Wow I Have Come A Long Way!

As I was reading some posts online, I began to realize changes that have occurred without my being fully aware of them. The last seven years have seen a lot of transformation in my life, and the physical changes have been obvious.  However, there has been a mental shift that I was not as aware had occurred or maybe just not to the extent that it had.

There was a post about someone making less than the best choice for dinner and how it made them want to just throw in the towel.  Oh I remember those days, but I did not realize how far back they were in my past.  I no longer look at each decision, choice or meal as a make it or break it moment.  The total picture, the full journey is what this is all about. I will go weeks sometimes where my eating is not 100% where it needs to be.  I will gain some weight, but this no longer means total defeat.  If this is going to be a lifelong process, I am going to give myself those times and certainly not make a big deal out of them.

When I look back into the past at my failed attempts or losses that did not stick they are often marked with allowing myself to feel guilty or defeated.  I would beat myself up over choices that were not right. I can definitely say that this did nothing but bad things for the progress toward my goals.

I don't know when the shift happened but it has.  I am grateful that today the big picture is my focus. I am more realistic now and realize that I am not going to make the best decisions all the time.  However, I know not to totally lose sight of my mission, and when I do actually think about the decisions I am making that the focus is on health and fitness.  

I did not get obese by one bad decision, and I am not going to become fit and stay there by making just one good choice.  This is a work in progress.

Truly Inspiring

Recently I started searching for new areas of support, motivation and encouragement in this weight loss journey.  What I found was amazing and truly inspiring.  I found online community one after another filled with people just like me.  Some of them are just starting out on their weight loss and others are many successful years into it.

I have read inspirational stories about people conquering their fears, breaking through barriers and crossing the finish line on goals big and small.  They celebrate victories and cheer each other on everyday.  It is an amazing community of people that know the road I have traveled and the struggles that come along with it.  They are changing their lives and impacting the lives of others in positive ways.

I feel fortunate to have stumbled upon all these groups, and I hope to help support, motivate and provide advice through them.  I am very motivated by helping others and reading stories of individuals struggling with the same things.  It is refreshing to see that I am not alone and what I feel from time to time is felt by others.  I makes me feel renewed that when I stumble it is OK, even if it has been 4 weeks of bad eating, but you just have to get back up and keep going.  I look forward to my further involvement in these groups and the positive impact continuing.

What a blessing that I was led to explore new areas in this journey toward a healthier and fitter me.  It has made me feel hopeful, inspired and motivated to keep charging ahead.

I started this to change my life, and along the way a beautiful thing happened..... I impacted the lives of others.  May your path bring light, hope and joy to others in the world.

Missing It...

I am missing you so much.  Although I know I must take time away from you right now, I cant stop thinking about you.  Why have we been torn apart right now when I need you so much?  I long for you and anticipate when we can reconnect soon.  For many years you were not in my life, but now I miss you when our separation is necessary.  Oh exercise....we will be together again soon.

Yes I know that being this sick it is only smart to take a break from the gym and working out.  That is the way you can always tell how truly sick I am.  If I have to take a break from exercise, I am darn ill. However, I am definitely looking forward to returning to my routine but after I have healed.

It still amazes me that I spent so many years not even thinking about exercise and now it is hard to take a necessary break from it.  It is certainly proof that we have the power to change ourselves.  I wish I had the key that caused that transformation to happen.

For now I will have to sit back and wait for my body to heal from this virus.  But that won't stop me from daydreaming about that magical place filled with sweat, determination and hard work.

Do It Today!!

I wanted to take some time to share some of my favorite reasons to get started today on whatever it is that you want to change or create.  

Sure, I am laying in bed and have not really moved in two days, but that does not mean I can't motivate others to get themselves moving.  Because when I finally get better I will be right back at it without a moments thought.  Therefore, while I have some extra time here are all the reasons to get out there today and make it happen.  

a year from now you will wish you had started TODAY!!!

All the times that one got me...  Then a year later I was heavier, less in shape and more miserable.  Mostly with me it was a matter of feeling overwhelmed by the end goal.  If that is you, don't focus on the finished product and just start with the first step.  

You will never be 100% ready to change. Don't wait for the perfect time. It will never come. Start TODAY!!!

This one has affected so many areas and not just my journey toward a healthier, fitter and more fabulous me. Life is never perfect, things don't usually just fall into place and create the ideal situation for things.  We have to make it happen and love the circumstances we are given.  No reason to wait for the PERFECT time because most likely it does not exist.  Therefore, make today the ideal time to start because truly there is no way to tell what tomorrow will bring, but right now is here and is the best time to take action.  

You can't change the past and tomorrow is uncertain.  Today is a gift...don't waste it.

Don't let past mistakes lead today's decisions.  We all make wrong turns now and then, but each moment is a fresh start.  Take this moment and begin to create the future you desire.  

The Future Starts Today!!!

Changes: Letting Go, Moving On and Refocusing

This journey has been accompanied by supportive friends and family from the very beginning.  I can't emphasize enough the impact they have played.  However, I have recently been reminded of the fact that no matter who is around me cheering, pushing, supporting, etc... it is inevitably up to me.  

As we all know life is ever changing and our interactions with other humans change.  It is the nature of this fascinating journey.  Recently the relationship with a friend has changed and caused us to not talk as often.  They were a big force in my journey to a fitter and healthier me.  It might have been delivering a workout that would leave me laying on the ground in exhaustion or sharing the success of a good run. It was nice to have someone that knew the gym as intimately as I did, and shared my passion for pushing hard at every workout.  I hope we will still get to talk from time to time about a workout here and there, but I will miss the more frequent support.  

So I am taking this time to refocus and reinforce in myself the strength I know is there to step up and get the job done.  I still have a great group of supporters.  Many of them don't share my passion for the gym and weight lifting but that does not stop them from pushing me, encouraging me and listening to me.  I am blessed to have some pretty darn awesome friends, and I feel their support often.  

Also, I have started to reach out to new people that share my passion and even share the weight loss piece. Some of these are friends from the beginning of this journey and even some new friends that I have found through blogs, news articles and Facebook.  Although I love the idea of meeting new friends that are in the trenches with me, I am a little scared about this new turn.  But in the end I knew when I started this journey no one else could make it happen, and that is as true today as it was then. People can enhance it, but in the end it is mine to experience and make happen.  I refuse to let this change in my life set me back in any way.  

I will keep showing up and getting the job done.  This is my life, and I know where I am headed. People will come and go over time, but I won't look back for long without continuing to charge ahead toward my goal.  

Thank you to everyone that has outwardly and silently supported my journey.  I truly appreciate it more than I could ever express.  

Changes

If there is one thing in life you can always count on, it is change. The response to this obviously differs greatly based on the magnitude of the occurrence.  It can be a simple task change at work, a new boss, a relationship change, moving to a new place or the loss of someone in your life.  These all have an impact on our lives, big and small. 

It can feel difficult or even impossible to accept; however, in truth there is very little the human spirit can not rally through.  I can testify to the fact that life on the other side looks different and at times you long for that past place, situation or person.  But....life does move on.  

I have experienced some difficult times in my life, but it has definitely been counterbalanced with some pretty amazing changes, as well.  This time of year is difficult as my spirit feels closer than normal to the loss of my father.  I certainly remember him throughout the years and talk about him with the children often, but this time of year is just a little more difficult.  I tend to become more sensitive, a little more down than normal and just a bit sad.  I don't plan for the arrival of these feelings and sometimes I am caught completely off guard by them.  In all truth, it is just one of those things, and I am alright with it.  

I remain in awe of the amazing strength the human spirit possesses in the face of loss, change and/or a new path.  I have seen people that are led down a new path, sometimes paved by their own doings and sometimes as a result of others decisions/actions, and I am inspired by their optimism and strength.  Change can be hard, especially when you are used to or expect one outcome and are left with another.  I have great respect for those that charge ahead, sometimes without a real understanding of where they are headed but know that they must keep moving. 

Life will certainly knock the wind out of your from time to time.  It is completely normal to grieve or be angry, but those things can't take over.  From time to time we all have difficulty understanding, accepting and moving beyond a change, so never beat yourself up if you find it hard sometimes.  Just remember that you can make it through.  

It definitely will look a little different on the other side, but it will be OK.  Luckily, for many, there is a great network of friends and family to help see them through.. And sometimes they are there to share in those down moments when the memories flood us and we just can't keep it together.  It is one of the true joys in life to share this journey with those that just get us and understand without even a word.  

Each morning as I am getting ready for work I read a saying that I inherited from my grandmother, and I often imagine it is her sharing this wish for me.  I share it with you now, as my wish for you.  

Wishing you always 

Love to surround you, Warm memories to cheer you,

Good fortune to walk beside you, and

Happiness to fill your heart

Things Just Don't Feel Right

Over the last 10-14 days it has really been a struggle to get myself to exercise and eat right.  I feel sort of like I am hanging on to the edge and barely have a grasp of this lifestyle that has defined me for so long.  It is a little scary to feel this close to losing the mindset that I became so accustomed to over the years.

I have searched to find the answer to what may have caused this change and where I might be able to find the me that makes all this so much easier.  Sure there have been some changes in my life, but it is nothing that warrants such a drastic transformation in my thinking, priorities and motivation.  To be honest there is part of me that worries I may have lost some or all of this person that juggles all life throws my way and remains focused on my health.  However, maybe she just needs a much needed rest and will return with new force soon.  

For now, I am left feeling lost. Exercise has been something I craved, a priority, a constant through all the craziness over the years and now I find I barely want to do it.  This just does not feel right at all.  Maybe that is a good sign because I don't want to it to become normal to me.  I just hope this is a temporary feeling.

With all that is going on I have decided to take a little break later this week.  I am hoping that with time off work I will be able to relax and rejuvenate.  I wish to return to a more centered place.  Life has been busy lately and that has not left much time to recharge.  I need a break, and I hope this proves to be exactly that.  May I return next week with a new outlook, motivation and determination. And if that is asking too much, I will just take three days of time without commitments and work.

Here's to next time I am here being about making that u-turn and returning to the me I have grown very fond of over the years.  She is one determined lady that takes to the gym with purpose and focus.  She remembers the fat years and fights to never return there.  She works hard to be healthy, tries to provide a great example to her kids and family of what can be done with a little determination and loves the feeling that is obtained from a really good workout.  She has goals that are still out there to be attained and can't let a little setback or some changes take her off track.  There is still work to be done.

Wishing Time Away

Sometimes I feel like I spend my days, weeks, etc wishing for time to speed up.  When the days feel long, busy and stressful I find myself wishing for 5 o'clock.  When the week has me feeling a little beaten up I find myself wishing for Friday to hurry up and get here.  I want to find ways to look at life a bit different because I hate feeling like I am wishing for hours of my life to pass.  I know how truly precious these moments are, and I want to cherish them more.    

I am lucky to work for my company, and I feel fortunate for all the people I get to meet and help. I can certainly get overwhelmingly busy and begin to feel stressed about work, but I have tried to keep a healthier outlook on this lately.  I get help when needed and realize that I can't do it all.  It is not healthy for me to try to do it all, and there is really no need for me to take all that on by myself.  My work/life balance is so much better than it was in the past.  

I take my job seriously and take great pride in doing the best job I can.  However, I try to leave work there, and take the time I need with my family.  They are truly the most important things in my life and the reason I work hard.  I want to give them great memories of time together, and a good example of a life that is truly balanced between responsibilities to a job and a family.  May they grow up to truly value this as a necessary part of life.  

Sometimes It's So Hard

Over the last few years exercise has been a routine part of my life.  There was never much question about whether I was going to do it and more about when it was going to fit into my day.  I have planned ahead each night by packing my workout clothes and mentally preparing for what my gym time would entail.  I have longed for the time spent lifting weights or a nice long cardio workout.  It is definitely something I have grown to love.  However, lately something has just not been right, and there has been a need to talk myself into going to the gym.  That has definitely not been normal for me.

When I feel great the workouts happen easily and without much thought.  However, lately something is just not right with me.  These weird headaches that come on fast and leave me exhausted have plagued my week, and I don't know how to describe it other than my body is just not in the right balance.  Therefore, I struggle to get myself to the gym, and the workouts have lost that zest they once had.  I know this will pass and the motivation will return.  It is just a matter of making it through this rough patch.

The difference between this me and the person I was 5 years ago is showing up even when it is not easy, convenient or there is no motivation to do it.  That seems to be the key to success on this journey.  You can't let excuses and the lack of perfect conditions keep you from the commitment to yourself.  Right now I may not be able to push myself as hard, but I won't give up.

I look forward to getting the excitement for my workouts back and regaining the focus I usually have for it.  In the meantime, I will keep myself accountable to my goals and get it done.

A Very Difficult Loss

Many in the community where I live are mourning the loss of a very special woman.  Although I never met her, Owen has attended school and been friends with her oldest son for the past few years. We also had a few friends in common, and I am truly heartbroken for their loss.

It never seems fair when someone so young is taken from their family, their children and our world. It is hard to make sense of why things like this happen.  The outpouring of support, love, prayers and caring sentiments are proof of the type of person she was, and I know she will be truly missed by many.

When I first learned of her passing it hurt somewhere deep inside. Even though I did not know her I felt overwhelming sadness for the loss her children, friends and family will experience.  As a mother of a son the same age it was hard not to imagine Owen growing up without me, and my not being able to see him through the years.  I continue to shed tears for what seems like a life taken too soon.

Owen took the news hard that a friend and classmate had lost his mother.  He came up with ways he could take his feelings of sadness and do something positive for his friend.  He made a card, and we have created a special prayer time each night for his friends family. Additionally, we remember in the prayer the two that died in the car accident, his friends mother and the other driver.  I am very humbled by the ways my son has chosen to face this situation.  I am proud of the sensitivity and caring that I have seen from him, and I hope these traits remain with him as he grows up.

As the days pass we will keep their family in our thoughts and prayers.  We never know when our own time will be over; therefore, it is important to spread love and care to all those around us.  Don't get caught up in work, stressing over small things and wasting time.  Every moment and life is precious.  Celebrate life as much as you can and remember those that are going through a rough patch because we all need the thoughts and prayers of another at times.

Please keep these two little boys, their family and friends in your thoughts and prayers for the weeks and months to come.  Loss is never easy.  However, there is an amazing power created by the energy of a group who are lifting others when it is hard for them to find the strength to do it on their own. May this energy be felt by those impacted by this loss and help bring them comfort during this difficult time.

Control and Letting Go

I am a control freak, but that is not news to anyone that has known me for long.  Also, if it will take me longer to tell you to do something or show you how to do it, I am going to just do it myself. I oftentimes find myself stressed because someone is not doing things the way I feel it should be done. Instead of being grateful that the thing was taken from my to do list I sit stewing over the way it is being handled.  Yes, I realize how awful this is and that I can't control how others live or behave. However, I am not going to stop doing this overnight.  I am going to work toward releasing these things and slowly stepping back to focus on what needs me the most.  

Being married can be hard work at times and needing to control everything does not help.  Throw in two kids that you are trying to raise together and it can become downright overwhelming.  Kent and I aren't perfect nor do we have this marriage thing all figured out.  

We have worked together for years to try to do the best we can, but I very often took the reins and steered us where we needed to go.  Oftentimes this even extended to things that should have been Kent's to take charge of without my being involved.  Living with a man that has Aspergers can be challenging on many levels and being a fixer does not make it any simpler.  I want to change him and push him to be the person I know he can be.  However, I logically know that you can't change anyone that does not desire it or even realize there is something wrong.  I also realize, on some level, that the reality I see is not the same as someone with this syndrome.  Therefore, my energy spent on trying to fix him is unproductive, to say the least.

I often find myself frustrated with the fact that he does not jump in to help when I am obviously drowning in stress, but that is not something he can sense.   Even when I breakdown and express my feelings it is hard for him to understand what needs to be done.  Sure I can tell him exactly what I need, and he is always willing to follow the directive; however, this has become what I feel might be an unhealthy norm.  I have taken this role and become very used to it, but I feel it is time for a change.  I need to allow him to take the lead on some things and figure it out. This is much harder than it seems though.  

As I start to let go it feels refreshing, scary and a little sad.  I need to be free from the stress that I carry for feeling responsible for my husband, his productivity and happiness.  I will be there to help in any way I can, but I wish to no longer control this situation.  Sure I worry that he might make a mess of things or fail in his efforts; however, I must give up ownership of this.  Also, I must admit there this extends to plenty of other areas in my life too.  

As with anyone you love, it is hard to let go when you fear they won't find their way or maybe their path is not exactly what you had in mind (oops that was the control freak talking).  However, sometimes exactly what they need is just that.  Keeping myself from stepping in and just doing will be very difficult, but I know it is what needs to be done.  I hope to see the other side of this with a new view and less need to control.

This all might seem silly, but we all struggle in some area.  Maybe it is simple things like overeating, stressing over the little things, not taking time with the kids, losing track of time or something major like an addiction, failing marriage or abuse.  It can seem easier at times to ignore what so obviously needs to change because we have become accustomed to it, dealt with it for too long or just seems like too much hassle to work on. I realize that facing those things can be difficult or feel impossible but to truly grow they need to be dealt with head on.   We can't always do these things alone, but with time, patience and support we all have the ability to conquer whatever it is.  

I hope you find the courage to face whatever it is, reach out to someone if it can't be faced alone and take that first step toward change.  

Sometimes the things we hold onto the tightest 

are the things we need to let go of the most.  

Time For Me

As a mother of two, wife and full time employee I sometimes forget about myself.  Yes I definitely remain focused on my workouts and try to not miss them; however, even that can start to feel like a chore in the long list of things that require my attention or time.

There are days where work takes all I feel like I have but upon arriving home it is apparent that my day is no where close to over.  I am grateful for the two amazing kids that require my attention in the evenings but sometimes it is hard to have the energy they deserve after a long day.  I feel like an awful mother, but the truth is that sometimes we can't do it all.

Therefore, today I am taking time to refocus, recharge and refresh myself.  Today is a PTO day that is not for a trip or the kids day off school.  Instead it is a day for me.  Things have been rough with work being so busy, kids activities at night and lots of financial stress.  I need a day to return to a place of balance.  That is my hope for today.

I have a vision for the path I want to take from here and it all goes back to a prayer that I remember hanging in my grandmothers house as a child.  I know you have all seen it, but we all could use a reminder of its meaning and the benefit it can have in our lives.  Today may you find it helpful for the struggles you face.

The Pain I Crave

If I told you that I love the feeling of barely being able to walk two days after a grueling leg workout, would you think I am crazy?  What about loving when I am sore all over after a week of rough strength training?  Well, I most definitely adore these feelings and find that I often crave them.

I love workouts that push me and seem unbearable to complete.  You can't really change without hard work, and the feeling after completion of these workouts is amazing.  I highly recommend pushing yourself hard and realizing the power you never knew you had.

People have said that I am crazy or trying to kill myself with these workouts; however, we all have that thing we love that some people don't understand.  I thrive on finding those routines that push me. I measure the success of my time in the gym in the two days following and whether I can move without pain.  It is a true representation of the changes taking place within my muscles and a hope for a stronger, healthier me.

Whatever your thing is get out there and do it.

Where it all Began

I barely watch television anymore but last night two of my shows started back. Since I was waiting for the first show to start, I began flipping through the channels.  While doing that something caught my eye, and a lot of memories and feelings rushed over me.  It might sound silly but the show Biggest Loser has a lot to do with my journey.

Many years ago I tuned into this show every week to witness the journey of the contestants.  This was well before I became successful in my own weight loss. Sure I knew their progress was not typical of normal people in typical lives, but I felt inspired and related to their struggles.  It helps to realize there are others dealing with the same battle.  Even the program that changed my life was inspired from the show.

When my company created Biggest Healthiest Loser it seemed like it was a sign or message just for me.  I remember a friend telling me it was awesome because I would be participating in something based on my favorite TV show.  I don't remember having a lot of hope for this program and the ability for it to change something that I had been fighting for well over 20 years, but it seemed worth a shot.

Thank goodness I took that opportunity, participated in the program, found a supportive community of people in similar struggles and realized the ability to succeed on my own.  This show has changed a lot of lives, and I bet it has impacted an even broader audience without even realizing it.

There are still a lot of people battling to lose weight and become healthier.  My hope is that they will find their inspiration and gain the strength to change.  It is not an easy road, but success can be found with hard work, determination and support.  

Just What You Needed

It is fascinating how strangers can have such an impact on our lives.  I have had this happen more than one time in my life where someone I have never met says or does something that makes my day, turns my negative perspective around or just makes me think about things a little differently.

This week I started a new workout routine.  Instead of the ones I have been following where you do the same exercises week after week this one varies them, and I don't believe I will repeat the same routine in the full 90 day program.  That is exciting and slightly scary for me.  Although I have cleared a lot of hurdles when it comes to working out in the gym, I still get a little flustered trying something new.  I don't want to fall on my face, have bad form or look like an idiot.  Therefore, each of these sessions can be a little nerve wracking.

Today's workout was mostly things I have done before, and even though I increased my weights it went just fine.  However, there were two things that I did not feel quite as confident about.  After I got through them, packed up my bag to leave the gym, I could not help to think how foolish I probably looked on that last exercise.

To my surprise a woman stopped me as I was leaving.  I recognized her from when I was in the gym on Monday and Tuesday, but we had never talked.  As with most of the people in the gym at work, she is a guest staying at the resort.  She stopped me to say what an inspiration my workouts were and how motivated she was by what I had done down there this week.  And I have to mention she definitely knows her way around the gym.  You can't get the toned body she has without being a regular at a gym.

As I left the gym after her comment I felt so good.  It returned my focus to why I do this and that I will keep doing it.  I might not always get every exercise perfect,or look like the girls in the workout videos with their toned body flowing with each rep, but I am getting myself out there and doing my best.  If me and my old self could spend an hour in the gym, I know it would be eye opening.  I have slowly come a long way from where I began 7 years ago.  Just gotta stay focused and keep showing up for the workouts.  

An Adventure in Health

I have gotten a very in depth look at my body and its functioning these last few weeks.  At one point I commented to a nurse that I felt similar to a car when it goes into the mechanic.  However, cars have it so much easier.  If only the body had awesome warning lights like a car to alert us to some malfunction or a doctor could hook us up to a machine, similar to a car, and codes would instantly print out regarding what ails us.  It would certainly mean less tests, guessing and puzzle pieces to fit together.

My adventures started a few weeks ago when a pressure in the side of my head returned.  This was nothing new or special by itself, as this started to bother me about 10 years ago and occurs from time to time.  The new and more alarming symptom was numbness on the right side of my face and difficulty speaking.  It was the weirdest thing I have ever experienced.  At first I was not alarmed but very curious regarding what was happening.  When it became difficult to get my brain and mouth to work together I started to worry and after consulting some coworkers I went to the hospital.  There were a lot of tests in the ER and they decided to admit me into the hospital.  This would allow them to do more tests and observe me overnight.  It was definitely the most comprehensive exam/testing I have ever had.  The outcome showed no signs of a stroke and that was a huge relief.  However, the question of what it was still lingered.

Right before I was released from the hospital I met with a neurologist.  After discussing my medical history, my lifestyle and family history it seemed most likely a migraine variant.  I would have never guessed that they could take on these types of symptoms.  Scary stuff. I have talked to so many people since that time that suffer from similar and sometimes worse migraine variants. I have learned a lot about what these can tell us about our bodies and their functioning.  To say the least our bodies are amazing and slightly frightening.

I was able to follow up with my regular doctor last week and all the blood work in the hospital seemed OK except my blood sugar.  Darn it not wanting to be where it should be and stay there.  I have a long family history of diabetes, but surprisingly that is not the problem with mine.  My blood sugar tends to hang out in the 70s and when stressed or not eating regularly it can go much lower. This can result in many really annoying symptoms, and I had become very used to a lot of these.  However, I have become determined to learn more about ways to help stabilize this number and help reduce the results of it being low.  I hope to work with an endocrinologist soon to figure out what to eat and when so that I can help reduce these drops and minimize the really annoying side effects.

The final chapter in this adventure, so far, was a call from the doctor on Monday with more blood results.  She called to let me know that I have a gene mutation and another blood level off that puts me at a higher risk for stroke, blood clots and a few other exciting things.  Since my doctor was not really familiar with these results, she determined it would be best for me to see someone that would be more specialized in that area.  I learned that a coworker's stroke was due to the same blood results, and I learned quite a bit from her.  Now I begin the journey of finding the right doctor to work with to help me reduce my risks from this.

A few times in the last two weeks I have thought maybe I am overreacting to all this.  However, I have concluded that this all happened for a reason.  This has been a chance to bring my attention to these issues and get them addressed. I need to follow through with it.  I hope to find doctors that will help me balance my desire to do as much of the management naturally while eliminating as many of the risks to my overall health and wellness.

I have learned a few things through this adventure: there is no price placed on piece of mind, things happen for a reason, all these crazy symptoms have not been my imagination, I am not crazy (well, I am crazy but not as much so as I thought), and I have the power to help my body function at a more optimum level.  After all this is the only body I will be given. I work really hard to keep in great physical condition, but I need to stop ignoring some of the obvious signs that something else is not going quite as it should in there.  Time to take charge and get the right people to support me through the rest of this journey.

I hope this post finds you in good health or with the right partners in your journey to your most optimal health.

Changing the World

When you find something that changes your life, and you see so many amazing benefits to it you obviously want to share it with everyone.  It becomes the topic of conversations, and you try to find ways to get family and friends to try it.  Your hope is that they will find the same greatness within it and their lives will be better for it.

Sometimes I feel like a televangelist when someone talks to me about my workouts.  I sing all the praises of exercise, how it has changed my life and what a difference it can truly make for anyone.  I could talk for hours about all the reasons that excuses are just that, and that anyone can fit this magnificent thing into their lives.  However, no matter how much I say or how long I might talk about it I can't make someone do it.  I wish it were that easy. It seems to all come down to their desire and timing on the journey.  You can't make someone do something, regardless of how much you desire for them to do it.  They must want it bad enough to not make excuses, not let anything stand in their way and make it a priority.  No one can do that for them.

I have seen time and time again those people around me want to change.  They have that initial energy and drive to do it.  It is awesome to see them start out filled with excitement and charge forward.  But sadly I have also seen all that fade, slowly returning back to old ways and then it is all gone.

I am certainly not claiming to be perfect here, trust me.  Although I have seen this in others, there are plenty of times I have traveled that road too.  Before this journey began for me I played out that cycle more times than I would like to admit.  I often ask myself why was this time different and what can I do for these folks to help them stick with it.  I still search for these answers.

I have been truly blessed to have changed a few lives through my journey.  There have been some that found a spark of interest, motivation or determination from my success and turned that into success of their own.  It makes me truly honored to have such an impact on those around me.  I will certainly keep singing the praise of this lifestyle to anyone that will listen and maybe some that would rather not.  More than anything it helps keep me on track, but a definite awesome side effect is helping to change another life along the way.

Taking a Little Break

After having some medical issues, I decided it was time for a break from my regular 11 workouts a week.  Last week has been different than my norm but amazingly relaxing.  I still have not been feeling well so the break had perfect timing.  It was a chance to lessen need for planning my workout times.  I took much needed breaks from work that involved time with Kent.  All in all it was exactly what I needed and the timing was great.

Now as I turn my focus to this coming week part of me longs to get back to it.  I feel excited to get my heart pumping again and long for that amazing high that comes from exercise.  Sure there is a small part of me that would love more time off, but I know it would just get easier to not return and the excitement I feel might fade.  Therefore, my workout bag is packed and I have the routine all planned out.  Tomorrow the break is over and back to my workout routine I head.

Exercise is a huge part of my life and something that I love dearly.  However, I have tried to listen to my body and take breaks when they are needed.  Sure this time my body had to really scream to get my attention, but I finally gave into it and know that I am better for having done just that.

I won't say that is always easy to take breaks because I fear losing the love I have for it and returning to my unhealthy ways.  However, I have become more confident in my own abilities to get back on track, and I have an amazing friend that never allows me to steer too far off course.  Thank God for placing certain people in my path to help me remain focused.  I cherish the people in my life that see a version of myself that I don't and believe in me when sometimes I falter or doubt.  To them I am eternally grateful.

Tomorrow is just another fresh start with new focus, determination and energy.  May it be one of many that will be scattered throughout this journey.

A Glance at the Past

Tonight I came across a blog that I started in 2008.  The posts were sporadic, but it was fun to be temporarily transported back to such a different place in my life.  In the old posts I discuss having two toddlers, the struggles of living so far away from family and the constant battle with my weight.  I was amazed and felt truly blessed for the ways my life has changed in the six years since then.

In one of the posts I talk about the desire to turn to exercise for stress relief.  Although I seemed to believe that would never be possible for me, it has somehow become a reality.  I discuss the longing to be closer to my family and help my children grow up with their cousins being a more frequent part of their lives. I settle on the belief that would not happen for us, but it certainly has.

It is interesting that we long for things to be different but oftentimes settle on what we feel must be the hand we have been dealt.  It is not until some time later that we learn even those things that seem impossible can become reality with some time and patience.

In the years following those blog posts I was given an amazing opportunity to participate in the Biggest Healthiest Loser program at work and begin my mind and body transformation.  This sent my life in a new direction that has been focused on exercise and healthier choices.  Additionally, taking a new role at work sent my family on a new path.  This one brought us closer to family and to this beautiful place we call home in the Shenandoah Valley.  The person who wrote those blogs would have probably laughed at the prospect of this future.

So many times we feel a situation will never change or that a new path will not be presented to us. However, life happens in the most unexpected ways and many times gives us exactly what we need when the time is right for it.  So hang in there and enjoy this amazing journey through life.

Gotta Keep Going!

Prior to meeting my old trainer the thought of running, without someone chasing me with a knife, had really never crossed my mind.  However, as with many things, Laura was determined to make us step outside of our comfort zone, break through the limits we had set for ourselves and realize our true strength.  When she first mentioned running to me I thought she was crazy; however, she had a way of making people feel like they could do anything.  So during that morning workout I increased the speed on my treadmill and began to jog.

That first run on the treadmill was a little torturous, but over time it did get better.  All these years later and having two half marathons under my belt, you would expect me to say that she turned me into an expert runner. However, that is definitely not the case.  Each time I set out on my journeys I am hopeful to complete the trek without walking, but inevitably fall short.  Maybe I stop because I feel out of breath, my heart rate is too high or my mind convinces me that I can't go any further.  It has become hard for me to determine whether I truly can't take another step or my mind is telling me I have reached the limit.  Oh the power and the trickery of my mind when it comes to these things.  

It is frustrating to have worked on something for so long and see little improvement; however, I don't let it stop me.  I get back out there each time and try to push a little harder.  Some days are good and others throw me back a step or two.  I don't know whether running will ever be something that comes easy for me, but I don't plan to give up just because it is hard.  I might not be good at it or make it the whole time without walking, but the important part is that I don't stop trying.  

Whatever your thing is... don't give up because you aren't perfect at it, don't do it as well as others, it isn't as easy for you or whatever reason you come up with.  There are lots of people that don't even try or give up when they can't do it as they had envisioned it being done.  We aren't all good at the same things, but it is not a reason to stop trying. Get out there, do your best and feel good with what you have accomplished.     

What are you Running From?

I saw a funny ad for a new activity tracker that tells you why you run.  It was entertaining to watch as they went through all the things the actors were running from; being the fat kid, the nerd, lack of success or the happily ever after you don't have.  Of course this product is not real, but it did remind me that so many people, including myself, run for one or more of these or similar reasons.

Each time I head to the gym I am running, even when that is not the workout for the day, from a past and a person that I no longer want to be.  I remember the early days of this journey being filled with dread that success was not possible, that being fat and out of shape was all I could be and feeling nothing would keep the weight from returning.  I can't say with certainty that those feelings have completely vanished, but I know my confidence in keeping this lifestyle is much higher than it was five years ago.  And to be honest..... I have begun to fear a day that I would not have some of these feelings.  What if I become comfortable and stop running from the old, fat me...

I have spent some time and discussed this topic with others who have traveled similar paths.  I find that most are in agreement.  We feel that on some level it is a healthy desire to fear returning to our old selves, the unhealthy ways and gaining the weight back.  It seems part of our success is attributed, even if only in our minds, to the fact that we are running.  I am sure that others would disagree and someday I might feel differently too.  However, for now I will lace up my shoes and keep on running.

Living in the Now

Sometimes I lose track of the fact that I must remain in the now.  Whether it is a relationship that has recently changed, missed days at the gym, past mistakes or choices that come back to make us second guess whether the right path was taken.  This is torture and worst of all it is totally unnecessary.  The past can't be changed no matter how badly you wish for it to.

So since no one, at least that I know, can change it we need to focus on the now.  We can control the choices we make in this moment.  It might be how we react to that bad thing that just happened, handling the memory of that choice from the past that comes back to our minds, occurrences in our childhood, the decisions of a loved one or a missed opportunity. Our reaction to each of these things can change our lives forever.  We can choose not to forgive someone else for a mistake and live without them.  We can let someone cutting us off in traffic ruin our whole day and cause us to react negatively to other people in our lives.  We can blame our parents for anything we don't like about ourselves.  However, at the end of the day you are left with yourself and your choices.  

I lost an old friend a while ago and although we had not been in contact for years it was really tough.  I found myself wondering if I could have done something different in our time together to change the fate of their life because it seemed so unfair that they were taken so young.  I obsessed over any time that I could have treated them better, been more supportive, etc..  These things can torture you, but at the end of the day it can't be changed.  Additionally, I made a very difficult decision many years ago that left a gap in our lives.  I know that this was necessary, but sometimes it surfaces and is hard to relive.  In these times where the past surfaces and seems to be pulling me to second guess decisions, contemplate possible alternate outcomes and different paths that could have been taken... I try to remember there is no going back, no changing it.  There have been and will be more things that happen in life that will be difficult, but the best decision must be made and continue moving forward.   

This is your life and you are in control of the now.  You can make decisions and have reactions that create new opportunities or ruin chances for success, enhance the lives of others around you or not.  It is up to you. Sure we are going to mess things up from time to time, hurt those that we love and take the wrong turn. Don't dwell on it.  Instead ask for forgiveness, if necessary, keep the lesson learned for the future and move forward.   

There is also this looming future that we can spend hours worrying about, guessing what might happen and in the end the result is a lot of lost time in the present on a fictitious future.  Another complete time waster.  Not many people can truly predict the future.  Sure the way we handle the now will impact the future, but there is no need to dwell on what might happen.  Making the best decision at this moment will give you the future that is intended to happen. Just continue focusing on the now, making the best choices you can and learning from your mistakes. 

You can't dwell on what has happened, decisions that were made or the impact others allow us or don't allow us to make in their lives.  Also, it is unnecessary to spend hours wondering what an outcome will be or the results of a decision you have made.  The goal must be to do in the present moment the best you can and savior it. 

All we really have at any given time is that moment, and I, for one, want to be better about remaining present without the baggage from the past and the worry of the future.  I guess it is similar to the quote that says something to the affect of if you spend too much time looking at the closed door you miss all the other ones that open up.  Don't let life slip by while you are stuck in the past or worrying about tomorrow.  What has happened can't be changed and tomorrow is going to happen whether we worry about what it holds.  Live for today and make it the best you can.  

When I focus on the now and live in the present moment I find things less stressful, feel happier and there is a strong sense of peace.  

Take Time....

Sometimes I find myself sitting alone and replaying the events of recent days/weeks/months.  Tonight, as we close the day, I am reminiscing about the summer of 2014.  Yes, there have been summers with more life changing happenings, bigger changes and maybe even more excitement. However, I was sad to see this one end.  

This summer was a bit of a blur for me.  I spent the beginning prepping for our annual beach trip, the middle working on a presentation for a July business trip and then traveling.  Once that trip was over, it was time to squeeze in the last few weeks of summer.  We made a trip to Charlotte and then last week we finished it out the way it started, in Hilton Head.  After two trips there this summer, I can definitely say that is my happy place.  And.. it became so much better two years ago when my best friend relocated there.  

I had lots of time this summer with my family and friends.  I have some special memories of real quality time spent with the people that I love so dearly.  I want to thank my sister, Mom and best friend, Mel for taking the time out of their lives to spend it with us this summer.  Thanks to my brother for traveling to Charlotte to help us make my mother's birthday special and for watching my furry child so we could go to the beach one last time before summer was over.  I am truly blessed with some amazing people to share this journey.  

I hope that every year you take the time to leave work behind, escape the daily life that keeps us so busy and have some uninterrupted time with those you love.  I am truly grateful to have no doubt that I work so that I can enjoy life spent with those I cherish.  I take great pride in my work, but at the end of the day I turn it off and come home.  

The Me You See

I am well aware that I don't always give myself credit for the progress I have made throughout my weight loss journey.  I see a version of me, at times, that is full of flaws.  When I realize this is happening I try to focus on the positive, but I have to admit it is truly hard to see the version of myself that others see.

I recently took a business trip that involved returning to my previous workplace and seeing all my old coworkers.  It was wonderful to see all those people that mean so much, receive warm hugs and wonderful compliments about the way I look.  I won't lie... the little girl inside was glowing after all the comments.  However, there was a sadness because I knew that I have yet to see the physical image they were complimenting. 

It would be nice to have a mirror that shows us the person everyone else sees.  I know part of my problem is the weight issue, that I will always struggle with, but I think this goes for everyone.  We are often hard on ourselves about things that others see in a completely different way, and most likely a much more positive one.  So the next time you receive a compliment take it to heart and give yourself credit where it is due.  And when you look in the mirror and see your faults, pause, and try to focus on all the beautiful things you possess.  

We are all beautiful in a very special and unique way.  Allow yourself to be happy where you are and with who you are.  This does not mean that you stop improving your life through exercise, eating right, strengthening your brain, breaking bad habits, etc.  It just means giving yourself credit for all the amazing things that make you the wonderful person you are. 

Behind the Scenes....

I often blog about my journey, what it means to me, how it has changed my life, etc...  However, there is a very important piece to the puzzle that I don't often give as much credit as it is due.

When you have this type of lifestyle it takes support from others to make it work.  I receive this from my friends and family daily.  They continue to help me push myself to new levels, given me ideas to mix up my workouts, accompany me on hikes, even trained for half marathons with me and allow me time to spend exercising.  When you make this type of lifestyle change the people and things in your life are naturally impacted.  Therefore, they can make it easier or harder depending on the role they play.

Luckily, Kent and the kids have been wonderful throughout this continuing development process to become a stronger and healthier me.  They have allowed me to drag them on hikes, through months of half marathon training and several eating changes that meant clearing out old food and replacing with new healthier choices.  But one of the largest things they do to support me is allow time to exercise.  Some weeks this is no small sacrifice as I can spend over nine hours working out.  This time spent doing these physical activities, I get so much benefit from, is something I have come to appreciate and cherish.  I try to never waste anytime and realize the importance it holds.

This lifestyle is easy for those of us living it, but sometimes those around us don't understand it.  Some will say we are torturing ourselves, insane or should let up a little.  I know my friends and family that don't share this passion/obsession/addiction (whatever you want to call it) don't always understand it, but I am grateful for those of you that are right there anyway.  Thanks for your continued support, love and encouragement.  You have contributed a huge amount to the fact that I have had so much success on this journey.  I did not want all of you to feel your contribution goes unrecognized because I am reminded often of the role others play in this.

I am sure people succeed on this journey without the support of friends and family, but I know mine has been greatly enhanced by this.  I would not want to travel this road without all those that have kept me going and continue to support me.  All my love, respect and thanks is extended to you!

The Secret to Success.....

I have talked about my weight loss journey more than usual this week.  When I share the total number of pounds I have shed over the last 6 years people always want to know the answer, the secret or the magic formula.  I am here to tell you and everyone that asks that there is no such thing.  This journey takes a lot of hard work, but when you want it bad enough it happens.

There are definitely easier ways to lose weight, but almost everyone I know that has tried these tricks, fads, etc end up with the weight back and some extra pounds as a bonus.  If you are going to spend the time doing this, you might as well do it the right way.  I always feel this way when I see people at the gym barely working out.  I try my best to take advantage of the time I spend away from my family for exercise by making it count.  You can push yourself a lot further than you think and the results on the other side of that limit are pretty amazing.  All of the weight loss and exercise changes won't happen overnight, but you will start to see positive changes not only in your appearance but your confidence and mental health.

Here I must mention that a little setback does not mean complete failure.  Let yourself have a bad day, week, month; however, when you realize you have gone off track veer back on course and start again.  The biggest mistake I have seen myself and others make on this journey is to take a mistake and turn it into more and more days off track. It is as if they think well I screwed up so what is the point.  Well, I can tell you where the bad eating, the not exercising and this thought process will get you.... just with more ground to cover next time you decide to make the change.

Also, don't put it off.  Don't self talk yourself into starting back on Monday or after vacation or whatever silly timeline you give yourself.  As soon as the thought of wanting to return to your path occurs, go quickly there and don't hesitate. It is too easy to keep putting it off more and more.  And don't say oh I won't keep putting it off.  I am just as guilty of this self talk and know the very small percentage of time that is actually works.

Don't allow yourself to say you don't have time to track your food, time to exercise or a place to workout.  The best gym in the world is right outside your door and the equipment you need is closer than you think, yourself.  If you have your body and the great outdoors, you are all set to begin your exercise journey.  In regards to eating right and tracking your food, there is way more time than you think but it needs to be priority.

Actually this whole journey needs to be set high on the list of priorities.  Don't feel selfish for putting this high on the list of things to do.  You are important, and your health is very important to those that love you.  I can't imagine your friends and family not helping you find the time to get this stuff done and in return they get a healthier, happier you.  Heck they might even get more years of you alive with them.  Get your family on board, tell your friends what you are doing.  They will help support you.

I have been doing this for 6 years now and I still have my bad days.  I have just learned to allow myself those times and move to the next day with the right choices in mind.  If this is going to be something that sticks, I can't let a few bad days stop me.

Go into each day as a fresh start and focus on how you are going to make that day a step toward the you that you want to be.  No one else can be blamed for you not being that person today and no one else can get you to where you want to be.  Take responsibility and make that change.

Sometimes....

Sometimes life isn't perfect.  Sometimes we begin to get lost in the stress of unimportant tasks, bills and things that just seem to not be working out right for us.  Although these things can bring us down, they are not the fiber of our lives.  Therefore, we can't allow them unnecessary control.  

Today was one of those moments where I realize that the insignificant things were taking over, and I was allowing them to control my mood, my reactions and my life.  But when I really sat down and thought about the reasons for these things a startling revelation occurred.  It was some of the most amazing experiences in my life that had resulted in what I was feeling were awful circumstances.  

I could have a huge savings balance, but I would have to miss out on so much.  The memories made from the money spent on family vacations, taking our children to new places and sharing things we love is worth every cent.  So tonight I am grateful for the savings I am able to spend on these times together with those I love and the memories we are making together.  Even if it does mean less cushion for unexpected events.  You can't put a price tag on the experiences I have had and those that I am giving my children. I am sharing my greatest loves with them, and this is a fiber of my being.  It is priceless.   

Additionally there is a house in Indiana that continues to throw unimportant stress into my path.  I have allowed that house to take on a role in my life that it does not deserve.  It is a very special place where many memories were born.  It is a place where a young couple began their lives together, started a family and where they chose a new path for that growing family. It should not hold this anger and stress.  When we decided to leave Indiana and begin this new journey three years ago we took a risk.  As with any gamble there has been some loss.  However, this move has afforded our family so much happiness and so many amazing blessings.  So a few repairs and expenses are a small price to pay for the gains we have received.  I choose to allow the house to be filled with happy memories of our life and not a source of stress.  

The stress of an overwhelming workload can ruin a day.  The obligation of supporting a family can allow a job to take on too much importance and cause stress, but it is a choice to allow it to control me.  I need to remember that how I choose to deal with work related stress has a huge impact.  Here I am reminded of a quote that  I first saw in my grandmother's house of the serenity prayer, "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I can, And wisdom to know the difference."  

Although I can't control the number of requests I get, I can do my best to address them thoroughly and realize that the frustrated person is not really angry with me but a circumstance that has been put before them.  If there is one thing I can be certain of when it comes to work, I will never allow that stress to control me.  I was taught by a very special man that life is too short to give all of yourself to a job.  It is the things we work so hard for that are the fiber of life, and they deserve our time too.  I give a lot of myself for my job and I take the responsibility of it very seriously; however, it will never come before the truly important people in my life.  

I hope to look to tomorrow with a new outlook, hope and the continued realization that life is perfect in its totally imperfect form.  Tomorrow is full of many things good and bad.  Sure each day will have traffic, children that don't want to listen, coffee spills, unexpected expenses and other crappie stuff.  However, it also holds some amazing gifts; a sunrise, beautiful sunsets, time together with the ones we love, memories, hugs/kisses and life changing miracles. I want to focus on the promises, love and beauty each day holds.  To awake to another day is an amazing gift.  

We will all allow those unimportant things that just seem huge to control us, but don't let them stay too long.  If you give them space within your being, they will take it all and more.  Before you know it you will be lost.  Everything in life has brought us to this point, good and bad, and I, for one, would take all the bad over again to be given all the amazing beauty and joy this life has provided.  

May you embrace life and live it as fully as you possibly can.  

This Me...

I got to thinking today about the person I have become over the last few years of my life and how different she is from the girl I used to be.  Sure there are some core things that have always been inside me, but  sometimes I have a hard time remembering the old me.

The me of a few years ago lacked self confidence and had almost never seen a workout.  This new person thrives on exercise.  I have not only fallen totally in love with this amazing thing, but I have even become a little obsessed.  There are so many amazing benefits I receive from my six day a week ritual.  I am happier, more energetic, have more self confidence and lowered stress level.

Additionally, I have started to care less about what other people think.  I am this person, you can take me or leave me.  I like to sing and dance in the car, especially when it embarasses my oldest.  Poor kids are in for a life of embarassing moments with me. I like public displays of affection.  I like to tell people I love them whenever the feeling hits.  In essence, I try to seize every moment I can in life.  Sure, I am guilty about having bad moments where I feel overwhelmed, stressed or angry over stupid things, but the key is to try hard to let the little things remain just that.

One of the most important things that has occurred in my transformation is falling more in love with myself.  Yeah that might sound conceded, but it is true.  Life isn't perfect, I am certainly not perfect and I know there will be challenges ahead.  However, I feel the person I have become is much better equipped to handle what life throws at me.

There is definitely a lot more that I want to accomplish, but I have come a long way.  Sometimes I have to remember to stop and take a look back.  It is good to push forward, challenge yourself to become more, but don't forget to give yourself credit for where you have come from.  It is just as important.

The Old Me!

Today's Me!!!

Saying Goodbye

Often times I find myself a little sad when a new purchase means saying goodbye to something I have used a lot.  I know this seems so silly to have any emotion for an inanimate object, but I find that things hold memories for me.  It can be an old sweatshirt, overused running shoes or an old book.  Sometimes the objects in our lives hold so much more than what is visible on their surface.

Tonight I was excited to see a package awaiting my arrival home.  I tore into it similar to a child on Christmas morning, and gazed at the beautiful newness of the contents.  You are probably thinking it was some exciting new toy, gadget or electronic device.  I am sure not many people would share the excitement I feel for my brand new heart rate monitor.  Yes, I am thrilled to report that I have replaced my worn out workout companion.

Now you might be asking why in the world this transition to a new one might bring sadness.... after all it is just a heart rate monitor.  However, it represents a lot more for me.  It is a piece of this journey.  When I began to use it my workouts became more intense, I pushed myself to work harder, and I fell in love with seeing visual feedback of my hard work. Almost every workout for over 4 years has started with putting on this heart rate monitor.  

As I began to pack it up I took a look at all the data stored in it.  Although it does not have it all because of a malfunction 18 months ago, the information it holds is a huge reminder of the lifestyle change I made all those years ago.  As I glanced over the numbers I was pretty amazed.  The numbers don't lie....

357 workout sessions wearing my this monitor in the last 18 months!!

525 hours spent working out!!!!

AND.... A total of 123,969 calories burned!!!

I have worn this monitor in two half marathons and countless other tests of my physical limits.  I am excited to have a more accurate monitor without all the issues this one has been having, however, it will hold a special place, as one of the many other symbols, along this road I continue to travel.

No More Numbers Dictating My Success

Ever since I started this journey my success and failure has almost always been held in the number displayed on the scale.  Why do we put so much emphasis on weight?  It does not seem that it is even an accurate representative of a person's health.  However, so many of us step onto the scale, while saying a little prayer for a loss, in hope of some positive reinforcement for the changes we have made.

For years this worked well for me.  I would work hard, eat right and the scale would reflect this with positive changes. However, in the last 12-18 months things shifted and my weight no longer is a good representation of my working out and eating right.  Now it has become a frustrating experience that leaves me wondering why I do all this hard work.  I have heard it all from muscle weighs more than fat to you can't gain 2 pounds that fast or even that it must be water weight to have come on that fast.  Well, I am still holding onto 10 pounds from last spring, so I know I can gain it fast and it sticks.

Since my weight has become a roller coaster of numbers and less than motivational, I have decided to just stop weighing myself.  I still track my food each day, try to make sensible meal choices and of course hit the gym 6 days a week; however, I want to focus on the greater purposes of this journey.  I am setting an example for my family to lead a more active lifestyle, my health is benefited from the exercise and my actions impact those around me that are struggling with their own journeys.

There is definitely still a part of me that holds onto the vanity of wanting to see that number, wanting to look a certain way in the mirror, but I want to learn to be happy with the amazing benefits I have gained.  I am so fortunate to have found this place in my life where I enjoy exercise, look at my days as opportunities to be active and want to take care of my body. It might not look perfect, but this body can do some amazing things.  I hope to continue pushing myself to get stronger and healthier, neither of which can be measured by a number on the scale.  

Just Get Moving

There are some people in my life that I can give a lot of credit to for keeping me focused on this journey.  However, I don't think they always realize the impact that they have. Even a simple statement can trigger something within me.  It can be a friend sharing their daily workout, on a day that seems void of any motivation to exercise, or a coworker mentioning to me their recent weight loss success.  Their journey inspires me and reminds me of my own.

Recently, a coworker was sharing with me her determination to become more active and lose weight.  She purchased a Fitbit, and we were discussing her step count each day.  Remembering that I had a pedometer I decided to start wearing it.  My goal is to start moving more.

This weekend I created a lofty step goal of 10,000 a day.  It was easily achieved, but I knew returning to work would send that goal much further out of reach.  I have a desk job so there are not many opportunities to move around. Actually, I was surprised to see today's steps even reach 1,000.  After the gym and an evening walk, I did not end up too bad, with almost 7,500 steps.  However, I needed a plan for the time I was at work.

So... tomorrow I have a plan!  A friend's suggestion prompted me to decide that every hour I will do some laps around the area outside my office. This will surely be a great break for my body and mind throughout the day at the cost of just a few minutes.  No, I don't expect this extra movement to produce lots of weight loss or replace my time in the gym, but it certainly can possess some amazing health benefits with a very short expenditure of time.

So there you have it, one simple conversation helped me become focused on a new way to improve my health, both mental and physical.  This is a good reason to talk about your journey with others and share theirs with them.  You never know when you will lose your way, have a bump in the road or need the strength of someone that is headed down a similar path.  I have learned from my journey that I can't do it alone.  Yes, at the end of the day I am responsible for what I put into my body and how much I exercise; however, the path is much easier with friends.

What Motivates Us to Change?

I have often wondered how I stayed motivated during the beginning of this weight loss journey. It was a time of tremendous change.  My eating habits were altered, I began to include exercise as a regular part of my life and a pretty miraculous transformation began.  

As I look back on the early part of my weight loss it all appears so easy now.  Whether it was or not at the time is no longer obvious to me.  Then I turn to try to understand where my motivation came from. There must have been something pushing me to make all those changes and keep me headed in the right direction.  Was it the Biggest Loser contest at work, the friends I made that shared the new lifestyle and the struggles of adjustment to it, the trainer that pushed me beyond where I thought my limits resided or was it something inside me that wanted to break the cycle for good.  I am not sure I am any closer to knowing where that strength came from.  However, I do know that at times like this I long for the answer.  I want some magical switch that will align everything to make the struggles I experience with weight easier. 

I know that my challenges will always be something that I have to battle.  Even if I were to lose all these remaining pounds I will have to fight to keep them off.  Maybe I will get closer to the answer of what motivates me to be on the right track and what steers me off.  It would seemingly make all this much easier.  

I am still amazed by all the mental aspects of struggles with weight and eating.  I see it everyday where people hide their emotions in food.  Heck I have been guilty of rewarding my children with dinner out or ice cream to celebrate an accomplishment.  Food has some serious misuse in our society, and I am among the abusers.  Food is like an old relationship that is destructive to my well being.  Sure I know that it is not a healthy relationship and that I would be better off to get it out of my life, but something draws me back into those old habits time and time again.

So I am left to ponder where my motivation lies in those times of focus and progress.  Is it something tangible that can be grasped for help to fight the fat girl with all her emotional eating or something buried deep inside that periodically comes to the surface but can be easily pushed back down without focus.  I have a lot of determination, will power and I thrive on getting what I want.  Seems like all the pieces are there, but something is still missing from time to time.  My search continues....

An Epic Adventure

I decided to take today off because of the unseasonably warm weather.  Last night Kent and I researched some hikes in the nearby National Park and decided on one with tons of waterfalls.  Since this would be a hike without the kids, it gave us a chance to do one that is a little longer and more difficult.  So, we had our plan set.

I started to feel a little apprehensive about being out of cell service for a few hours, but we would be done no later than 1.  So we dropped the kids off at school, ran and errand, then we headed to the mountain.  The park was nearly empty at 9 in the morning and the weather was beautiful.  It seemed to be a perfect start. We pulled into the parking lot about 9:30.  Even though Kent felt we were not in the right place, we headed out.  We knew the first trail on our route was a horse trail and we found that across the street from the lot.  Ha!  I was right after all.

After following the horse trail covered in snow for over a mile, we had some more doubts that we might not be in the right place.  Around the 2 mile mark we hit one of the trails we knew was on our planned route and took it.  The mile marker said 3 miles to the next trail that would loop and lead us back.  It all sounded good to us.  We began descending the trail, which was pretty darn steep, feeling grateful that we did not need to return via this route.

The trail soon was bordered by an awesome stream.  It was beautiful and started forming waterfall after waterfall.  We stopped on a few occasions to take pictures and enjoy the amazing scenery.  We were having a great time descending this beautiful trail and not doing too bad on time.

Unfortunately, we arrived at trail signs at the bottom of the mountain that said the other trail was 5 miles long.  WHAT!!!  The whole trail was supposed to be 7.3 miles, and we had now traveled 5 miles.  That meant we should have between 2 and 2.5 miles.  Yes we figured it was going to be all uphill and we had read it was all stairs.  All this seemed so much better than going back up the miles we had come down. But 5 miles was WAY more than we were prepared for.  So we went to the parking lot that was at this end of the trailhead to read the map, which was not available at the trailhead we had taken from inside the park.  Unfortunately, the map did not show what we remembered about the trail we thought we were on.  Uh-oh.

So it was now 1pm and 2 hours before the kids would be getting off the bus.  We had been on this trail more than 3 hours, so taking the same route back and being home in time for the kids did not seem possible.  Finding someone that would take us the 50+ miles around the mountain was not likely. Therefore, we needed to find a way to call a friend to get the kids off the bus and then begin the long hike back to the car.  We asked a few people whether they had cell service and all the answers were no.  However, we did ask a really nice couple that offered to drive Kent to a local store to use the phone.

45 minutes later he had talked to a friend that was going to take on this task, even though it was going to take some creative shuffling on her part.  So we headed back up the trail.  After all the downhill hiking, I was looking forward to some uphill climbing.  However, this feeling faded about a mile up.  Wow that was a lot of stepping up from one rock to another and at times felt a little like I was crawling.  We had to take breaks here and there to catch our breath.

We made it back to the road about 3:30 and decided to take the road back to the car instead of the horse trail.  As we approached the road we saw the parking lot we were initially supposed to begin from. Unfortunately, our parking lot was almost 2 miles up the road.  We slowly trekked by to the car and headed home.

After getting Kent home for work, picking up the kids and thanking my friend, I headed to get some food. We had taken snacks and water on the hike, but we did not realize we would be out there so long and had very little to eat all day.  After some nutrition delivered to Kent and mine eaten, I decided a shower was very needed.  I was covered in dirt from head to toe.

Now that the kids are home, we have eaten and I am clean it is time to reflect on some of today's lessons. Don't hike on a new trail without a map and confirming you are in the right location.  My husband obviously loves me.  Not once was he mean or nasty about the fact that I led us on the wrong trail and caused us to wander in the woods for over 5 hours.  My friend Stacey and her husband are awesome.  I am soo grateful to them for being there for us today.

Even though today did not go perfect, in the end I was reminded of God in numerous ways.  The amazing beauty of the landscape we traversed, the couple that trusted us and wanted to help us make sure the kids were safe, the fact that my friend answered her cell phone at work (she always has it on silent and in a drawer, but today it was on her desk. Also, she happened to see it ringing and picked up a number she did not even recognize).

All in all it was an adventure that we will remember for a long time, and it has broken my desire for a day long hike for a while.  I will get back out of there this spring, but with a map, an accurate altitude change expectation and shorter distance trail.

Losing the Same Weight Again...

You would think that when you realize how much work it takes to lose weight that the last thing you would want to do is lose the same pounds again.  However, many times I have found myself right where I am today.  Countless times I have seen these same numbers pass over the scale and wondered why I allowed the weight to come back again.  Thankfully I have never gotten close to the 300 pounds I once was and have only resided in the 200s for a moment a few years ago, but it is still hard to see all that hard work erased.  

Ever since the beginning of my battle with weight, there have been periods of determination that were followed by times of complete disregard for calorie counting and exercise.  When my focus returns I am amazed and a bit humored by the absurdity of my previous thoughts.  My mind justifies my horrible eating in many stupid ways, and I push off exercise for a plethora of idiotic reasons.  It is interesting all the things you can make yourself believe to be valid reasons to not do the things that you so obviously know you should. I know there is just not a good reason but also know these periods of time will inevitably return.  My focus will be to try to limit them as much as possible.  

I have to truly thank my friends for their continued encouragement which helps return me to the right path and keep me focused.  Knowing that I have been a source of inspiration and change for others is truly amazing and helps motivate me to turn this weight gain around.  Therefore, I am going to enjoy my return to calorie counting, caring about what I put into my body and working out with purpose again.  Hopefully this momentum will continue for a while.  

The Journey Continues...

I hate to report that my weight loss and exercise journey has seen a few significant bumps in the last six weeks.  Through holidays, travels, illness and general life stress I allowed my eating and laziness to prevail.  At times this was justified due to my health and a desire to rest and listen to my body.  Unfortunately, this led to a break in routines.  It continues to amaze me how easily the patterns created for years can be broken, but with the support of friends the return to the right path is never too far away.  Must keep it in my sights and continue to push toward it each day.  I can't focus on the 10-15 pound weight gain, but just making the right choices each day.  It is not about looking to the past but living in the present and seeing a bright future ahead.

On another life improvement subject, I have recently been given a reminder of how easily life in general can head off course.  I have certainly been guilty of traveling down the path of self doubt, self pity, feeling alone/lost and stressing about such things as work volume and customer complaints.  As my life has always had a knack for doing I am sent a signal that reminds me of the truly important things and I find myself overwhelmed with gratitude for the many life blessings.

Many times I have found myself in awe of individuals that among struggles find amazing strength.  I have often wondered how I would react in similar situations and whether I could truly display the amazing strength they possess.  I find them an amazing inspiration in my life, and gain eagerness to find ways to better my life and that of my children.  I believe heavily in an amazing goodness that can come from an interconnection between everyone, the impact that prayer, positive thoughts and a genuine interest to offer help to those in need.  We can all benefit greatly from putting our selfish desires, wants, insignificant stresses and focusing on the greater good.  Please feel free to join me on a path to make a conscious effort to be a source of light and goodness in this world.  I want to focus on making the lives of those around me better and greeting each day with love for life, family and each other.