The Struggle to Find Routine Again

It has been almost four months since my last entry.  I could say that I have been too busy with packing, finding a new house, moving and getting settled.  However, the truth is the fat girl was in control.  In all seriousness, I was headed down a much too familiar path, and I knew that writing would mean facing that head on.  Blogging is often a way I work through my feelings, fears, barriers and find strength.  It also has a way of holding me accountable.  Instead of facing the truth of my actions, I turned to food for comfort and began to believe that I had justified reasons for skipping the gym.

It is frightening how easily I slipped out of the healthy patterns that I had created.  One bit of unexpected news, and I was full of excuses to pave the road to bad choices and behaviors.  It did not take much to return back to a mental state that has led to many unhealthy choices in my past.  Even though this visit lasted too long, now that I look back, I am happy to have returned to the right path.  Of course every trip comes with some extra baggage and this one was no different.  I am now the proud owner of a new 15 pounds I did not have last year. 

There is a fine balance in my life with allowing for needed time to rest and giving into a part of me that will say one more day or we will start again Monday.  Each time I told myself returning to the gym would come next week or one more day off wouldn't hurt, there was another voice that was sounding the alarm.  There was some weird comfort in knowing that part of me realized what was happening. 

 Now that I am returning to my routine the balance of power has shifted.  The fat girl, as I have lovingly called her in the past, inside of me is fighting hard but now the fighter (beast as some might call her) inside is getting louder again.  She is pushing me into that 3rd round of the interval routine when the fat girl is throwing out all the reasons to stop.  The fighter slept quietly for months with only a few reminders of her presence, but today she stands proud and ready to push harder.  

Of course I could beat myself up about those 3 months and the fact that I will be struggling to lose this weight for months; however, the truth is that it is done and moving forward is the only option. It would be silly to say there won't be times like this again; however, I hope the fighter wins out in the end.  

Life is lived best when pushing limits, expanding thoughts and gaining new strength.  My wish for each tomorrow is to wake stronger, live fuller and love deeper.  Change will not come overnight but each day is a small step forward or backward.  Take the time to remember the direction you are headed, learn from the slip ups and celebrate each individual day on this amazing journey.