The Struggle to Remain Hopeful

It is heartbreaking to see so many good people talking about how evil and terrible the world has become.  It can be difficult to see violence in the world and not be fearful.  The realization that a person can possess such strong hatred and disregard for human life is unbelievable.  It could make someone worry that evil is everywhere.  However, turning our backs on each other is not the answer.  Fear, anger and hatred are not the response either.  They only let the bad win and provide what it desires. 

I certainly struggle to remain steadfast in my beliefs when facing sadness, violence or the suffering of human beings in the world.  However, my energy remains strong and grounded in the existence of amazing good.  Allowing the fear and hatred entrance into my heart and that of others is only allowing evil a victory.  I refuse to contribute anything to make that more powerful.

The world is a picture with areas of dark and light.  Each day is filled with amazing beauty, laughter, sorrow, grief, joy, loss and new beginnings.  It is the mix that is ever present in life.  However, allowing the negativity to grow larger and cover the good diminishes the light and only creates more darkness.  

I choose to not let negative events or people depict my picture of the world or the human race. It is a choice that is not always easy to achieve. There are times I falter for a moment or two, but the light brings me back.  I hope to always realize and appreciate the beauty and power of the human spirit, even in the midst of horrible tragedy (personal or far reaching). 

My belief is that humans have the ability to come together for a much larger purpose than violence, hatred and greed.  There is a lot of good in the world, and I choose to help make that side bigger and stronger.  My part might be small: however, with each person that chooses to believe, focus and direct their energy toward the good, it grows ever larger. 

Fear, Anger and the Light That Shines

Sometimes it is hard to look out into the world because the picture is difficult to comprehend. How does another human have such extreme hate and disregard for human life? I feel anger when these individuals believe their statement is best heard by spreading fear and destroying the life/lives of innocent people. Attempting to make sense of such occurrences is futile.

In the aftermath the focus far too often falls on the horrific events, the party responsible and the violent retaliation.  However, there are powerful stories hidden within that are being missed. There are survivors that have a message to share, strangers reaching out in kindness to each other, individuals thousands of miles away weeping for someone they have never met and the bond formed across different cultures, countries and beliefs to stand together. Powerful healing messages reside here.  

This is not written to get into a political debate, religious discussion or a battle over what is right or wrong.  Instead it comes from a place that desires peace and acceptance.  It saddens me to see humans react with fear and only see the world for all the hate, anger and pain that exists.  I am not naive or viewing the world through rose colored glasses; however, I do choose to walk through life allowing fear no more than its necessary place and without holding onto anger.  There is far too much beauty in the world to allow negativity room in my soul.  

I realize it is hard to see the good when large injustices occur.  Also, I understand that having extreme separation from such situations makes it easier to say all these things. However, I have read writings from individuals directly impacted by events such as war, terrorist attacks and murder who spoke of amazing generosity, caring and opening of hearts with kindness for one another.  If we close ourselves to this side of life, doesn't the enemy win? 

At times when it seems that all the good has vanished into an impenetrable darkness; there is a light. As a person of hope I choose to acknowledge my fears, release my sadness and greet life with the goal to make a positive difference in the world.  

I don't believe it is realistic or healthy to ignore the evil; however, I will not allow it to overwhelm my being.  Fear has a place inside me, but I don't let it to cripple me, drive my decisions or behaviors. 

I can't and won't tell others how to feel about the pain, suffering and difficulties in their lives.  That is their journey to travel, but I wanted to share where my soul resides.  

It is with the light of goodness, peace, love and joy that I will stand.  There is amazing goodness in this world and by remembering that each day I am not choosing to forget those that are suffering but instead believing in the power of humanity to one day stand together for the good of all.  Some might say it is just a dream, but each moment holds the power of change.  Is there any harm in making sure my small impact on the world is a positive one?   

A Decade Without You

On this day a decade ago I stood on a threshold in life that I was not ready to cross.  Life will at times put things in our path that seem impossible to understand or heal from; however, we move beyond and survive.  Things definitely look and feel different on the other side.

When I sit and really let the thought settle that he has been gone for a quarter of my life it seems impossible.  I still weep at the remembrance of walking into the hospital room 10 years ago to the realization that he was going to leave us.  It was by far the most difficult thing I had faced in my 29 years of life.  From time to time the pain and sadness return.  I don't try to fight it as I feel it is just as necessary as the happy feelings of rememberance.  I try to feel what comes and release it back into the energy of the world.  I imagine myself wrapped in your love and that of the universe to which we share.  

Although I have lots of difficult memories of that day, I also saw the amazing beauty in sharing our lives with others. My siblings and family were my rock that day.  I can't imagine having faced it without them and feel that my love for them has grown.  Another lasting impression was left by nurses that passed briefly during this powerful moment in my life.  The amazing gift that a good nurse provides in these moments is something that can't be measured.  I have a very vivid memory of one of the nurses from the final day of my dad's life.  He was truly an angel.  The energy of those around us is powerful.


One of the bittersweet memories of that day was the final moments of my father's life.  I guess if you have to pick a good way to die we did our best to achieve it.  As we knew the end was coming we all gathered around the bed, the room was full of love, and we all sang.  I believe some nurses and possibly the hospital chaplain was even included in this occasion.  Each time I hear Amazing Grace and Kumbaya My Lord I am filled with some really strong emotions, as those were the last sounds my father heard.  The amazing power that we created in that moment was awe inspiring.  It was filled with love and energy.  We were fortunate to be able to be all together at that moment.

Life is an amazing journey and one that I would not desire to change.  Although it seemed unfair to lose my father, I realize everything happens as it should.  Embracing the pain is just as important as celebrating the joy.  It is all part of this crazy ride.

Dad- The feelings rush in strong at times and overwhelm my soul.  I ache for one more moment to tell you all the things I have wanted to say and to share all the life moments that you have missed.  Your spirit lives on within those that you loved so deeply.  I see you in myself, my siblings and our children. Although these moments seem to be filled with sadness, I am often overwhelmed with love and joy with a memory of you. I am blessed to be your daughter, and I will forever hold you near.