One of the reasons the blood clot was such a blow was that my exercise routines were in the perfect sweet spot and my mental state was amazing. I was handling stress with a new attitude and was in pretty good spirits most of the time. In the last two months my mood has definitely shifted and with it my stress level and anxiety has risen. I have felt more insecurity creep in and been much harder on myself. It seems that when things like this happen it is a snowball effect, and it gets bigger and bigger. Therefore, before it increases anymore I am going to take action to stop this progression and shift things. This morning I decided to spend some me time doing yoga and meditation. I turned back to my coloring book for some time of inner peace and silence. It might seem silly to some people, but I can be trapped by the thoughts in my head and led down paths of belief that don't even exist. I can create stories about the way others feel or the path events will move forward on that are not reality. These thoughts can unravel me and leave me in a state of angst. Coloring, yoga and meditation are times where my mind clears and focus is turned inward. It is a time of healing, rejuvenation and renewed energy. I had unfortunately practiced less and less in the last two months.
It is fascinating that at times when I really need the stress relieving effect of exercise or the inward focus of meditation I pull away from them. However, I don't wander far from them, as my mind eventually returns to them. I realize their importance in my life, and the amazing benefits received by their practice. My focus returns to the things which calm my mind, level my mood and help bring peace to my life. I realize this won't take away the stress, the to do list, the medical decisions, etc... However, it will help to ensure I am facing each day from a more centered place.
I never expect immediate changes or to reach that place where I can say, "This is it. Now I am perfect." Truth is, I feel like an ever changing work in progress. Maybe a really large painting that has many layers. Some with exquisite beauty and others that if viewed on their own appear awful. But when you stand back and view it all together it is an amazing work of art.
Our lives are an amazing process. I think the trick to getting past these not so awesome times is to accept them, surround yourself with people that love you through them and keep an awareness of them creeping in and not allowing them too much space. The strongest people I know haven't lived without adversity, but instead have faced and conquered it.
Sharing the times when things suck help others realize they aren't alone, and that it is normal to not feel OK sometimes. I love to be real about life, and I find great connection with others that lay it out there with me. It is refreshing and healing to realize that none of us have it all figured out; however, together we can provide support, encouragement, guidance and healing. I have recently become more in touch with the healing power of offering support to others and taking the support given by them. It is an amazing gift that I hope everyone has the opportunity to experience.
