Loss and New Additions

There is something unique and different about animal lovers.  We often shy away from movies not because they are horror flicks but due to an animal dying.  I remember reading books as a child and hating them when the dog died.   And I still won't watch a film that involves a dog dying.  

I am very grateful that I was born into a family that honored the relationship between pet and owner.  This naturally resulted in my becoming a dog lover, and I see the same relationship between my children and the animals that we have had in our home.  There is a very special bond that develops between animals and owners.

I will be the first to admit that animals take time out of your life, they take money for food and vet expenses and you often have to adjust life to some of their needs.  However, I can confidently say that they are worth all that and much more.  I have been repaid for every expense through their outpouring of unconditional love.

 With the passing of Max I was reminded of the role a dog plays in my life and the way I am raising my children.  When I learned of Max’s death it was an awful sadness and some regret that I was not there with him when it happened.  He had spent the majority of his life providing unconditional love to me, and I left him during a time he was suffering.  I still fill with sadness at this thought, but I am comforted that he was with my brother's family and loved.

It was a hard decision whether to wait or get another dog quickly.  The kids wanted to do it soon, and the empty house made my sadness grow.  Therefore, we began the search to adopt a new furry child.  The kids decided it was best to ask Max to bring the right dog for our family into our lives.  Shortly after that they began the search, and it was not long until they found the one.

Kent and the kids said it was love at first sight and an instant bond.  They knew at that moment that our dog had been found, and the next day she came home.  It has been a little over four weeks since we adopted Nellie, but she has become a very special member of the family.  Her presence has not replaced the sorrow we still hold for losing our beloved Max, but it has helped us begin to heal.

Each pet has held a very special place in my heart.  Each time I have lost one has been an awful pain, but I would feel it over and over again, because the joy brought into my life by them is more than worth it.  I am truly blessed that I am able to share my life and my house with an animal.  We love, learn and grow from their presence in our lives

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Time to Refocus

It has been a long time since I have really focused on my eating.  My exercise has allowed me to be very lenient with my diet and not gain any weight recently; however, I never took off the 20 pounds I gained in the winter.  Therefore, I decided it is time to refocus and set a goal.  With my 40th birthday arriving in 37 weeks it seemed like a great time to start.  My goal is to lose 50 pounds before June 7th.  Wow, did I really just say that?

Putting that in writing is a little scary, but this feeling is very familiar.  When this journey first began 7 years ago I was scared of failing, unsure of my ability to conquer this lifelong struggle with weight and worried about falling back into old ways.  However, I discovered strength I did not realize I had, fought against a voice that was hard to ignore and won a battle that seemed impossible at first sight.

Even though the goal this time is much smaller, the task seems just as massive.  My success before was not a result of me alone, and I will look to the same support system once again.  My friends and family are amazing. I know they will be there to celebrate the successes or remind me that the bad days will happen but don't mean failure.

It has been a nice break, but it is time to finish this final stretch that I have battled with for the last five years. This weight has come off and back on a few times, but I am ready to say goodbye for good.

Tomorrow is a new day.  If there is a change that needs to be made, there is no better time than now.  Wish me luck!  Oh yeah... It is not about luck...  It is about hard freaking work and taking it one day at a time.

Pushing Yourself and Growing

With my alarm set earlier than a normal weekday I set off to bed last night.  I was not looking forward to the workout I had planned for my morning or the time of day I was going to rise for it.  I thought of many reasons not to do it and options for skipping it.  Regardless, I drifted to sleep with these thoughts still swirling in my head.

When the phone alerted me that the morning had arrived and it was time to go I set off to the track. The plan was 20 laps and between each one I was going to perform burpees, squats, pushups and crunches.  I have to admit it was much harder than I envisioned, and there were times in the first mile that I thought about giving up.  However, I pushed ahead and completed most of the goal I set out to achieve.  Around 4 miles my knees were done, and I had to stop.  It was still a better workout than my normal Saturday routine, and I gained a lot from the experience.  

Sometimes people have told me that these workouts are extreme, unnecessary or just insane. The former version of me would have definitely thought I was nuts.  However, I learn and grow from each one.  

I feel humbled by these routines for their ability to represent how far I have come and how much further I can still grow in my physical abilities.  This body was sedentary for many, many years, and I have made some pretty impressive progress.  I also appreciate the abilities of others so much more when I read about things they have accomplished because I have experienced a piece of it first hand.  

Pushing myself is something that I have come to enjoy. It is that moment when I reach that edge and keep going that I grow.  I might not always accomplish what I set out to achieve, but I attempt things that some never even try. 

Sometimes the journey is not about where the destination lies. Instead it is about the trip and what is gained along the way.  

Imperfectly Perfect

I have come to realize that I don't have a clue as to what perfect is or even normal.  As humans we have certain things we have set in place to measure our friends, our lives, our success and ourselves. Some of us can get caught up comparing ourselves to others or measuring against this invisible standard we have created.  However, in truth we are imperfectly perfect and so are our lives.

I realize that life can feel like a mess at times.  We have bad days, we don't feel comfortable in our own skin or someone looks more perfect in life or body than we do.  Not only are these experiences as important to life as any others, but they should help us reflect on why we feel the way we do about the situation, ourselves or others.  Who set the standard that we are using as measurement?

I have learned that so much of the joy that comes from life is not always from the "perfect" moments. It is a magical blend of happiness, sadness, grief, joy, pain, excitement and exhilaration.  Just like the best recipes it would not be nearly as good with a missing ingredient.  Each item plays a very valuable part in the whole.  I have often said that sorrow means we have experienced joy.  Without one extreme it is impossible to have the other one.  I would not trade the amazing moments to be spared the ones of sadness.

If you find yourself in a moment that does not seem perfect, take a moment to pause and remember it is all part of the journey.  Each day we are given is an amazing gift.  

Memories and Thoughts of You

My mind often drifts off or is triggered to think of a person or special place.  This may even occur multiple times over days or weeks.  I can go for lengths of time where it seems there was not a single thought of someone and then suddenly the memories begin to flow into my consciousness.

I have felt there is much more to the connection between people we have shared a closeness with.  I wonder to what extent, if any, that continues after they are gone or just outside of our daily lives.  Is the existence of what seems like coincidental reminders of them just random or is there something more to the energy we all share?

You reach out to an old friend because the thought of them popped into your head.  Your message is received with the surprise reaction that they were thinking of you or needed to hear from my old friend.  Is it possible that we are connected and know when another needs our touch?

Then there are the times when we find ourselves remembering someone that was close to us who is no longer living.  This might be a reminder of the special things they helped contribute to your life, a funny moment or a certain place you shared with them.  It makes me wonder if that is their way of reminding us of their love and the happiness our lives gained from their presence. Even though these times can certainly bring mixed emotions of sadness, anger, grief and happiness, they should be cherished, as the connection shared with them was very special. In these moments I am reminded that to feel pain often means that you have felt excessive joy and love.

I am grateful for the connections I share with the other people in my life and the times thoughts of them flood my mind.  I cherish moments when I am compelled to reach out to an old friend and say hello. I love expressing my feelings to others and the gratitude I have for the ways they help to enhance my life experience.  We are each on a journey and without all those to which we share this path it would be much less joyful.

Whether our paths crossed for a moment or we shared years together my life has forever been changed because you were part of it.

I am Back!!

It feels so good to be where I am mentally on this journey.  This is a place I have been before, and often spend time wondering how to get myself back when it seems too far away.  It is that place where every little piece of the puzzle fits. My workouts come easily, the focus remains on the goals and it just feels right.  During these times it is almost impossible to understand how I ever lose this amazing mindset.

If there is one thing that has been consistent throughout, it would most definitely be the twists, turns, ups and downs of this journey.  I know there will be times that aren't this perfect, missed workouts and there might even be weeks when I steer completely off course.

We all have those times in life where it is just not going right.  Sure we could dwell on those moments and linger in that place; however, it is best to give ourselves some time and remain focused on the road ahead.  Looking back is not going to get us any closer, and dwelling on the past certainly won't change it.

So I will choose to love every moment of this stage and embrace the future moments that won't go quite as well. This journey is a much larger picture than I can see at any given moment, good or bad.

You never know what tomorrow is going to bring so make the best of today.

The Tools for Becoming a Stronger Healthier Me

Somewhere along this journey I started to get interested in strength training.  At first it was just to tone as I lost weight, but, it has turned into a desire to be strong, develop visible muscle mass and obtain gains in my routines.  I have grown to really love the feeling that comes from lifting weights and pushing myself through that last rep that seems impossible to complete.  There is a sense of pride felt when stepping up to a rack of weights and knowing what to do with them. 

My recent addition to this part of my routine has been a barbell, and I have to say that I love that 45lb piece of metal.  Sure it was a bit of a pain to get home from Charlotte, where I found it used, but it has been so worth it.  

Once it arrived, it was obvious that my makeshift garage workout area needed a face lift to make room for the new addition.  First, it needed a squat rack.  However, if you know me, you are fully aware that I am cheap and squat racks are not.  Therefore, I turned to the Internet for help and quickly found DIY solutions.  I am happy to report that my barbell happily sits on its new rack which can be used for squats and, at a lower level, chest press.  

I have had dumbbells, a weight bench and pull up bar for years, but this new addition has brought a whole new level of fitness to my home workouts.  Here is Friday's workout using my garage gym. My form is a work in progress, but it has come a long way.  

Just like my journey to lose weight the strength training is a slow process.  Even though it seems the weight came off easily it took the same consistency and determination this will require.  I have to show up to my workouts, do my very best and keep coming back.  Most things don't happen overnight and this is no exception.  I have two choices: sit here and allow my goals to get further ahead of me or get out there and take a step closer each day.  Just have to keep moving forward.