Balancing Without Losing Myself

When I had my first blood clot 13 years ago it was a shock.  Sure I had read the birth control labels that you had a chance of clots and that smoking could increase that risk.  However, I never thought it could happen to me.  One of those things you file away and never comes to mind again.

In the months following my first clot I went through a lot of testing, and it was concluded that I did not have any genetic risk factors.  This clot seemed to logically be the result of birth control, smoking, being overweight and a long plane flight to Mexico without enough movement.  These things were easily eliminated or prevented in the future.  

Giving up smoking was tough at times and the thought of life without any hormones was rough; however, this all seemed very manageable.  I learned to get up and walk on flights and stop more frequently on car rides.  I was a bit slower to take care of the overweight/unhealthy part; however, over the years this became a very big part of my life.  

Many years later I found the only time my mind drifted to the clot was when my leg would swell and cause discomfort.  I never worried about another clot because the risk factors were eliminated or at least I truly believed they were.  

Fast forward to February 2016 and I am doing amazing. The fitness part of my life is right on track, I am eating well and things are just falling into place.  I am getting ready to sign up for my first mud run in a few years.  I am pumped up and just at the tail end of a burpee challenge.  

I wake up one morning to some abnormal swelling in my leg.  So here is where clot #2 enters my life. After a day of not really being concerned, the test confirms this is another clot and the present journey begins.  

I am currently six months post second clot.  We don't have much in the way of reasons for this one, except the previous clot and some borderline test results.  It is a bit frustrating not to have a concrete reason that I can just remove from my life.  I made the decision last week to remain on a preventative dose of the blood thinners.  This still does not sit well with me, but it appeared to be the most logical conclusion.  

Now begins the process of doing what I want but balancing the risks of another clot and side effects of this drug.  I love to travel, but I need to be more conscious of getting out on a regular basis.  I enjoy a few beers from time to time; however, I find that this can cause the leg to really be annoyed with me.  I love being physically active, hiking, doing race events, but I need to make sure I manage the risks of these things.  Here starts the balancing of risks and life.  I don't want to allow this medical condition to dictate my activities and enjoyment.  However, I must be aware of it in my decisions.

I want to continue doing what I want to do and pushing myself to explore areas outside of my comfort zone.  However, I will need to take more time to research and think through my next steps before I jump in.  This is just part of the balance to ensure enjoyment without too much unnecessary risk.

Throughout life we each face challenges of varying degrees.  Some are definitely more life changing than others and require a much tougher battle to fight.  However, each has to opportunity to change us or define us in a different way.  I want to remain focused in the face of these challenges and not get lost in them.