Life Changing Loss and The Years That Follow

My father passed away eight years ago.  I remember feeling that life had suddently changed.  I spent months with a lot of anger toward older people.  It was totally irrational!!  I guess it was just part of my trying to work through my loss.  I was 29 when my dad died, and my son was 5 months old.  It seemed that he was taken from me too early, but I have to remember how extremely lucky I was to have him as long as I did.

There are so many things that continue to remind me of him.  It can be a certain look I get from Owen, something funny Cate does that reminds me of how much he would have loved her or all the times we are together as a family.  Then there are the times that I can't remember something about him or it seems that life without him as become too normal, and I begin to weep.

A sadness is present about the fact that life is starting to feel normal without him in it. There is almost a sense of guilt about this feeling.  I know this does not seem rational, but it is part of my processing this loss and life without him.  

I hope to continue to cherish every moment where I think of him, see his characteristics or mannerisms that are displayed through my children or a memory shared with friends or family. One of the best things about my father was the friends of mine that he made feel they were one of his own kids.  I have so many friends that I get to share special memories of my dad with because he meant so much to them as well.  I love sharing those conversations with them.  The fact that my father touched so many lives fills me with joy.

Although his physical presence is no longer with us, I truly know that his spirit lives on within our family and those he loved.  I hope that my children get to know their grandfather through the memories we share with them.

As the anniversary of his death approaches I want to focus on celebrating his life and the wonderfaul ways he impacted the person I am today.  May this day be a celebration of the love that he gave me and all the ways he continues to touch my life each day.