Ever since I started this journey my success and failure has almost always been held in the number displayed on the scale. Why do we put so much emphasis on weight? It does not seem that it is even an accurate representative of a person's health. However, so many of us step onto the scale, while saying a little prayer for a loss, in hope of some positive reinforcement for the changes we have made.
For years this worked well for me. I would work hard, eat right and the scale would reflect this with positive changes. However, in the last 12-18 months things shifted and my weight no longer is a good representation of my working out and eating right. Now it has become a frustrating experience that leaves me wondering why I do all this hard work. I have heard it all from muscle weighs more than fat to you can't gain 2 pounds that fast or even that it must be water weight to have come on that fast. Well, I am still holding onto 10 pounds from last spring, so I know I can gain it fast and it sticks.
Since my weight has become a roller coaster of numbers and less than motivational, I have decided to just stop weighing myself. I still track my food each day, try to make sensible meal choices and of course hit the gym 6 days a week; however, I want to focus on the greater purposes of this journey. I am setting an example for my family to lead a more active lifestyle, my health is benefited from the exercise and my actions impact those around me that are struggling with their own journeys.
There is definitely still a part of me that holds onto the vanity of wanting to see that number, wanting to look a certain way in the mirror, but I want to learn to be happy with the amazing benefits I have gained. I am so fortunate to have found this place in my life where I enjoy exercise, look at my days as opportunities to be active and want to take care of my body. It might not look perfect, but this body can do some amazing things. I hope to continue pushing myself to get stronger and healthier, neither of which can be measured by a number on the scale.
Tuesday, April 29, 2014
Monday, March 24, 2014
Just Get Moving
There are some people in my life that I can give a lot of credit to for keeping me focused on this journey. However, I don't think they always realize the impact that they have. Even a simple statement can trigger something within me. It can be a friend sharing their daily workout, on a day that seems void of any motivation to exercise, or a coworker mentioning to me their recent weight loss success. Their journey inspires me and reminds me of my own.
Recently, a coworker was sharing with me her determination to become more active and lose weight. She purchased a Fitbit, and we were discussing her step count each day. Remembering that I had a pedometer I decided to start wearing it. My goal is to start moving more.
This weekend I created a lofty step goal of 10,000 a day. It was easily achieved, but I knew returning to work would send that goal much further out of reach. I have a desk job so there are not many opportunities to move around. Actually, I was surprised to see today's steps even reach 1,000. After the gym and an evening walk, I did not end up too bad, with almost 7,500 steps. However, I needed a plan for the time I was at work.
So... tomorrow I have a plan! A friend's suggestion prompted me to decide that every hour I will do some laps around the area outside my office. This will surely be a great break for my body and mind throughout the day at the cost of just a few minutes. No, I don't expect this extra movement to produce lots of weight loss or replace my time in the gym, but it certainly can possess some amazing health benefits with a very short expenditure of time.
So there you have it, one simple conversation helped me become focused on a new way to improve my health, both mental and physical. This is a good reason to talk about your journey with others and share theirs with them. You never know when you will lose your way, have a bump in the road or need the strength of someone that is headed down a similar path. I have learned from my journey that I can't do it alone. Yes, at the end of the day I am responsible for what I put into my body and how much I exercise; however, the path is much easier with friends.
Recently, a coworker was sharing with me her determination to become more active and lose weight. She purchased a Fitbit, and we were discussing her step count each day. Remembering that I had a pedometer I decided to start wearing it. My goal is to start moving more.
This weekend I created a lofty step goal of 10,000 a day. It was easily achieved, but I knew returning to work would send that goal much further out of reach. I have a desk job so there are not many opportunities to move around. Actually, I was surprised to see today's steps even reach 1,000. After the gym and an evening walk, I did not end up too bad, with almost 7,500 steps. However, I needed a plan for the time I was at work.
So... tomorrow I have a plan! A friend's suggestion prompted me to decide that every hour I will do some laps around the area outside my office. This will surely be a great break for my body and mind throughout the day at the cost of just a few minutes. No, I don't expect this extra movement to produce lots of weight loss or replace my time in the gym, but it certainly can possess some amazing health benefits with a very short expenditure of time.
So there you have it, one simple conversation helped me become focused on a new way to improve my health, both mental and physical. This is a good reason to talk about your journey with others and share theirs with them. You never know when you will lose your way, have a bump in the road or need the strength of someone that is headed down a similar path. I have learned from my journey that I can't do it alone. Yes, at the end of the day I am responsible for what I put into my body and how much I exercise; however, the path is much easier with friends.
Tuesday, March 18, 2014
What Motivates Us to Change?
I have often wondered how I stayed motivated during the beginning of this weight loss journey. It was a time of tremendous change. My eating habits were altered, I began to include exercise as a regular part of my life and a pretty miraculous transformation began.
As I look back on the early part of my weight loss it all appears so easy now. Whether it was or not at the time is no longer obvious to me. Then I turn to try to understand where my motivation came from. There must have been something pushing me to make all those changes and keep me headed in the right direction. Was it the Biggest Loser contest at work, the friends I made that shared the new lifestyle and the struggles of adjustment to it, the trainer that pushed me beyond where I thought my limits resided or was it something inside me that wanted to break the cycle for good. I am not sure I am any closer to knowing where that strength came from. However, I do know that at times like this I long for the answer. I want some magical switch that will align everything to make the struggles I experience with weight easier.
I know that my challenges will always be something that I have to battle. Even if I were to lose all these remaining pounds I will have to fight to keep them off. Maybe I will get closer to the answer of what motivates me to be on the right track and what steers me off. It would seemingly make all this much easier.
I am still amazed by all the mental aspects of struggles with weight and eating. I see it everyday where people hide their emotions in food. Heck I have been guilty of rewarding my children with dinner out or ice cream to celebrate an accomplishment. Food has some serious misuse in our society, and I am among the abusers. Food is like an old relationship that is destructive to my well being. Sure I know that it is not a healthy relationship and that I would be better off to get it out of my life, but something draws me back into those old habits time and time again.
So I am left to ponder where my motivation lies in those times of focus and progress. Is it something tangible that can be grasped for help to fight the fat girl with all her emotional eating or something buried deep inside that periodically comes to the surface but can be easily pushed back down without focus. I have a lot of determination, will power and I thrive on getting what I want. Seems like all the pieces are there, but something is still missing from time to time. My search continues....
Tuesday, March 11, 2014
An Epic Adventure
I decided to take today off because of the unseasonably warm weather. Last night Kent and I researched some hikes in the nearby National Park and decided on one with tons of waterfalls. Since this would be a hike without the kids, it gave us a chance to do one that is a little longer and more difficult. So, we had our plan set.
I started to feel a little apprehensive about being out of cell service for a few hours, but we would be done no later than 1. So we dropped the kids off at school, ran and errand, then we headed to the mountain. The park was nearly empty at 9 in the morning and the weather was beautiful. It seemed to be a perfect start. We pulled into the parking lot about 9:30. Even though Kent felt we were not in the right place, we headed out. We knew the first trail on our route was a horse trail and we found that across the street from the lot. Ha! I was right after all.
After following the horse trail covered in snow for over a mile, we had some more doubts that we might not be in the right place. Around the 2 mile mark we hit one of the trails we knew was on our planned route and took it. The mile marker said 3 miles to the next trail that would loop and lead us back. It all sounded good to us. We began descending the trail, which was pretty darn steep, feeling grateful that we did not need to return via this route.
The trail soon was bordered by an awesome stream. It was beautiful and started forming waterfall after waterfall. We stopped on a few occasions to take pictures and enjoy the amazing scenery. We were having a great time descending this beautiful trail and not doing too bad on time.
Unfortunately, we arrived at trail signs at the bottom of the mountain that said the other trail was 5 miles long. WHAT!!! The whole trail was supposed to be 7.3 miles, and we had now traveled 5 miles. That meant we should have between 2 and 2.5 miles. Yes we figured it was going to be all uphill and we had read it was all stairs. All this seemed so much better than going back up the miles we had come down. But 5 miles was WAY more than we were prepared for. So we went to the parking lot that was at this end of the trailhead to read the map, which was not available at the trailhead we had taken from inside the park. Unfortunately, the map did not show what we remembered about the trail we thought we were on. Uh-oh.
So it was now 1pm and 2 hours before the kids would be getting off the bus. We had been on this trail more than 3 hours, so taking the same route back and being home in time for the kids did not seem possible. Finding someone that would take us the 50+ miles around the mountain was not likely. Therefore, we needed to find a way to call a friend to get the kids off the bus and then begin the long hike back to the car. We asked a few people whether they had cell service and all the answers were no. However, we did ask a really nice couple that offered to drive Kent to a local store to use the phone.
45 minutes later he had talked to a friend that was going to take on this task, even though it was going to take some creative shuffling on her part. So we headed back up the trail. After all the downhill hiking, I was looking forward to some uphill climbing. However, this feeling faded about a mile up. Wow that was a lot of stepping up from one rock to another and at times felt a little like I was crawling. We had to take breaks here and there to catch our breath.
We made it back to the road about 3:30 and decided to take the road back to the car instead of the horse trail. As we approached the road we saw the parking lot we were initially supposed to begin from. Unfortunately, our parking lot was almost 2 miles up the road. We slowly trekked by to the car and headed home.
After getting Kent home for work, picking up the kids and thanking my friend, I headed to get some food. We had taken snacks and water on the hike, but we did not realize we would be out there so long and had very little to eat all day. After some nutrition delivered to Kent and mine eaten, I decided a shower was very needed. I was covered in dirt from head to toe.
Now that the kids are home, we have eaten and I am clean it is time to reflect on some of today's lessons. Don't hike on a new trail without a map and confirming you are in the right location. My husband obviously loves me. Not once was he mean or nasty about the fact that I led us on the wrong trail and caused us to wander in the woods for over 5 hours. My friend Stacey and her husband are awesome. I am soo grateful to them for being there for us today.
Even though today did not go perfect, in the end I was reminded of God in numerous ways. The amazing beauty of the landscape we traversed, the couple that trusted us and wanted to help us make sure the kids were safe, the fact that my friend answered her cell phone at work (she always has it on silent and in a drawer, but today it was on her desk. Also, she happened to see it ringing and picked up a number she did not even recognize).
All in all it was an adventure that we will remember for a long time, and it has broken my desire for a day long hike for a while. I will get back out of there this spring, but with a map, an accurate altitude change expectation and shorter distance trail.
I started to feel a little apprehensive about being out of cell service for a few hours, but we would be done no later than 1. So we dropped the kids off at school, ran and errand, then we headed to the mountain. The park was nearly empty at 9 in the morning and the weather was beautiful. It seemed to be a perfect start. We pulled into the parking lot about 9:30. Even though Kent felt we were not in the right place, we headed out. We knew the first trail on our route was a horse trail and we found that across the street from the lot. Ha! I was right after all.
After following the horse trail covered in snow for over a mile, we had some more doubts that we might not be in the right place. Around the 2 mile mark we hit one of the trails we knew was on our planned route and took it. The mile marker said 3 miles to the next trail that would loop and lead us back. It all sounded good to us. We began descending the trail, which was pretty darn steep, feeling grateful that we did not need to return via this route.
The trail soon was bordered by an awesome stream. It was beautiful and started forming waterfall after waterfall. We stopped on a few occasions to take pictures and enjoy the amazing scenery. We were having a great time descending this beautiful trail and not doing too bad on time.
Unfortunately, we arrived at trail signs at the bottom of the mountain that said the other trail was 5 miles long. WHAT!!! The whole trail was supposed to be 7.3 miles, and we had now traveled 5 miles. That meant we should have between 2 and 2.5 miles. Yes we figured it was going to be all uphill and we had read it was all stairs. All this seemed so much better than going back up the miles we had come down. But 5 miles was WAY more than we were prepared for. So we went to the parking lot that was at this end of the trailhead to read the map, which was not available at the trailhead we had taken from inside the park. Unfortunately, the map did not show what we remembered about the trail we thought we were on. Uh-oh.
So it was now 1pm and 2 hours before the kids would be getting off the bus. We had been on this trail more than 3 hours, so taking the same route back and being home in time for the kids did not seem possible. Finding someone that would take us the 50+ miles around the mountain was not likely. Therefore, we needed to find a way to call a friend to get the kids off the bus and then begin the long hike back to the car. We asked a few people whether they had cell service and all the answers were no. However, we did ask a really nice couple that offered to drive Kent to a local store to use the phone.
45 minutes later he had talked to a friend that was going to take on this task, even though it was going to take some creative shuffling on her part. So we headed back up the trail. After all the downhill hiking, I was looking forward to some uphill climbing. However, this feeling faded about a mile up. Wow that was a lot of stepping up from one rock to another and at times felt a little like I was crawling. We had to take breaks here and there to catch our breath.
We made it back to the road about 3:30 and decided to take the road back to the car instead of the horse trail. As we approached the road we saw the parking lot we were initially supposed to begin from. Unfortunately, our parking lot was almost 2 miles up the road. We slowly trekked by to the car and headed home.
After getting Kent home for work, picking up the kids and thanking my friend, I headed to get some food. We had taken snacks and water on the hike, but we did not realize we would be out there so long and had very little to eat all day. After some nutrition delivered to Kent and mine eaten, I decided a shower was very needed. I was covered in dirt from head to toe.
Now that the kids are home, we have eaten and I am clean it is time to reflect on some of today's lessons. Don't hike on a new trail without a map and confirming you are in the right location. My husband obviously loves me. Not once was he mean or nasty about the fact that I led us on the wrong trail and caused us to wander in the woods for over 5 hours. My friend Stacey and her husband are awesome. I am soo grateful to them for being there for us today.
Even though today did not go perfect, in the end I was reminded of God in numerous ways. The amazing beauty of the landscape we traversed, the couple that trusted us and wanted to help us make sure the kids were safe, the fact that my friend answered her cell phone at work (she always has it on silent and in a drawer, but today it was on her desk. Also, she happened to see it ringing and picked up a number she did not even recognize).
All in all it was an adventure that we will remember for a long time, and it has broken my desire for a day long hike for a while. I will get back out of there this spring, but with a map, an accurate altitude change expectation and shorter distance trail.
Saturday, March 1, 2014
Losing the Same Weight Again...
You would think that when you realize how much work it takes to lose weight that the last thing you would want to do is lose the same pounds again. However, many times I have found myself right where I am today. Countless times I have seen these same numbers pass over the scale and wondered why I allowed the weight to come back again. Thankfully I have never gotten close to the 300 pounds I once was and have only resided in the 200s for a moment a few years ago, but it is still hard to see all that hard work erased.
Ever since the beginning of my battle with weight, there have been periods of determination that were followed by times of complete disregard for calorie counting and exercise. When my focus returns I am amazed and a bit humored by the absurdity of my previous thoughts. My mind justifies my horrible eating in many stupid ways, and I push off exercise for a plethora of idiotic reasons. It is interesting all the things you can make yourself believe to be valid reasons to not do the things that you so obviously know you should. I know there is just not a good reason but also know these periods of time will inevitably return. My focus will be to try to limit them as much as possible.
I have to truly thank my friends for their continued encouragement which helps return me to the right path and keep me focused. Knowing that I have been a source of inspiration and change for others is truly amazing and helps motivate me to turn this weight gain around. Therefore, I am going to enjoy my return to calorie counting, caring about what I put into my body and working out with purpose again. Hopefully this momentum will continue for a while.
Saturday, January 25, 2014
The Journey Continues...
I hate to report that my weight loss and exercise journey has seen a few significant bumps in the last six weeks. Through holidays, travels, illness and general life stress I allowed my eating and laziness to prevail. At times this was justified due to my health and a desire to rest and listen to my body. Unfortunately, this led to a break in routines. It continues to amaze me how easily the patterns created for years can be broken, but with the support of friends the return to the right path is never too far away. Must keep it in my sights and continue to push toward it each day. I can't focus on the 10-15 pound weight gain, but just making the right choices each day. It is not about looking to the past but living in the present and seeing a bright future ahead.
On another life improvement subject, I have recently been given a reminder of how easily life in general can head off course. I have certainly been guilty of traveling down the path of self doubt, self pity, feeling alone/lost and stressing about such things as work volume and customer complaints. As my life has always had a knack for doing I am sent a signal that reminds me of the truly important things and I find myself overwhelmed with gratitude for the many life blessings.
Many times I have found myself in awe of individuals that among struggles find amazing strength. I have often wondered how I would react in similar situations and whether I could truly display the amazing strength they possess. I find them an amazing inspiration in my life, and gain eagerness to find ways to better my life and that of my children. I believe heavily in an amazing goodness that can come from an interconnection between everyone, the impact that prayer, positive thoughts and a genuine interest to offer help to those in need. We can all benefit greatly from putting our selfish desires, wants, insignificant stresses and focusing on the greater good. Please feel free to join me on a path to make a conscious effort to be a source of light and goodness in this world. I want to focus on making the lives of those around me better and greeting each day with love for life, family and each other.
On another life improvement subject, I have recently been given a reminder of how easily life in general can head off course. I have certainly been guilty of traveling down the path of self doubt, self pity, feeling alone/lost and stressing about such things as work volume and customer complaints. As my life has always had a knack for doing I am sent a signal that reminds me of the truly important things and I find myself overwhelmed with gratitude for the many life blessings.
Many times I have found myself in awe of individuals that among struggles find amazing strength. I have often wondered how I would react in similar situations and whether I could truly display the amazing strength they possess. I find them an amazing inspiration in my life, and gain eagerness to find ways to better my life and that of my children. I believe heavily in an amazing goodness that can come from an interconnection between everyone, the impact that prayer, positive thoughts and a genuine interest to offer help to those in need. We can all benefit greatly from putting our selfish desires, wants, insignificant stresses and focusing on the greater good. Please feel free to join me on a path to make a conscious effort to be a source of light and goodness in this world. I want to focus on making the lives of those around me better and greeting each day with love for life, family and each other.
Sunday, November 24, 2013
Yep I Will Do That in Public
Each time I entered the gym to do a strength routine my eyes would instantly dart to every corner of the gym to survey the crowd. Would this be a day where the weights would be skipped for something I felt more comfortable doing in front of other people? Or perhaps there was no one in the gym and no fear of looking foolish. I remember days when I headed to the gym for a good weight session, made it half way through and ended up on the bike again because of an irrational fear of what others might think.
When I started my 12 week weight lifting program in October it required equipment that I did not have available at home. Therefore, I had to come face to face with this. It was important for me to complete this routine, and I knew what was necessary for it to happen. The first week in the gym was rough, and I even skipped a few exercises because I was not confident in my ability to perform them well. However, as the weeks passed I became more and more comfortable. As I neared the end of the 12 weeks I walked into the gym with very little regard to the people around, did my work and left. I had conquered this fear or so I thought.
After the 12 weeks ended, I was starting P90X, and was looking at doing it at the gym. So that first day heading into the gym with a new routine in hand my heart was racing. However, with the success of the last 12 weeks behind me, I got it done. Then I returned for each day after that. So I had overcome this anxiety and gained confidence in myself through the process. BUT... There was still one exercise that I was still not comfortable doing. The dreaded burpee around anyone that was not of direct relation to me was absolutely terrifying. I could barely do three of them without feeling completely exhausted. Therefore, as I started the 30 day burpee challenge this was a real concern.
I am very happy to report that two weeks ago I stepped in the gym and faced this fear head on. I have now done burpees in the gym, in my office, in front of my coworkers and even in a park. My burpees are far from awesome, but man have they come a long way.
Although this growing experience on the surface seems to be all about my caring less about what other people think, I believe it is more than that. I began to realize that this was about me. I was doing these exercises to better myself, my body and my life. Therefore, none of these people that I was so worried about really have a place in this process or the right for me to allow them to disrupt it. This journey has been very personal for me. Even though my family, friends and a few complete strangers have been impacted by it, I am doing this for me!
Thankfully I have come to a place where I don't care what they think about my form or physical ability. This journey is one of a very personal nature, and I am truly happy that it now resides in its proper place. Who cares what other people think about what I am doing. I am not doing it for them!!!
When I started my 12 week weight lifting program in October it required equipment that I did not have available at home. Therefore, I had to come face to face with this. It was important for me to complete this routine, and I knew what was necessary for it to happen. The first week in the gym was rough, and I even skipped a few exercises because I was not confident in my ability to perform them well. However, as the weeks passed I became more and more comfortable. As I neared the end of the 12 weeks I walked into the gym with very little regard to the people around, did my work and left. I had conquered this fear or so I thought.
After the 12 weeks ended, I was starting P90X, and was looking at doing it at the gym. So that first day heading into the gym with a new routine in hand my heart was racing. However, with the success of the last 12 weeks behind me, I got it done. Then I returned for each day after that. So I had overcome this anxiety and gained confidence in myself through the process. BUT... There was still one exercise that I was still not comfortable doing. The dreaded burpee around anyone that was not of direct relation to me was absolutely terrifying. I could barely do three of them without feeling completely exhausted. Therefore, as I started the 30 day burpee challenge this was a real concern.
I am very happy to report that two weeks ago I stepped in the gym and faced this fear head on. I have now done burpees in the gym, in my office, in front of my coworkers and even in a park. My burpees are far from awesome, but man have they come a long way.
Although this growing experience on the surface seems to be all about my caring less about what other people think, I believe it is more than that. I began to realize that this was about me. I was doing these exercises to better myself, my body and my life. Therefore, none of these people that I was so worried about really have a place in this process or the right for me to allow them to disrupt it. This journey has been very personal for me. Even though my family, friends and a few complete strangers have been impacted by it, I am doing this for me!
Thankfully I have come to a place where I don't care what they think about my form or physical ability. This journey is one of a very personal nature, and I am truly happy that it now resides in its proper place. Who cares what other people think about what I am doing. I am not doing it for them!!!
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