A Glance at the Past

Tonight I came across a blog that I started in 2008.  The posts were sporadic, but it was fun to be temporarily transported back to such a different place in my life.  In the old posts I discuss having two toddlers, the struggles of living so far away from family and the constant battle with my weight.  I was amazed and felt truly blessed for the ways my life has changed in the six years since then.

In one of the posts I talk about the desire to turn to exercise for stress relief.  Although I seemed to believe that would never be possible for me, it has somehow become a reality.  I discuss the longing to be closer to my family and help my children grow up with their cousins being a more frequent part of their lives. I settle on the belief that would not happen for us, but it certainly has.

It is interesting that we long for things to be different but oftentimes settle on what we feel must be the hand we have been dealt.  It is not until some time later that we learn even those things that seem impossible can become reality with some time and patience.

In the years following those blog posts I was given an amazing opportunity to participate in the Biggest Healthiest Loser program at work and begin my mind and body transformation.  This sent my life in a new direction that has been focused on exercise and healthier choices.  Additionally, taking a new role at work sent my family on a new path.  This one brought us closer to family and to this beautiful place we call home in the Shenandoah Valley.  The person who wrote those blogs would have probably laughed at the prospect of this future.

So many times we feel a situation will never change or that a new path will not be presented to us. However, life happens in the most unexpected ways and many times gives us exactly what we need when the time is right for it.  So hang in there and enjoy this amazing journey through life.

Gotta Keep Going!

Prior to meeting my old trainer the thought of running, without someone chasing me with a knife, had really never crossed my mind.  However, as with many things, Laura was determined to make us step outside of our comfort zone, break through the limits we had set for ourselves and realize our true strength.  When she first mentioned running to me I thought she was crazy; however, she had a way of making people feel like they could do anything.  So during that morning workout I increased the speed on my treadmill and began to jog.

That first run on the treadmill was a little torturous, but over time it did get better.  All these years later and having two half marathons under my belt, you would expect me to say that she turned me into an expert runner. However, that is definitely not the case.  Each time I set out on my journeys I am hopeful to complete the trek without walking, but inevitably fall short.  Maybe I stop because I feel out of breath, my heart rate is too high or my mind convinces me that I can't go any further.  It has become hard for me to determine whether I truly can't take another step or my mind is telling me I have reached the limit.  Oh the power and the trickery of my mind when it comes to these things.  

It is frustrating to have worked on something for so long and see little improvement; however, I don't let it stop me.  I get back out there each time and try to push a little harder.  Some days are good and others throw me back a step or two.  I don't know whether running will ever be something that comes easy for me, but I don't plan to give up just because it is hard.  I might not be good at it or make it the whole time without walking, but the important part is that I don't stop trying.  

Whatever your thing is... don't give up because you aren't perfect at it, don't do it as well as others, it isn't as easy for you or whatever reason you come up with.  There are lots of people that don't even try or give up when they can't do it as they had envisioned it being done.  We aren't all good at the same things, but it is not a reason to stop trying. Get out there, do your best and feel good with what you have accomplished.     

What are you Running From?

I saw a funny ad for a new activity tracker that tells you why you run.  It was entertaining to watch as they went through all the things the actors were running from; being the fat kid, the nerd, lack of success or the happily ever after you don't have.  Of course this product is not real, but it did remind me that so many people, including myself, run for one or more of these or similar reasons.

Each time I head to the gym I am running, even when that is not the workout for the day, from a past and a person that I no longer want to be.  I remember the early days of this journey being filled with dread that success was not possible, that being fat and out of shape was all I could be and feeling nothing would keep the weight from returning.  I can't say with certainty that those feelings have completely vanished, but I know my confidence in keeping this lifestyle is much higher than it was five years ago.  And to be honest..... I have begun to fear a day that I would not have some of these feelings.  What if I become comfortable and stop running from the old, fat me...

I have spent some time and discussed this topic with others who have traveled similar paths.  I find that most are in agreement.  We feel that on some level it is a healthy desire to fear returning to our old selves, the unhealthy ways and gaining the weight back.  It seems part of our success is attributed, even if only in our minds, to the fact that we are running.  I am sure that others would disagree and someday I might feel differently too.  However, for now I will lace up my shoes and keep on running.

Living in the Now

Sometimes I lose track of the fact that I must remain in the now.  Whether it is a relationship that has recently changed, missed days at the gym, past mistakes or choices that come back to make us second guess whether the right path was taken.  This is torture and worst of all it is totally unnecessary.  The past can't be changed no matter how badly you wish for it to.

So since no one, at least that I know, can change it we need to focus on the now.  We can control the choices we make in this moment.  It might be how we react to that bad thing that just happened, handling the memory of that choice from the past that comes back to our minds, occurrences in our childhood, the decisions of a loved one or a missed opportunity. Our reaction to each of these things can change our lives forever.  We can choose not to forgive someone else for a mistake and live without them.  We can let someone cutting us off in traffic ruin our whole day and cause us to react negatively to other people in our lives.  We can blame our parents for anything we don't like about ourselves.  However, at the end of the day you are left with yourself and your choices.  

I lost an old friend a while ago and although we had not been in contact for years it was really tough.  I found myself wondering if I could have done something different in our time together to change the fate of their life because it seemed so unfair that they were taken so young.  I obsessed over any time that I could have treated them better, been more supportive, etc..  These things can torture you, but at the end of the day it can't be changed.  Additionally, I made a very difficult decision many years ago that left a gap in our lives.  I know that this was necessary, but sometimes it surfaces and is hard to relive.  In these times where the past surfaces and seems to be pulling me to second guess decisions, contemplate possible alternate outcomes and different paths that could have been taken... I try to remember there is no going back, no changing it.  There have been and will be more things that happen in life that will be difficult, but the best decision must be made and continue moving forward.   

This is your life and you are in control of the now.  You can make decisions and have reactions that create new opportunities or ruin chances for success, enhance the lives of others around you or not.  It is up to you. Sure we are going to mess things up from time to time, hurt those that we love and take the wrong turn. Don't dwell on it.  Instead ask for forgiveness, if necessary, keep the lesson learned for the future and move forward.   

There is also this looming future that we can spend hours worrying about, guessing what might happen and in the end the result is a lot of lost time in the present on a fictitious future.  Another complete time waster.  Not many people can truly predict the future.  Sure the way we handle the now will impact the future, but there is no need to dwell on what might happen.  Making the best decision at this moment will give you the future that is intended to happen. Just continue focusing on the now, making the best choices you can and learning from your mistakes. 

You can't dwell on what has happened, decisions that were made or the impact others allow us or don't allow us to make in their lives.  Also, it is unnecessary to spend hours wondering what an outcome will be or the results of a decision you have made.  The goal must be to do in the present moment the best you can and savior it. 

All we really have at any given time is that moment, and I, for one, want to be better about remaining present without the baggage from the past and the worry of the future.  I guess it is similar to the quote that says something to the affect of if you spend too much time looking at the closed door you miss all the other ones that open up.  Don't let life slip by while you are stuck in the past or worrying about tomorrow.  What has happened can't be changed and tomorrow is going to happen whether we worry about what it holds.  Live for today and make it the best you can.  

When I focus on the now and live in the present moment I find things less stressful, feel happier and there is a strong sense of peace.  

Take Time....

Sometimes I find myself sitting alone and replaying the events of recent days/weeks/months.  Tonight, as we close the day, I am reminiscing about the summer of 2014.  Yes, there have been summers with more life changing happenings, bigger changes and maybe even more excitement. However, I was sad to see this one end.  

This summer was a bit of a blur for me.  I spent the beginning prepping for our annual beach trip, the middle working on a presentation for a July business trip and then traveling.  Once that trip was over, it was time to squeeze in the last few weeks of summer.  We made a trip to Charlotte and then last week we finished it out the way it started, in Hilton Head.  After two trips there this summer, I can definitely say that is my happy place.  And.. it became so much better two years ago when my best friend relocated there.  

I had lots of time this summer with my family and friends.  I have some special memories of real quality time spent with the people that I love so dearly.  I want to thank my sister, Mom and best friend, Mel for taking the time out of their lives to spend it with us this summer.  Thanks to my brother for traveling to Charlotte to help us make my mother's birthday special and for watching my furry child so we could go to the beach one last time before summer was over.  I am truly blessed with some amazing people to share this journey.  

I hope that every year you take the time to leave work behind, escape the daily life that keeps us so busy and have some uninterrupted time with those you love.  I am truly grateful to have no doubt that I work so that I can enjoy life spent with those I cherish.  I take great pride in my work, but at the end of the day I turn it off and come home.