Go For It!

When you set out to climb a mountain you start with taking that first step and then another.  With each step you begin to put space behind you and a little less of it between you and the top.  You glance backwards from time to time and realize how far you have come.  Even when the road ahead seems never ending each step means you are closer to reaching the top.

There are so many challenges in life where these same principles hold true.  Whether it is a physical obstacle, a difficult time in your

life or even a stressful day.  We have a choice each moment to look at what is left to be completed or take a moment to glance back at how far we have come.

I am often guilty of focusing too heavily on what remains on a project, to do list or the never ending list of household chores. From time to time I will look at those things I have accomplished, checked off or moved beyond, and realize that there is much to celebrate.

This weight loss journey has been a focus in my life for almost a decade and being overweight has been an almost constant in my life since I was a kid.  Therefore, it is often hard to realize what I have accomplished.  Sure a lot of it is the number on the scale, but I have transformed my activity level, energy, body composition and my

families overall lifestyle.  Although I have been successful on this path, I will always have to remain vigilant.  I also need to appreciate the success of my journey.  I have come a long way!

With each goal I reach I create a new one; however, I am learning to be more appreciative of the journey.  It is good to set the bar a little higher each time, but we must remember to stop for a moment to realize the accomplishments made.

For those struggling with their own journey here is a little message from the old me.  You can do it, and I believe in you fully.  I realize that right now it does not seem possible, but it is waiting for you.  It won't be easy, at times you will want to quit, but I can tell you with 100% certainty that you won't regret one sacrifice you make to get
there.  Even if you can't imagine that it is possible start working toward it.  I think you will be pleasantly surprised at the amount of strength, willpower and success you have. You are worth it! 

Now go out there and get to it.  Whatever the goal is you have, go conquer it! 

Struggles Develop Your Strength

I was recently reminded that our strength comes not from the easy days but from those moments that test us, where we are at our weakest and most vulnerable state.

I can tell you many times in my life where I felt with total certainty that I could not live through something.  I started over twice in high school. I remember feeling hopeless, lost and lacking all ability to make it through the day without knowing anyone at the new school.  When my father died I felt faced with another obstacle that was going to be impossible to move beyond.  Then there were the moments where I looked at the scale and saw a number that seemed too large to ever conquer.  These certainly differ in magnitude and their overall impact on life, but each felt like it was an impossible situation.  However, I am still here today and that much stronger because of these moments.

I truly believe that a life is made more beautiful not by ease but by those times that we have to dig deep and realize our own strength to overcome.  We are each much stronger than we believe and are loved more than we could ever imagine.

When I witness people in the depths of these moments I understand their feeling of total consumption, despair and the belief that it is just too difficult of a situation to see the other side.  Although I never claim to understand the pain felt by another, I try to gently remind them of their strength, beauty and all the love which surrounds them.  It has been in the darkest moments of my life that I have realized the amazing love that is shared with those closest to me.  So lean on those who care, do something to honor a loved one you have lost, celebrate the victories and cherish each day you are given.

Life won't always be perfect.  We won't always feel strong in the face of tragedy, challenges or conflict.  However, not only will you have the strength and fortitude toovercome, you will come out stronger. Believe in yourself, support and encourage those around you.

You are stronger than you realize and more loved than you can ever imagine. 

Wanderlust and Happiness

I am not sure if I was born with it but my life is driven by a large amount of wanderlust. I love to explore and travel. The real blessing is that I married a man with a lot of it too. We have raised our kids with this lifestyle. They both took their first road trip at 4 weeks old.

At times our exploration is busier than

others but we are always thinking of the next adventure. It fills us with excitement, anticipation and wonder of what new experiences it will hold.

We make sacrifices to travel and explore, but I would not have any amount of riches in exchange. I strongly believe these experiences enrich our lives in ways that are far greater than anything money could buy.

As we traveled miles of trails among the fall

beauty of New England this weekend, I was reminded of how perfect our family is when among nature. The kids who often bicker were chatting, playing games and the best of friends. My wonderful husband took in all the leaves, views, trees and surroundings. He appreciates the beauty of nature as much or more than me. He often

gets my attention to take in the way the sun rays are coming through the trees or a view that is too good to miss. One of the many reasons I adore him.

Our lives are often filled with arguments about homework, finances, getting ready for the day and other daily stresses. However, this weekend was a blissful reminder of the reasons I love Kent and the family we have created together.

My hope is that everyone has these times together with those they love. Daily lives get so busy and sometimes stressful. Always remember to take time to find your family's happy place. I can't wait for the next time we will visit ours.

Getting Stronger: Desires, Reality and Giving Thanks

This journey has had twists, turns, successes and slip ups.  I would love to say that I have learned the secret to success and lifelong freedom from my issues with weight.  However, I realistically know this is going to be an ongoing area of focus in my life.  One that I realize is worth my time, energy and effort.  

Although I am fit, healthy and thinner, I will have to maintain this lifestyle to stay here.  One of my goals is to build a lot of strength.  This is something I have always desired, but it will also provide some extra fat burning insurance, if you will. Never hurts to have a little help. 

With regards to my weight lifting I want to be clear on my goals.  I don't want to just lift weights to be more tone or in hopes of tightening up loose skin.  I want to lift heavy weights to see muscle growth and development or as much as I can realistically expect in my 40s and being a woman.  Yes, it is frustrating that this will happen along side the loose skin left from the years of mistreating my body; however, I won't let that deter me.  I want to be strong. 

As I see my body change with weight loss and now the beginning of my renewed focus on weight training there is some definite frustration surfacing.  I can't out run, out lift or wish away the scars of all those years of being overweight and unhealthy.  However, I am working hard to not give into it either.  I won't have the perfect body, but I am going to build this one that I have into the best one it can be.  

My life has developed a new speed to it, and I am in love with it.  I want to create a body that will perform at this speed as long as possible.  

There are some very special people in my life that deserve much gratitude for their role in this journey.  They know exactly who they are, and they also realize that their job is no where close to over with me.  Just as I needed your loving support, encouragement and sometimes tough love getting here.  I am going to need it more than ever to stay here and keep me on track for my next goal. This journey has been littered with amazing folks that have been my support when times got tough, my cheerleader when I didn't feel strong, and my rock. For them I am eternally grateful.

"Surround yourself with beautiful and positive people, who love you and believe in you." 

Progress: Keep on Lifting

The first time I set foot in a gym I was lucky enough to have a trainer at work to help me with form, technique and exercises to put together.  For a few years I enjoyed this luxury in the gym at work.  I was terrified to leave that security net when I moved away from Indianapolis, but I am happy to say that I have learned to do it on my own.  I do credit that foundation in my ability to do weight lifting with confidence.

On my path here there were plenty of times I did not walk into the gym with the confidence I have today.  I would shy away from exercises I did not feel confident performing in front of others or felt my form was a little shaky.  I am pleased to say this no longer hinders my workouts.  I get in there, pick my spot, move around as my workout prescribes and get it done.  I hold my head up high and find power in lifting those weights, seeing new muscle begin to develop and feel strength I did not have before.      

I have spent much of the last decade battling off weight that stuck around for way too long.  Now that I
have reached my original weight loss goal, although not where I want to stay, I am working on shaping and strengthening my body.  I have a new pace for my life and I love it.  To keep this going I feel confident that I need to build strength, support and a strong foundation for this body to keep up with all the plans I have in my head.  I don't want to slow down anytime soon and I want to take care of this body to get me as far as possible. 

This week I am wrapping up the first four weeks of my new strength training workout program.  It has been a bit messy and probably taken more than 4 weeks.  Life gets in the way from time to time, but just as I do with my eating, I get right back to it the next available chance. Most importantly I have gotten it done and see some definite changes already.  I can't wait to share my before and after pictures when the full 17 weeks is completed.  

I will keep you posted....  

The New Me- Changes and More to Come

As I glance at the calendar it is hard to believe that it is already August.  I have breezed right through almost 8 months of this journey to a fitter and thinner me.  It isn't always easy, but I have remained focused for longer this time than I have in quite a few years.  

Last year was not my best health wise, and I was prepared to end it with my highest weight in a long time. Luckily, as often happens, in stepped a friend determined to refocus on her own journey.  Without her encouragement I am not sure when I would have finally turned around and headed back down this path.  I am grateful for her persistence because I can assure you there was not a single cell in my body that wanted to stop eating all that yummy food and really get back to focusing on exercise.

However, with reluctance on December 26th I started tracking my food again and returned my focus to exercise.  I won't say that I was completely confident in where I was headed this time, but over time that became more and more clear.  Now that I weigh less than I have since high school by almost 10 pounds I am beginning a new and exciting journey.

I have returned to weight lifting.  I was lifting pretty regularly when my blood clot happened last year and that stopped me in my tracks.  I have picked it up here and there over the last 18 months, but nothing routine and serious.  Since lifting is something I get a lot of enjoyment from and I have always desired to be strong, muscular and fit, it is time to get serious.

This program is 17 weeks long.  I have taken before pictures to pair with my afters, once I have completed the program.  It has been great to see the changes my body has undergone through out  my weight loss this and the previous time, but I am looking forward to the new ways my body will become healthier and stronger through this weight training program.

I hope to update my blog periodically with the happenings of my continued journey from a lifetime of fighting that inner fat girl to living a fitter, happier and healthier life.


Disclaimer: I have cleared this program with all my doctors and they are absolutely fine with it.  :)

Even the Crappy Days End Alright

I had a feeling when I awoke at 3:30 with nausea and could not go back to sleep that it might be a rough day.  I tossed and turned for over an hour before finally falling back to sleep.  When the alarm went off I was not ready to spring out of bed and opted for coffee before a shower.  This was helpful and allowed me to be much nicer to those I encountered during that first hour of the day.

The remainder of the early morning moved along well.  However, not long after starting my day at work I was struck with a familiar yet terrible feeling.  My anxiety was shooting up and fast.

My whole body was tense, and I was finding it really hard to connect my thoughts. I was on the verge of a full panic attack.  It is hard to explain these situations to someone that has never had them.  The best I can explain how I feel when it happens is that I realize I am freaking out, and I know that there is usually no logical reason for it. However, there is absolutely nothing I can do to shut it down.  I have tried meditating and breathing and both were useless for it.  Luckily I have medicine for these, even though few and far between, and I quickly called Kent to bring it to me.

As the medicine started to kick in I could feel everything begin to settle and my neck, which had been completely tensed was beginning to release.  Because the medicine helped to calm everything I was able to make it through the day.

When I came home from work I struggled a little bit with whether to work out and do my yoga.  Since I was feeling almost back to normal I decided to get it done.  I did my body weight workout, which was
pretty tough.  There were a few times I wanted to just quit and use the excuse of a hard day.  However, pushing myself past those feelings actually seemed to help me process through the events of the day.

As we all settled into our rooms for the night I did my yoga, and it also pushed me quite a bit more than normal.  As I pushed through I realized at the end that I felt accomplished and more at peace.

As I wrap up my day I realize that although it had ups and downs today was beautiful.  It had some of the best and not so great.  However, in the end the big picture is still pretty darn amazing.  So I guess
my lesson for today is that when life throws me a curve ball I have to acknowledge it, work through it and then move beyond it.  Sometimes
the tougher moments are there to show us how fortunate we truly are in life.

Anxiety is a tough thing.  I suffer from it rarely, and feel for those who suffer regularly.  It is not something they can just smile out of, breath away or anything else. Please be gentle to those around you because we could all use more love and compassion.

I hope that you may find the sunshine at the end of the rain and the happy ending at the end of your not so great day.  May you still find reason at the end of each day to look back with gratitude for it all.

Nature: Get Lost to Find Youself

I don't remember spending a lot of my childhood hiking, but I did grow up on a beautiful piece of North Carolina land.  We had over an acre, and my time there was filled with adventures and friends surrounded by woods and creeks. Many of my childhood memories encompass that time in nature.

As I grew up I spent less time in those woods, but they obviously remained in my heart.  In my twenties I met a boy that loved nature, and he introduced me to camping, hiking and exploring new areas. I will forever be grateful to him for bringing nature back into my life.

The benefits of time surrounded by woods, wildlife and beautiful scenery have been life altering for me and my family.  Each time I watch videos of nature I am instantly calmed and filled with a sense of peace.  There is no question that my place of zen is found among the trees.

Regardless of what is going on in our lives everything changes when our feet hit the dirt and soon we are surrounded by nothing but nature.  The fights among the children cease and stress/worries melt away.  There is healing power out on the trails, and I am truly in love with it.

I have begun to read more and discovered more research about the benefits of time in nature.  It can help with depression, anxiety, stress and physical healing from surgery or illness.  It has been my source of therapy for years, and I don't plan to quit anytime soon.

I know that it might not be for everyone, but I can't say enough for the life changing impact it has had on my life.  We are amazingly fortunate to live in a place where the scenery is constantly calling you outdoors.  I long for the days I can wander in the woods.

One of my current quotes that speaks to me is, "Not all who wander are lost."  For my time wandering in nature is one of the times I feel most fulfilled and whole.  I am far from lost out on those trails but instead I have found my home.

Maybe your place is not on the trails, but my wish for you is for you to find that thing that brings your soul back home.  You will know it when you are there for all longing, stress and anxiety will be gone.  There you will find peace.

Namaste

Fear and Moving Forward

I started my journey to a happier/healthier me over 9 years ago.  There have been times when I was more confident in my success than others.  Some moments I feel unstoppable and that everything is in the right place.  Then there are times which I feel lost and fear that I will never get back on track.

Time has taught me to realize there will be places I veer off and times that I just won't have it all together.  The overall goal is to make those times short and never allow the fear or negativity creep into my thoughts.  The feeling of a failed attempt or fear that I won't remain focused on eating right and my healthy lifestyle does not help me move forward.  This will only hinder my progress.

Today I allowed my mind a moment to worry and think of possibilities it won't continue to feel this easy.  The last few weeks have felt great. I feel strong, confident and committed to both my workouts and my food goals.  I have begun to focus on my relationship with food to better understand it.  Since everything is going well, I am puzzled to feel such fear today.

I remember this as I first decided to take the step and join the weight loss contest at work 9 years ago. As the scale went down, my fitness level increased, and I become healthier, I feared losing it all.  Part of me was grateful for that feeling as it often kept me focused and on track.  However, with today's I am going to quiet it with the image of how far I have come and the many accomplishments completed and yet to be done.

The reality is that for me this will be a life long battle.  I need to remain conscious of my food choices and my activity level.  My relationship with food needs to stay in check, and an analysis of how I treat food in the presence of my children will be important.   I hope to allow them an opportunity to eat when they need nourishment and not as a reward, comfort or stress relief.

My focus will continue to be on how far I have come and taking it one thing at a time.  This might be one day, one meal or one hour at a time.  Whatever feels attainable.

Sometimes the battle looks to vast to be won, but upon taking it one small piece at a time victory is yours.

Hurts So Good!!

I started a new workout last week and it has lit a fire that feels so familiar.  It is one of those sneaky exercise regimens that looks easy when written down, and sometimes even when the workout is done. However, a day or two later something happens and I realize that workout really shook things up.

It is that moment when I wake up and something feels different than the night before.  I start to move but I am struck with the realization that my core muscles are so sore I am unable, under my own power, to sit up. Glancing at the end of the bed I am grateful to see the dog and I can use her weight on the blanket to pull myself upright.  But now I am met with an even scarier task. I must figure out if my leg muscles will allow me to stand.  I mentally scan the workout to figure out whether there were squats, lunges, etc.. Upon the realization there were a few dozen I hold my breath, prepare myself and stand.

To my surprise I find my legs feel alright.  That is until I take a step.  I feel a soreness and think what in the world used that muscle. I am not even sure I knew there was a muscle in that location.  

I hobble to the bathroom and realize there is a squat between me and the toilet.  I grit my teeth and just

sort of fall.  Ah, I made it!  But wait a minute I have to get back up.  

I begin to ask yourself irrational questions such as: could I stay here all day?  can I call my husband to help me stand up again? No, I have to get the kids up, shower, dress and go down.... Oh crap I have stairs in my house now!!!  What am I going to do???!!??  

Alright I will admit that is a bit of an exaggeration, but I have had those feelings at one time or another along this journey.  And to be honest I love the sore feeling that comes from a good workout.  It means something is changing and getting stronger. 

So let the fun continue as I head back in the right direction toward a healthier and stronger version of me.  And if you see me walking a little funny, it is OK to laugh but remember those new muscles will make me stronger and faster so it won't be as hard for me to catch you.  

Namaste!

Hope, Change and New Beginnings

Today our calendar shifted another year forward.  This causes one to  reflect on the last 365 days and look back at opportunities missed and goals unfinished.  A new year can provide a fresh start and new opportunities.  However, like any day on this journey, it is a chance to make a change, start a new challenge or goal.  It does not have to be the first day of a new year, new month or new week to begin work toward a better you.  If you want to make a change, do it now!

This journey has taught me that when a change is needed I can't put it off.  Too many times in the past I said to myself that I will start in a few days, next week or maybe even next month. Many times those milestones came and went without any action.  There were a few occasions that I would start with all good intentions and last a few days. weeks, etc and then hit a bump.  Here would enter the voices that get me in trouble.  They say well we messed up today or this week so we might as well wait till next week to start again.  For me this has been toxic.  I have learned that a bump can quickly turn into a 4 month detour if allowed more focus than necessary.  Therefore, I have tried to create a better mindset for when I veer slightly off course.

Accepting that slip ups will happen and sometimes they are much, much longer than I want to admit has been hard throughout this journey.  In the beginning, I beat myself up over them but found that of little use and left me less motivated to move forward.  I slowly started to learn to let them happen and pick right back up, even if sometimes it had been months of wandering.

Life is going to happen and to make a solid change you really have to be realistic in your expectations.  Making a change will be hard and life is not going to instantly become easier to allow you adjustment time to this new goal, way of eating, yoga practice, sleep pattern or whatever it is. There will be times you won't do it all right, but being mindful of the direction you want to head will always get you through.

Remember to create reminders of you intentions, tell others for both support and accountability and

don't be too hard on yourself or others.  We are all trying to figure out the best way to live our own lives and we could use some more love along the way.

Every day is a blank tapestry.  There will be some where we paint a beautiful masterpiece and at the end of the day we have such satisfaction with all that was done. However, other days will leave

us a mess and appear more like a splatter painting.  Each one will hold amazing beauty of their very own and contribute in such amazing ways toward the much larger work.

I wish you luck in all your endeavors and a happy new year.  Might each day hold the same opportunity to start fresh, refocus and renew that you feel on this first day of each year.