

 Now that I am returning to my routine the balance of power has shifted.  The fat girl, as I have lovingly called her in the past, inside of me is fighting hard but now the fighter (beast as some might call her) inside is getting louder again.  She is pushing me into that 3rd round of the interval routine when the fat girl is throwing out all the reasons to stop.  The fighter slept quietly for months with only a few reminders of her presence, but today she stands proud and ready to push harder.  

Of course I could beat myself up about those 3 months and the fact that I will be struggling to lose this weight for months; however, the truth is that it is done and moving forward is the only option. It would be silly to say there won't be times like this again; however, I hope the fighter wins out in the end.  

Life is lived best when pushing limits, expanding thoughts and gaining new strength.  My wish for each tomorrow is to wake stronger, live fuller and love deeper.  Change will not come overnight but each day is a small step forward or backward.  Take the time to remember the direction you are headed, learn from the slip ups and celebrate each individual day on this amazing journey.