Fear, Anger and the Light That Shines

Sometimes it is hard to look out into the world because the picture is difficult to comprehend. How does another human have such extreme hate and disregard for human life? I feel anger when these individuals believe their statement is best heard by spreading fear and destroying the life/lives of innocent people. Attempting to make sense of such occurrences is futile.

In the aftermath the focus far too often falls on the horrific events, the party responsible and the violent retaliation.  However, there are powerful stories hidden within that are being missed. There are survivors that have a message to share, strangers reaching out in kindness to each other, individuals thousands of miles away weeping for someone they have never met and the bond formed across different cultures, countries and beliefs to stand together. Powerful healing messages reside here.  

This is not written to get into a political debate, religious discussion or a battle over what is right or wrong.  Instead it comes from a place that desires peace and acceptance.  It saddens me to see humans react with fear and only see the world for all the hate, anger and pain that exists.  I am not naive or viewing the world through rose colored glasses; however, I do choose to walk through life allowing fear no more than its necessary place and without holding onto anger.  There is far too much beauty in the world to allow negativity room in my soul.  

I realize it is hard to see the good when large injustices occur.  Also, I understand that having extreme separation from such situations makes it easier to say all these things. However, I have read writings from individuals directly impacted by events such as war, terrorist attacks and murder who spoke of amazing generosity, caring and opening of hearts with kindness for one another.  If we close ourselves to this side of life, doesn't the enemy win? 

At times when it seems that all the good has vanished into an impenetrable darkness; there is a light. As a person of hope I choose to acknowledge my fears, release my sadness and greet life with the goal to make a positive difference in the world.  

I don't believe it is realistic or healthy to ignore the evil; however, I will not allow it to overwhelm my being.  Fear has a place inside me, but I don't let it to cripple me, drive my decisions or behaviors. 

I can't and won't tell others how to feel about the pain, suffering and difficulties in their lives.  That is their journey to travel, but I wanted to share where my soul resides.  

It is with the light of goodness, peace, love and joy that I will stand.  There is amazing goodness in this world and by remembering that each day I am not choosing to forget those that are suffering but instead believing in the power of humanity to one day stand together for the good of all.  Some might say it is just a dream, but each moment holds the power of change.  Is there any harm in making sure my small impact on the world is a positive one?   

A Decade Without You

On this day a decade ago I stood on a threshold in life that I was not ready to cross.  Life will at times put things in our path that seem impossible to understand or heal from; however, we move beyond and survive.  Things definitely look and feel different on the other side.

When I sit and really let the thought settle that he has been gone for a quarter of my life it seems impossible.  I still weep at the remembrance of walking into the hospital room 10 years ago to the realization that he was going to leave us.  It was by far the most difficult thing I had faced in my 29 years of life.  From time to time the pain and sadness return.  I don't try to fight it as I feel it is just as necessary as the happy feelings of rememberance.  I try to feel what comes and release it back into the energy of the world.  I imagine myself wrapped in your love and that of the universe to which we share.  

Although I have lots of difficult memories of that day, I also saw the amazing beauty in sharing our lives with others. My siblings and family were my rock that day.  I can't imagine having faced it without them and feel that my love for them has grown.  Another lasting impression was left by nurses that passed briefly during this powerful moment in my life.  The amazing gift that a good nurse provides in these moments is something that can't be measured.  I have a very vivid memory of one of the nurses from the final day of my dad's life.  He was truly an angel.  The energy of those around us is powerful.


One of the bittersweet memories of that day was the final moments of my father's life.  I guess if you have to pick a good way to die we did our best to achieve it.  As we knew the end was coming we all gathered around the bed, the room was full of love, and we all sang.  I believe some nurses and possibly the hospital chaplain was even included in this occasion.  Each time I hear Amazing Grace and Kumbaya My Lord I am filled with some really strong emotions, as those were the last sounds my father heard.  The amazing power that we created in that moment was awe inspiring.  It was filled with love and energy.  We were fortunate to be able to be all together at that moment.

Life is an amazing journey and one that I would not desire to change.  Although it seemed unfair to lose my father, I realize everything happens as it should.  Embracing the pain is just as important as celebrating the joy.  It is all part of this crazy ride.

Dad- The feelings rush in strong at times and overwhelm my soul.  I ache for one more moment to tell you all the things I have wanted to say and to share all the life moments that you have missed.  Your spirit lives on within those that you loved so deeply.  I see you in myself, my siblings and our children. Although these moments seem to be filled with sadness, I am often overwhelmed with love and joy with a memory of you. I am blessed to be your daughter, and I will forever hold you near.

Let me Tell You a Story....

The individual stories that we have to share are not ones that we tell friends at a party or share over a cup of coffee.  The tales to which I refer are those that we witness in another persons life through our time together on this journey.  However, we sometimes miss the most important parts because we cloud it with judgement, assumptions and biases.

Try to stop and really soak in the magical plots that form through everyday living. If you open yourself to listening without your minds filters, you can witness some amazing journeys.

Every life has its own set of joys, sadness, hardship, celebrations and beauty.  They each have amazing lessons hidden in their happenings or the way in which the person confronts the occurrences in their life. Try not to be so wrapped up in your own story that you forget about the beautiful ones that are taking place all around us.

Whether a story is filled with adventure and living on the edge or working, taking care of house and family each has a value no different than the other.  If you open yourself to listen to their tale, the miracles of them all can be realized.

I am truly blessed to have a variety of people in my life that allow me to share their journey with them.  I have realized the value of friendship without judgement, bias and conditions.  I find it is a safe environment to share thoughts, feelings, hopes and fears.  It is a place where I feel truly honored to have traveled with others.  For there holds the magic, mystery and true excitement of their journey.
When you accept a person to share their stories without fear of rejection, judging and gossip you get to know them on a whole different level.  It provides the ability to support them, help them realize the beauty in their journey and celebrate it.

May you share your story with someone and listen closely to hear theirs.  It might not be heard from their lips but instead be laid out in front of you over days, weeks or years.  Be there to help them realize it, share it and rejoice in it.  

Each Day is a Gift! Wake, Rejoice and be Present for it!

We hold onto the past, we worry about the future and often forget to enjoy this very moment.  To be present in life is a focus and rejoice in the now.  We can’t change the past and the future is not promised; however, this instant is truly a gift to be cherished.

Often I speed along time with our children because we are running late.  I distract myself from the now with electronic devices, news, social media and TV.  I know the same is true for friends and family.  I am no less guilty than another for wasting valuable, irreplaceable time living in the present before it becomes the past.  However, I am starting now to work on this. 

I have printed some quotes to keep myself mindful of my mission.  I am going to make a bracelet to wear that will remind me of this journey.  I have started practicing meditation again.  I know it is not for everyone, but it changes my outlook, my attitude and my whole life.  

Children live by the example we set as parents, and I am worried about the one that I often find myself living.  I want to take the extra time, even when it does not seem available, to spend listening to their stories.  I want them to realize that they are more important than the news, a TV show, the next item on my list.  I want to forget about the to do list and soak in the present moments with family, friends, etc…

I am blessed beyond my wildest dreams, and I want to start celebrating this in a more deliberate way.  If you would like to join me by taking your own journey into mindfulness, please let me know how I can help.  I am happy to share helpful quotes, tips and bracelets to help you remember that the present is where the magic in life resides. 

Don’t be too caught up in what happened yesterday or might be coming tomorrow.  Rejoice in the present and celebrate the miracle it holds. 

The Struggle is Real

I often find there is an ongoing battle in my own head.  Whether it is feeling like I can't run even a foot further, do one more burpee or the workout is getting too hard and I need to stop.  I blame my body for these moments, but I realize that the majority of the time, if not all of the time, it is my mind that stops me first.

I have read a few things about self talk and the power it has over our success and failure.  It is truly annoying and mind blowing how much we hold ourselves back from doing because our minds tell us it is not possible or we won't be successful.

Many times during our training Cate will say that she can't keep going.  I find myself saying to her exactly what I need to take to heart myself.  The more you tell yourself you can't do something the more likely you are not going to be able to do it.  Of course I let her take breaks, but I do push her a little to make sure she realizes the potential she has when it seems like she can't do more.  However, I would never push her too far.  I want her to learn early on that her potential is endless, as long as she keeps going, trying and not allowing herself to give up too soon.

My mind bounces between believing I can do it all when faced with a challenge or a lot of negative self talk about how I can't do or handle any of it.  Both extremes can even happen in the exact same situation.  How can I get myself to go from the king of the world to a quitter?  I can't find that answer in my physical abilities, but instead in my thinking.

I am looking for ways to improve in this area, and I think that working with Cate is helping.  As a parent I often feel that I can't expect something from them, if I am not going to set the example of that behavior.  This transfers into so many other topics, but I won't bore everyone with my parenting trials.

So the next time you think about stopping before your task is complete or falling short of your goal make sure you aren't letting your mind talk you out of it.  Don't let your self talk make you stop short of the finish line. You have it in yourself to do it, everyone else will agree and support you.  However, if you don't believe it yourself, no one else can make it happen.

I am Drowning!!

No this post is not about drowning in work, stress or the massive amount of rain we keep getting here.  This is a lighthearted entry about a change that I made this week.  It is a very important one that I have found can impact my success with any weight loss goal.  I am trying to drink over 100 ounces of fluid a day.

While I am sitting at work this is not too difficult to accomplish because I sit at a desk, I am close to a bathroom, and my 33oz water bottle is right by my side.  However, when I am at home or on the weekends it becomes something I have to consciously think about.  So I try to think of ways to get more fluids when at home.  I love tea and found that making a pitcher of unsweetened tea really helps.  With my husband it is the flavored water.  Just have to find what works best for you and go with it.

If you want to read about daily water/fluid intake recommendations, this is a good article on it.  http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/nutrition-and-healthy-eating/in-depth/water/art-20044256    

The Need to Plan

I have found lately that I am not doing well with planning my workouts.  I head to the gym, sometimes very reluctantly, without much of a guide for my time there.  But this has got to change or I risk losing this routine all together.  Therefore, I have started to reach out to trainers and friends for some guidance and advice.

As many of you know, I am pretty stubborn so I don't always take the first answer if I don't particularly like it.  I keep searching for someone to tell me what I want to hear, but I often realize that it won't happen.  I must begin to realize that what I want is not necessarily what I need.

Today I received confirmation that this phase of the journey is going to take some changes that I don't really want to make.  Of course progress is not usually made doing the things you always do.  If that were the case, the need for the change would be non-existent.  I guess this is the part of change that is so difficult, especially for a control freak with OCD.

I need to revamp my workout plans and continue to tweak my nutrition.  I received some great insight that highlighted areas in both that might not be in line for my current weight loss goals.  Therefore, I am going to start this phase with some planning.

I think the changes will be better made quickly, but without some plans laid out I don't feel confident that I will stick with it.  So I set out with an open mind, but realize that I can reach out for guidance along this path.

Here is to a new perspective and changes that take me closer to my goal.  It won't be easy, but I can guarantee it will be worth it.