I hate to report that my weight loss and exercise journey has seen a few significant bumps in the last six weeks. Through holidays, travels, illness and general life stress I allowed my eating and laziness to prevail. At times this was justified due to my health and a desire to rest and listen to my body. Unfortunately, this led to a break in routines. It continues to amaze me how easily the patterns created for years can be broken, but with the support of friends the return to the right path is never too far away. Must keep it in my sights and continue to push toward it each day. I can't focus on the 10-15 pound weight gain, but just making the right choices each day. It is not about looking to the past but living in the present and seeing a bright future ahead.
On another life improvement subject, I have recently been given a reminder of how easily life in general can head off course. I have certainly been guilty of traveling down the path of self doubt, self pity, feeling alone/lost and stressing about such things as work volume and customer complaints. As my life has always had a knack for doing I am sent a signal that reminds me of the truly important things and I find myself overwhelmed with gratitude for the many life blessings.
Many times I have found myself in awe of individuals that among struggles find amazing strength. I have often wondered how I would react in similar situations and whether I could truly display the amazing strength they possess. I find them an amazing inspiration in my life, and gain eagerness to find ways to better my life and that of my children. I believe heavily in an amazing goodness that can come from an interconnection between everyone, the impact that prayer, positive thoughts and a genuine interest to offer help to those in need. We can all benefit greatly from putting our selfish desires, wants, insignificant stresses and focusing on the greater good. Please feel free to join me on a path to make a conscious effort to be a source of light and goodness in this world. I want to focus on making the lives of those around me better and greeting each day with love for life, family and each other.
Saturday, January 25, 2014
Sunday, November 24, 2013
Yep I Will Do That in Public
Each time I entered the gym to do a strength routine my eyes would instantly dart to every corner of the gym to survey the crowd. Would this be a day where the weights would be skipped for something I felt more comfortable doing in front of other people? Or perhaps there was no one in the gym and no fear of looking foolish. I remember days when I headed to the gym for a good weight session, made it half way through and ended up on the bike again because of an irrational fear of what others might think.
When I started my 12 week weight lifting program in October it required equipment that I did not have available at home. Therefore, I had to come face to face with this. It was important for me to complete this routine, and I knew what was necessary for it to happen. The first week in the gym was rough, and I even skipped a few exercises because I was not confident in my ability to perform them well. However, as the weeks passed I became more and more comfortable. As I neared the end of the 12 weeks I walked into the gym with very little regard to the people around, did my work and left. I had conquered this fear or so I thought.
After the 12 weeks ended, I was starting P90X, and was looking at doing it at the gym. So that first day heading into the gym with a new routine in hand my heart was racing. However, with the success of the last 12 weeks behind me, I got it done. Then I returned for each day after that. So I had overcome this anxiety and gained confidence in myself through the process. BUT... There was still one exercise that I was still not comfortable doing. The dreaded burpee around anyone that was not of direct relation to me was absolutely terrifying. I could barely do three of them without feeling completely exhausted. Therefore, as I started the 30 day burpee challenge this was a real concern.
I am very happy to report that two weeks ago I stepped in the gym and faced this fear head on. I have now done burpees in the gym, in my office, in front of my coworkers and even in a park. My burpees are far from awesome, but man have they come a long way.
Although this growing experience on the surface seems to be all about my caring less about what other people think, I believe it is more than that. I began to realize that this was about me. I was doing these exercises to better myself, my body and my life. Therefore, none of these people that I was so worried about really have a place in this process or the right for me to allow them to disrupt it. This journey has been very personal for me. Even though my family, friends and a few complete strangers have been impacted by it, I am doing this for me!
Thankfully I have come to a place where I don't care what they think about my form or physical ability. This journey is one of a very personal nature, and I am truly happy that it now resides in its proper place. Who cares what other people think about what I am doing. I am not doing it for them!!!
When I started my 12 week weight lifting program in October it required equipment that I did not have available at home. Therefore, I had to come face to face with this. It was important for me to complete this routine, and I knew what was necessary for it to happen. The first week in the gym was rough, and I even skipped a few exercises because I was not confident in my ability to perform them well. However, as the weeks passed I became more and more comfortable. As I neared the end of the 12 weeks I walked into the gym with very little regard to the people around, did my work and left. I had conquered this fear or so I thought.
After the 12 weeks ended, I was starting P90X, and was looking at doing it at the gym. So that first day heading into the gym with a new routine in hand my heart was racing. However, with the success of the last 12 weeks behind me, I got it done. Then I returned for each day after that. So I had overcome this anxiety and gained confidence in myself through the process. BUT... There was still one exercise that I was still not comfortable doing. The dreaded burpee around anyone that was not of direct relation to me was absolutely terrifying. I could barely do three of them without feeling completely exhausted. Therefore, as I started the 30 day burpee challenge this was a real concern.
I am very happy to report that two weeks ago I stepped in the gym and faced this fear head on. I have now done burpees in the gym, in my office, in front of my coworkers and even in a park. My burpees are far from awesome, but man have they come a long way.
Although this growing experience on the surface seems to be all about my caring less about what other people think, I believe it is more than that. I began to realize that this was about me. I was doing these exercises to better myself, my body and my life. Therefore, none of these people that I was so worried about really have a place in this process or the right for me to allow them to disrupt it. This journey has been very personal for me. Even though my family, friends and a few complete strangers have been impacted by it, I am doing this for me!
Thankfully I have come to a place where I don't care what they think about my form or physical ability. This journey is one of a very personal nature, and I am truly happy that it now resides in its proper place. Who cares what other people think about what I am doing. I am not doing it for them!!!
Friday, November 22, 2013
What Happens When You Commit to a Month of Doing Something You Dread???
I have come to enjoy most of everything related to exercise in the last few years, with the exception of one. Some people consider it a form of torture and it is used in Spartan Races as a form of punishment for skipping an obstacle. Yes, I am talking about everyone's favorite, BURPEES!!!
If you don't know what a burpee is, go ask someone and pay attention their reaction just from the word alone. It has been known to make people run and hide just by its mere mention. Those of us that have done a burpee or two know what an amazing addition it makes to any workout. You can't argue with all the great benefits of this exercise; however, I will admit that my relationship with them has usually been one of complete avoidance. Therefore, when a friend approached me about doing a 30 Day Burpee Challenge it seemed the answer would be obvious. Why in the world would I want to spend a month doing this dreadful exercise and celebrate day 30 with 150 of them??? Apparently that super crazy part of my brain said yes before the sane part had a chance to figure out what was happening.
So here I sit on Day 22 of the challenge that seemed so obviously absurd. I can't say I know exactly how I have gotten here, but it seems that I have committed myself to this month of dread. In the beginning it was just a mindless thing that took a few minutes a day and was a warm up to my workout. Around the middle of the month it became serious. I have learned to fit burpees into my day in many ways. It is possible that I might have even done some in the closet off my office. Shhh!!! Anyway, as the month has progressed I have developed a pretty strong desire to conquer this b%t$h!!!
Although I refused to admit it for a the first half of this challenge, burpees really do get easier with practice. I am sure most of you don't want to hear that, but please feel confident that I would never lie about something so serious. Also, getting better at burpees impacts your physical abilities in all other areas too. I almost hate to admit that this awful exercise really does some amazing things to your body. When I was at the gym today doing the spin bike it was a truly amazing difference. My squats and lunges have been impacted as well. They are lower, more controlled and just darn impressive. Therefore, I must give burpees their due respect and tell you that they really do kick a$%!!!
So to sit here and imagine the fact that I could not even jump back for the squat thrust portion of a burpee less than a year ago is humbling. I have come a long way from the out of shape broken down body of my past, and I hope to continue to find new areas for improvement.
The scars from the years of self abuse will always remain on this body and soul, however, I find myself further distanced from that place with each and every day. May I never return to that place but always be reminded of its presence and the possibility of returning there.
In case you want to see burpees in action, here is a video of me doing some around day 7 of the challenge. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S9cCipV_XGs
If you don't know what a burpee is, go ask someone and pay attention their reaction just from the word alone. It has been known to make people run and hide just by its mere mention. Those of us that have done a burpee or two know what an amazing addition it makes to any workout. You can't argue with all the great benefits of this exercise; however, I will admit that my relationship with them has usually been one of complete avoidance. Therefore, when a friend approached me about doing a 30 Day Burpee Challenge it seemed the answer would be obvious. Why in the world would I want to spend a month doing this dreadful exercise and celebrate day 30 with 150 of them??? Apparently that super crazy part of my brain said yes before the sane part had a chance to figure out what was happening.
So here I sit on Day 22 of the challenge that seemed so obviously absurd. I can't say I know exactly how I have gotten here, but it seems that I have committed myself to this month of dread. In the beginning it was just a mindless thing that took a few minutes a day and was a warm up to my workout. Around the middle of the month it became serious. I have learned to fit burpees into my day in many ways. It is possible that I might have even done some in the closet off my office. Shhh!!! Anyway, as the month has progressed I have developed a pretty strong desire to conquer this b%t$h!!!
Although I refused to admit it for a the first half of this challenge, burpees really do get easier with practice. I am sure most of you don't want to hear that, but please feel confident that I would never lie about something so serious. Also, getting better at burpees impacts your physical abilities in all other areas too. I almost hate to admit that this awful exercise really does some amazing things to your body. When I was at the gym today doing the spin bike it was a truly amazing difference. My squats and lunges have been impacted as well. They are lower, more controlled and just darn impressive. Therefore, I must give burpees their due respect and tell you that they really do kick a$%!!!
So to sit here and imagine the fact that I could not even jump back for the squat thrust portion of a burpee less than a year ago is humbling. I have come a long way from the out of shape broken down body of my past, and I hope to continue to find new areas for improvement.
The scars from the years of self abuse will always remain on this body and soul, however, I find myself further distanced from that place with each and every day. May I never return to that place but always be reminded of its presence and the possibility of returning there.
In case you want to see burpees in action, here is a video of me doing some around day 7 of the challenge. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S9cCipV_XGs
Wednesday, November 6, 2013
Life Changing Loss and The Years That Follow
My father passed away eight years ago. I remember feeling that life had suddently changed. I spent months with a lot of anger toward older people. It was totally irrational!! I guess it was just part of my trying to work through my loss. I was 29 when my dad died, and my son was 5 months old. It seemed that he was taken from me too early, but I have to remember how extremely lucky I was to have him as long as I did.
There are so many things that continue to remind me of him. It can be a certain look I get from Owen, something funny Cate does that reminds me of how much he would have loved her or all the times we are together as a family. Then there are the times that I can't remember something about him or it seems that life without him as become too normal, and I begin to weep.
A sadness is present about the fact that life is starting to feel normal without him in it. There is almost a sense of guilt about this feeling. I know this does not seem rational, but it is part of my processing this loss and life without him.
I hope to continue to cherish every moment where I think of him, see his characteristics or mannerisms that are displayed through my children or a memory shared with friends or family. One of the best things about my father was the friends of mine that he made feel they were one of his own kids. I have so many friends that I get to share special memories of my dad with because he meant so much to them as well. I love sharing those conversations with them. The fact that my father touched so many lives fills me with joy.
Although his physical presence is no longer with us, I truly know that his spirit lives on within our family and those he loved. I hope that my children get to know their grandfather through the memories we share with them.
As the anniversary of his death approaches I want to focus on celebrating his life and the wonderfaul ways he impacted the person I am today. May this day be a celebration of the love that he gave me and all the ways he continues to touch my life each day.
There are so many things that continue to remind me of him. It can be a certain look I get from Owen, something funny Cate does that reminds me of how much he would have loved her or all the times we are together as a family. Then there are the times that I can't remember something about him or it seems that life without him as become too normal, and I begin to weep.
A sadness is present about the fact that life is starting to feel normal without him in it. There is almost a sense of guilt about this feeling. I know this does not seem rational, but it is part of my processing this loss and life without him.
I hope to continue to cherish every moment where I think of him, see his characteristics or mannerisms that are displayed through my children or a memory shared with friends or family. One of the best things about my father was the friends of mine that he made feel they were one of his own kids. I have so many friends that I get to share special memories of my dad with because he meant so much to them as well. I love sharing those conversations with them. The fact that my father touched so many lives fills me with joy.
Although his physical presence is no longer with us, I truly know that his spirit lives on within our family and those he loved. I hope that my children get to know their grandfather through the memories we share with them.
As the anniversary of his death approaches I want to focus on celebrating his life and the wonderfaul ways he impacted the person I am today. May this day be a celebration of the love that he gave me and all the ways he continues to touch my life each day.
Sunday, November 3, 2013
It Has Been One of Those Weeks...
Sometimes I just don't feel right, and I find it so hard to locate the exact cause. Maybe I fight a little depression from time to time, hormones are off, sleep deprivation or fighting off a cold. Whatever the reason it can wreck havoc on my day, week, etc...
Last week started with some of those down moments where I just felt pitiful. I enjoyed quite a few pity parties, but mostly I was just angry because I wanted my mood to lighten. As the week progressed this feeling did get better. However, it was replaced with a really nasty cold. I was not thrilled to get sick, but I was pretty excited that it caused the mental blahs to leave.
Unfortunately, this less than perfect week caused me to be anything but a pleasant person to be around. My family really does need an award for putting up with me during those awful times. Mind you, they have their moments as well. I would assume we all do; however, I have not lived anyone elses life to be sure. Additionally, I was less than consistent with my workouts over the last 7 days. For anyone that visits the gym regularly, you know that skipping a workout when feeling mentally down brings nothing good to the situation. Exercising when you don't feel like doing it is the best thing for you.
So this weekend was a chance to get myself together and head into this coming week with a new perspective. Due to the cold and a less than normal ability to breath, I decided not to workout yesterday. However, I replaced that time with some serious organizing and purging. This is a healing process for me and energizes me for days/weeks to come. I love to go through the house, get rid of the clutter, pass on things to others that we no longer use and organize what we have. Even today I have experienced moments of true bliss when I have walked into the kitchen to see it so clean and orderly. Even opening my pantry is a delightful experience. Yes, I thrive on these things.
Today we decided to skip church and my morning workout. I wanted some time to reconnect with my family. We took the morning and all slept in pretty late. That was a real treat for everyone because we usually need an alarm to wake up for an early morning activity. It was a true delight to snuggle in bed with Kent for a few extra hours. Heck I even had breakfast in bed this morning. These are the moments that help to rejuvenate my spirit.
So with my mood lightened and feeling pretty good health wise, from the extra rest, I decided a workout was necessary before the day ended. Tonight would have been my third day off this week from some type of exercise, and it just did not feel right. Therefore, I moved my P90X workout from tomorrow morning to this evening. Completing this workout ended the weekend on the perfect note!
This weekend was not the norm for our family, but it was a very welcome change of pace. Kent and I got some time to reconnect and just be together without a lot of commitments. We got to spend some quality time together as a family, and we all got some much needed rest. This has left me feeling good, and I hope to carry this positive energy into my week ahead.
So this weekend was a chance to get myself together and head into this coming week with a new perspective. Due to the cold and a less than normal ability to breath, I decided not to workout yesterday. However, I replaced that time with some serious organizing and purging. This is a healing process for me and energizes me for days/weeks to come. I love to go through the house, get rid of the clutter, pass on things to others that we no longer use and organize what we have. Even today I have experienced moments of true bliss when I have walked into the kitchen to see it so clean and orderly. Even opening my pantry is a delightful experience. Yes, I thrive on these things.
Today we decided to skip church and my morning workout. I wanted some time to reconnect with my family. We took the morning and all slept in pretty late. That was a real treat for everyone because we usually need an alarm to wake up for an early morning activity. It was a true delight to snuggle in bed with Kent for a few extra hours. Heck I even had breakfast in bed this morning. These are the moments that help to rejuvenate my spirit.
So with my mood lightened and feeling pretty good health wise, from the extra rest, I decided a workout was necessary before the day ended. Tonight would have been my third day off this week from some type of exercise, and it just did not feel right. Therefore, I moved my P90X workout from tomorrow morning to this evening. Completing this workout ended the weekend on the perfect note!
This weekend was not the norm for our family, but it was a very welcome change of pace. Kent and I got some time to reconnect and just be together without a lot of commitments. We got to spend some quality time together as a family, and we all got some much needed rest. This has left me feeling good, and I hope to carry this positive energy into my week ahead.
Thursday, October 31, 2013
Someone Please Stop Me!!!
Unfortunately, I know this feeling well and remember the self talk that is currently happening inside my head. It is that voice that tells you it is OK to eat another slice of pizza or that one more piece of Halloween candy won't really make that big of a difference. This very sweet supportive voice, that is really out to get you in trouble, seems so confident that you can eat like crap one more day and turn everything around tomorrow. However, there is one problem. The voice returns the next day to delay getting back on track just a little bit longer. Sometimes she can even talk you into waiting through the weekend because really Monday is a better day to get back on track. Amazing how many of those days came and went in my past and nothing ever changed. The fact is that if you want to change you need to do it that instant and not wait.
Although I have been very consistent with exercise over the last few years, eating right comes and goes with me. I find it the hardest thing to keep under control, but I also find it is the most beneficial to losing weight. Therefore, I must find a way to get myself off this self destructive track of eating crap and then telling myself it is OK. When I sit back and truly think about all the reasons/excuses I have given myself over the years to eat things that I know I shouldn't it is almost comical. One day I get a pass because it was a stressful day or maybe I am feeling a little sick, how can you possibly eat anything other than comfort food when you have a cold, or maybe the world is just not aligned properly that day. Whatever the crazy reason I give myself for allowing that piece of cake, that pizza, the nighttime bowl of cereal it is nothing more than justification for what I know is wrong.
I know there will be slips and days where I eat bad things, but I need to get that back to rare occasions and not a daily occurence. So tomorrow I will steer back to that familiar road and try to get back on track.
The old saying is that nothing worth doing is ever easy. Losing all this weight and the daily battle to keep it off has been anything but easy. However, the benefits I have reaped from all this hard work have been well worth it.
Although I have been very consistent with exercise over the last few years, eating right comes and goes with me. I find it the hardest thing to keep under control, but I also find it is the most beneficial to losing weight. Therefore, I must find a way to get myself off this self destructive track of eating crap and then telling myself it is OK. When I sit back and truly think about all the reasons/excuses I have given myself over the years to eat things that I know I shouldn't it is almost comical. One day I get a pass because it was a stressful day or maybe I am feeling a little sick, how can you possibly eat anything other than comfort food when you have a cold, or maybe the world is just not aligned properly that day. Whatever the crazy reason I give myself for allowing that piece of cake, that pizza, the nighttime bowl of cereal it is nothing more than justification for what I know is wrong.
I know there will be slips and days where I eat bad things, but I need to get that back to rare occasions and not a daily occurence. So tomorrow I will steer back to that familiar road and try to get back on track.
The old saying is that nothing worth doing is ever easy. Losing all this weight and the daily battle to keep it off has been anything but easy. However, the benefits I have reaped from all this hard work have been well worth it.
Tuesday, October 29, 2013
How Goodwill, Testosterone and a Fallen Tree Positively Impacted My Weekend
We spent a much needed weekend away from home, and as with most trips I awoke early each morning to workout. This is a priority in my day for myself and for those that will be around me. Everyone benefits from my workouts because of my happiness for the remainder of the day. I am pleased to say that not only did I get to workout each day, but I even threw in some extra workouts.
When I say extra workouts I don't mean I spent more time in the gym. These are workouts that I incorporated into my days. With this lifestyle I find that my weekend days and vacation days are filled with thoughts of ways to get out and be active.
On Saturday, my mom, sister and myself went shopping at the Goodwill Outlet for 3 hours. And yes this really is a pretty strenuous workout. Not only do you build muscles carrying 5-10 pounds of clothes on one arm, but you are strengthing the other arm as it sorts through piles of clothing. My sister even commented the next day how sore her arm was from this adventure. So there you have it. Next time you are going shopping, skip the cart and carry your goods for an extra workout.
On Sunday my sister's church was doing a volunteer day out in the community. Our first choice project, baking (not much of a workout), was full. Therefore, we got sent to the Carolina Raptor Center. After lunch we were given three choices for projects. First choice was hauling away a fallen evergreen tree. Second was pruning and cleaning around the visitors center and third was cleaning the trails. As has been the case for a while now, my immediate choice was the tree. Why?? Because it was the best possible strength and cardio workout. My how things have changed.
Not too many years ago I avoided most manual labor, and now when given the choice I run toward it. My mother and sister even commented about the fact that my eyes immediately lite up at the mention of the task of removing the tree. I do have to admit I was pretty excited about the opportunity.
It turned out to be a good 2 hour workout of dragging very large limps, rolling and carrying large logs. I got a great workout. Sure I got a little scrapped and bruised, but it was a whole lot of fun.
One of the highlights of the tree clearing was watching a humorous display of testosterone at work. I was the only woman that chose this task, so I was with a group of 5-6 men. In the beginning it just us all working together clearing the area....then came the axe...I have learned that if you give a group of grown men an axe and a large tree they become beasts. It was nothing short of a group of cavemen out there. I could not help but stop and watch them at times.
I can't do the scene any justice, but they were using an axe to finish cutting a very large log that was left. With each swing of the axe they came more alive. Soon they were all around this large tree trunk coming up with ideas for moving it, logistics on cutting it and where they were going to put it. It was one of the most entertaining things I have seen in a long time. Best part... Kent was one of the most active and vocal members of this newly formed caveman tribe. I saw a part of him that I don't think I knew existed. I honestly thought at the end they would start stripping off their shirts and banging on their chests. To see men in this element was priceless.
I guess sometimes it pays off to pick the manly project on volunteer day. You never know what you will get to experience.
When I say extra workouts I don't mean I spent more time in the gym. These are workouts that I incorporated into my days. With this lifestyle I find that my weekend days and vacation days are filled with thoughts of ways to get out and be active.
On Saturday, my mom, sister and myself went shopping at the Goodwill Outlet for 3 hours. And yes this really is a pretty strenuous workout. Not only do you build muscles carrying 5-10 pounds of clothes on one arm, but you are strengthing the other arm as it sorts through piles of clothing. My sister even commented the next day how sore her arm was from this adventure. So there you have it. Next time you are going shopping, skip the cart and carry your goods for an extra workout.
On Sunday my sister's church was doing a volunteer day out in the community. Our first choice project, baking (not much of a workout), was full. Therefore, we got sent to the Carolina Raptor Center. After lunch we were given three choices for projects. First choice was hauling away a fallen evergreen tree. Second was pruning and cleaning around the visitors center and third was cleaning the trails. As has been the case for a while now, my immediate choice was the tree. Why?? Because it was the best possible strength and cardio workout. My how things have changed.
Not too many years ago I avoided most manual labor, and now when given the choice I run toward it. My mother and sister even commented about the fact that my eyes immediately lite up at the mention of the task of removing the tree. I do have to admit I was pretty excited about the opportunity.
It turned out to be a good 2 hour workout of dragging very large limps, rolling and carrying large logs. I got a great workout. Sure I got a little scrapped and bruised, but it was a whole lot of fun.
One of the highlights of the tree clearing was watching a humorous display of testosterone at work. I was the only woman that chose this task, so I was with a group of 5-6 men. In the beginning it just us all working together clearing the area....then came the axe...I have learned that if you give a group of grown men an axe and a large tree they become beasts. It was nothing short of a group of cavemen out there. I could not help but stop and watch them at times.
I can't do the scene any justice, but they were using an axe to finish cutting a very large log that was left. With each swing of the axe they came more alive. Soon they were all around this large tree trunk coming up with ideas for moving it, logistics on cutting it and where they were going to put it. It was one of the most entertaining things I have seen in a long time. Best part... Kent was one of the most active and vocal members of this newly formed caveman tribe. I saw a part of him that I don't think I knew existed. I honestly thought at the end they would start stripping off their shirts and banging on their chests. To see men in this element was priceless.
I guess sometimes it pays off to pick the manly project on volunteer day. You never know what you will get to experience.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)