The Struggle is Real

I often find there is an ongoing battle in my own head.  Whether it is feeling like I can't run even a foot further, do one more burpee or the workout is getting too hard and I need to stop.  I blame my body for these moments, but I realize that the majority of the time, if not all of the time, it is my mind that stops me first.

I have read a few things about self talk and the power it has over our success and failure.  It is truly annoying and mind blowing how much we hold ourselves back from doing because our minds tell us it is not possible or we won't be successful.

Many times during our training Cate will say that she can't keep going.  I find myself saying to her exactly what I need to take to heart myself.  The more you tell yourself you can't do something the more likely you are not going to be able to do it.  Of course I let her take breaks, but I do push her a little to make sure she realizes the potential she has when it seems like she can't do more.  However, I would never push her too far.  I want her to learn early on that her potential is endless, as long as she keeps going, trying and not allowing herself to give up too soon.

My mind bounces between believing I can do it all when faced with a challenge or a lot of negative self talk about how I can't do or handle any of it.  Both extremes can even happen in the exact same situation.  How can I get myself to go from the king of the world to a quitter?  I can't find that answer in my physical abilities, but instead in my thinking.

I am looking for ways to improve in this area, and I think that working with Cate is helping.  As a parent I often feel that I can't expect something from them, if I am not going to set the example of that behavior.  This transfers into so many other topics, but I won't bore everyone with my parenting trials.

So the next time you think about stopping before your task is complete or falling short of your goal make sure you aren't letting your mind talk you out of it.  Don't let your self talk make you stop short of the finish line. You have it in yourself to do it, everyone else will agree and support you.  However, if you don't believe it yourself, no one else can make it happen.

I am Drowning!!

No this post is not about drowning in work, stress or the massive amount of rain we keep getting here.  This is a lighthearted entry about a change that I made this week.  It is a very important one that I have found can impact my success with any weight loss goal.  I am trying to drink over 100 ounces of fluid a day.

While I am sitting at work this is not too difficult to accomplish because I sit at a desk, I am close to a bathroom, and my 33oz water bottle is right by my side.  However, when I am at home or on the weekends it becomes something I have to consciously think about.  So I try to think of ways to get more fluids when at home.  I love tea and found that making a pitcher of unsweetened tea really helps.  With my husband it is the flavored water.  Just have to find what works best for you and go with it.

If you want to read about daily water/fluid intake recommendations, this is a good article on it.  http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/nutrition-and-healthy-eating/in-depth/water/art-20044256    

The Need to Plan

I have found lately that I am not doing well with planning my workouts.  I head to the gym, sometimes very reluctantly, without much of a guide for my time there.  But this has got to change or I risk losing this routine all together.  Therefore, I have started to reach out to trainers and friends for some guidance and advice.

As many of you know, I am pretty stubborn so I don't always take the first answer if I don't particularly like it.  I keep searching for someone to tell me what I want to hear, but I often realize that it won't happen.  I must begin to realize that what I want is not necessarily what I need.

Today I received confirmation that this phase of the journey is going to take some changes that I don't really want to make.  Of course progress is not usually made doing the things you always do.  If that were the case, the need for the change would be non-existent.  I guess this is the part of change that is so difficult, especially for a control freak with OCD.

I need to revamp my workout plans and continue to tweak my nutrition.  I received some great insight that highlighted areas in both that might not be in line for my current weight loss goals.  Therefore, I am going to start this phase with some planning.

I think the changes will be better made quickly, but without some plans laid out I don't feel confident that I will stick with it.  So I set out with an open mind, but realize that I can reach out for guidance along this path.

Here is to a new perspective and changes that take me closer to my goal.  It won't be easy, but I can guarantee it will be worth it.

What You Really Need....

Throughout the day I kept putting off my lunchtime visit to the gym; however, I finally made it.  I must admit that I was less than enthusiastic with my time there and I was glad when it was over.  The normal drive beyond my workouts was not there, and another one was on the books for tonight.  

As my workday came to an end I found myself in a very irritated mood, but I knew that walking home from the office typically cured most of that.  This is the time I transition from work to home and release any stress I have from the day.  Unfortunately, today was an exception and the mood sort of worsened.  

I arrived home to a mess of school papers, no preparation on dinner and no one ready for the commitments of the evening.  This further aggravated me, and I thought about just putting off tonight's Couch to 5K training and all other commitments.  I was going to wallow in the nastiness that I was feeling.  However, after getting some food into my son and getting him off to scouts I was starting to feel a little bit better.  Cate and I started to talk about things we could do, and she was eager to get out of the house.  I tried hard to say we were too busy or I needed to do things around the house.  However, in the end I said OK.  

Shortly thereafter Cate and I headed out for the evening workout which I had been dreading and trying hard not to make happen.  The more we moved the better I felt and soon I was actually enjoying it.  

As usual, it proved to be exactly what I needed.  It even began to rain during parts of it and it was a welcome addition.  We had some great conversations and really enjoyed our time together.  So something I almost put off completely ended up being one of the best parts of my whole day.  I am beginning to really love this time with my girl.

As I reflect on my mood today and realize what a difference has been made in just a few hours, I am reminded that I have never once had regret about a workout that I completed.  Oftentimes it is exactly what I need when it seems to be the last thing I want to do.  Cate and I both agreed that this training was the best way to end our day.  She was even hopeful for rain the next time we train.  She reminds me of someone I know.  :)

Reflection and Sources of Inspiration

As week one of refocusing on my eating comes to a close I have had many reasons to rejoice.  It has been relatively easy to adjust back to eating better, exercising daily and tracking my food.  Also, Cate and I have continued on the Couch to 5K program with success.

Doing a 5K training was an idea I had to spend time with Cate and help her begin to enjoy exercise. Each day when I tell her it is time for training she eagerly changes and heads out.  There were a few moments that she had to push hard to complete the run portion of the training, but she pulled through every time.

Cate definitely provides a lot of inspiration to me not only through my desire to help her battle against weight gain but also her ability to push herself to achieve a goal.  I am very proud of her for accomplishing through week 3, and I look forward to sharing the rest of the program with her.  I can't wait to see her complete the first 5K race in 5-6 weeks, and I hope this is just the beginning of a very active life for her.

This week has not brought the weight loss I would have liked to see; however, that is going to take a lot of patience, time and persistence.  I will look ahead to next week and take it one day at a time.

Here is to another week of reasons to celebrate the small things that have a large impact on some of life's greatest accomplishments.  Remember that successes are often built through many small steps, challenges are not conquered overnight but with stages of battle, and change does not come easily. You need to take the first step and then just keep moving forward.  It won't always be easy, but celebrate the successes and learn from the rest.  It is all within your reach, but not without some hard work.

Just Letting it Happen

I started this blog a few months ago, and I am finally finishing it now.  As I read over what I had written I realize there was a purpose this was saved half written for me to find now.  I have a very solid belief that things are presented to us when we most need them, and this unpublished blog entry was definitely one of them.

My life over the last 6 weeks has been hectic, and I have been going full speed ahead without much thought.  I moved along handling each moment and conforming to whatever was needed at the time. Now as my life settles a bit I realize the amazing power of just letting life happen.  So below is the blog I started on this exact subject right before our lives got a little crazy.
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I am fortunate to be able to interact with many different types of people through my work.  I often meet with members that are in the later years of their life, and I truly enjoy listening to their life stories.  Many of them share tidbits of advice, favorite philosophies or memories with me.

This week, in late July, was filled with a few characters. I must admit that some of them I would rather not remember; however, this adorable 80 something year old man is one that left a lasting impression.

Early in our conversation he said "Life is amazing, if you just let it happen." This same phrase was presented a few other times during our meeting.  Each time is appeared was a moment when he was stopping himself from saying something negative, worrying about a future outcome or when remembering a bad past experience. Although I don't know the exact meaning to him, it definitely rang true with so many things for me.

Life is an amazing journey, and we can live it trying to control every moment, action or detail. We can constantly worry about doing the right thing, making the best decision or stressing about the next outcome.  Wasting time on something that has already occurred or is outside of our control is truly useless.  Spending these moments on ways to best adjust, heal or forgive is much more useful.

I have also learned that most of the things we can spend hours worrying about don't always have a large impact on what becomes the future reality.  Instead it is time wasted on not letting life happen. The magical times in my life can definitely be characterized as the moments where I just went with it. It was not about what other people would think, whether I was doing the right thing or the outcome. It was about living in the moment.

Try to spend some time just letting life happen and discover the wonders that it holds.  This is an amazing journey, and we each could use a little more time just enjoying the ride.
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As a reread this post I began to think back on the moments of the last few weeks.  We experienced some losses, new additions and changes to our lives.  These were stressful times and there were moments when that showed. However, times with the most impact were when I let go and let life happen.  It was magical to be present in moments which I allowed to occur without the need to control or change them.

One Day at a Time

Today was a good start and it feels great.  I love when it all falls into place, dinner is prepared when I arrive home, workouts were easily fit into the schedule and very little thought is required to make it all happen.  These days make the process seem so simple.

However the real test comes on the hard days.  The ones where work has been stressful, there is more housework than time and dinner seems like an impossible task to complete.  Those are the moments that test my resolve.  I know they will come, but for now I will celebrate this positive day and look to tomorrow.

This process is most easily taken one day at a time. Like most changes the big picture is too large for daily focus.  Therefore, at the end of each day celebrate the good,  learn, grow and look to tomorrow. Everyday is a new opportunity.

Loss and New Additions

There is something unique and different about animal lovers.  We often shy away from movies not because they are horror flicks but due to an animal dying.  I remember reading books as a child and hating them when the dog died.   And I still won't watch a film that involves a dog dying.  

I am very grateful that I was born into a family that honored the relationship between pet and owner.  This naturally resulted in my becoming a dog lover, and I see the same relationship between my children and the animals that we have had in our home.  There is a very special bond that develops between animals and owners.

I will be the first to admit that animals take time out of your life, they take money for food and vet expenses and you often have to adjust life to some of their needs.  However, I can confidently say that they are worth all that and much more.  I have been repaid for every expense through their outpouring of unconditional love.

 With the passing of Max I was reminded of the role a dog plays in my life and the way I am raising my children.  When I learned of Max’s death it was an awful sadness and some regret that I was not there with him when it happened.  He had spent the majority of his life providing unconditional love to me, and I left him during a time he was suffering.  I still fill with sadness at this thought, but I am comforted that he was with my brother's family and loved.

It was a hard decision whether to wait or get another dog quickly.  The kids wanted to do it soon, and the empty house made my sadness grow.  Therefore, we began the search to adopt a new furry child.  The kids decided it was best to ask Max to bring the right dog for our family into our lives.  Shortly after that they began the search, and it was not long until they found the one.

Kent and the kids said it was love at first sight and an instant bond.  They knew at that moment that our dog had been found, and the next day she came home.  It has been a little over four weeks since we adopted Nellie, but she has become a very special member of the family.  Her presence has not replaced the sorrow we still hold for losing our beloved Max, but it has helped us begin to heal.

Each pet has held a very special place in my heart.  Each time I have lost one has been an awful pain, but I would feel it over and over again, because the joy brought into my life by them is more than worth it.  I am truly blessed that I am able to share my life and my house with an animal.  We love, learn and grow from their presence in our lives

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Time to Refocus

It has been a long time since I have really focused on my eating.  My exercise has allowed me to be very lenient with my diet and not gain any weight recently; however, I never took off the 20 pounds I gained in the winter.  Therefore, I decided it is time to refocus and set a goal.  With my 40th birthday arriving in 37 weeks it seemed like a great time to start.  My goal is to lose 50 pounds before June 7th.  Wow, did I really just say that?

Putting that in writing is a little scary, but this feeling is very familiar.  When this journey first began 7 years ago I was scared of failing, unsure of my ability to conquer this lifelong struggle with weight and worried about falling back into old ways.  However, I discovered strength I did not realize I had, fought against a voice that was hard to ignore and won a battle that seemed impossible at first sight.

Even though the goal this time is much smaller, the task seems just as massive.  My success before was not a result of me alone, and I will look to the same support system once again.  My friends and family are amazing. I know they will be there to celebrate the successes or remind me that the bad days will happen but don't mean failure.

It has been a nice break, but it is time to finish this final stretch that I have battled with for the last five years. This weight has come off and back on a few times, but I am ready to say goodbye for good.

Tomorrow is a new day.  If there is a change that needs to be made, there is no better time than now.  Wish me luck!  Oh yeah... It is not about luck...  It is about hard freaking work and taking it one day at a time.