Hurts So Good!!

I started a new workout last week and it has lit a fire that feels so familiar.  It is one of those sneaky exercise regimens that looks easy when written down, and sometimes even when the workout is done. However, a day or two later something happens and I realize that workout really shook things up.

It is that moment when I wake up and something feels different than the night before.  I start to move but I am struck with the realization that my core muscles are so sore I am unable, under my own power, to sit up. Glancing at the end of the bed I am grateful to see the dog and I can use her weight on the blanket to pull myself upright.  But now I am met with an even scarier task. I must figure out if my leg muscles will allow me to stand.  I mentally scan the workout to figure out whether there were squats, lunges, etc.. Upon the realization there were a few dozen I hold my breath, prepare myself and stand.

To my surprise I find my legs feel alright.  That is until I take a step.  I feel a soreness and think what in the world used that muscle. I am not even sure I knew there was a muscle in that location.  

I hobble to the bathroom and realize there is a squat between me and the toilet.  I grit my teeth and just

sort of fall.  Ah, I made it!  But wait a minute I have to get back up.  

I begin to ask yourself irrational questions such as: could I stay here all day?  can I call my husband to help me stand up again? No, I have to get the kids up, shower, dress and go down.... Oh crap I have stairs in my house now!!!  What am I going to do???!!??  

Alright I will admit that is a bit of an exaggeration, but I have had those feelings at one time or another along this journey.  And to be honest I love the sore feeling that comes from a good workout.  It means something is changing and getting stronger. 

So let the fun continue as I head back in the right direction toward a healthier and stronger version of me.  And if you see me walking a little funny, it is OK to laugh but remember those new muscles will make me stronger and faster so it won't be as hard for me to catch you.  

Namaste!

Hope, Change and New Beginnings

Today our calendar shifted another year forward.  This causes one to  reflect on the last 365 days and look back at opportunities missed and goals unfinished.  A new year can provide a fresh start and new opportunities.  However, like any day on this journey, it is a chance to make a change, start a new challenge or goal.  It does not have to be the first day of a new year, new month or new week to begin work toward a better you.  If you want to make a change, do it now!

This journey has taught me that when a change is needed I can't put it off.  Too many times in the past I said to myself that I will start in a few days, next week or maybe even next month. Many times those milestones came and went without any action.  There were a few occasions that I would start with all good intentions and last a few days. weeks, etc and then hit a bump.  Here would enter the voices that get me in trouble.  They say well we messed up today or this week so we might as well wait till next week to start again.  For me this has been toxic.  I have learned that a bump can quickly turn into a 4 month detour if allowed more focus than necessary.  Therefore, I have tried to create a better mindset for when I veer slightly off course.

Accepting that slip ups will happen and sometimes they are much, much longer than I want to admit has been hard throughout this journey.  In the beginning, I beat myself up over them but found that of little use and left me less motivated to move forward.  I slowly started to learn to let them happen and pick right back up, even if sometimes it had been months of wandering.

Life is going to happen and to make a solid change you really have to be realistic in your expectations.  Making a change will be hard and life is not going to instantly become easier to allow you adjustment time to this new goal, way of eating, yoga practice, sleep pattern or whatever it is. There will be times you won't do it all right, but being mindful of the direction you want to head will always get you through.

Remember to create reminders of you intentions, tell others for both support and accountability and

don't be too hard on yourself or others.  We are all trying to figure out the best way to live our own lives and we could use some more love along the way.

Every day is a blank tapestry.  There will be some where we paint a beautiful masterpiece and at the end of the day we have such satisfaction with all that was done. However, other days will leave

us a mess and appear more like a splatter painting.  Each one will hold amazing beauty of their very own and contribute in such amazing ways toward the much larger work.

I wish you luck in all your endeavors and a happy new year.  Might each day hold the same opportunity to start fresh, refocus and renew that you feel on this first day of each year.  

Stress and sweet success!

This has been a rough week, and I had a very rough night.  I was consumed with difficult feelings and felt lots of stress.  These are dangerous times for my journey to health because I have a really terrible relationship with food.

As long as I can remember I have reached for food to relieve stress, comfort me when I feel discouraged or lift my spirits when I was sad.  It is embarrassing to admit that I have this relationship with food, but it is so true and has been a contributing factor to my weight issues throughout my life.  It is something that weighs on my mind when I think about celebrating with my kids by going out to dinner or getting ice cream.  I worry that I might be teaching them similar habits.

However, in this situation when both stress and sadness hit I turned to friends instead of food.  It was

hard at first but a lot of relief was found in telling them the struggle I was facing and getting their support.  Even a few laughs were shared, and I felt stronger.  I am truly blessed to have people in my life I can turn to when things seem to close in around me.  Whether it is to share all the details with the realization that they won't judge me, but that they will love me through it or just to help me feel accountable to myself not to eat my feelings.  They all help in such wonderful ways, and I am so very grateful.  

So even after a difficult night, I am proud to report that there is Christmas candy in my house and the packages are still sealed.

Here we are again...

It has been a rough year, and the medical issues have taken a toll on my body.  I know there could have been more proactive measures taken to not let it get this far out of control.  I could have taken only the necessary breaks and not extended ones.  Certainly keeping my eating in check while i was unable to be physically active would have helped.  Regardless of all that, this is where I start over.

Instead of beating myself up for all the weight gain, muscle lost and conditioning that will need to be restored, I am going to celebrate that I have returned to this place. There were times I feared all was lost but a little voice in my head continued to remind me of that active life I loved, those times in the gym that made me feel invincible and the workouts that were rough but ended with such sweet success. I might have strayed far, but something inside me knew to keep adding little reminders so I might return here.

Of course the little voice alone did not conquer this major veer off course.  I must give credit to my

guides, who without, I might not have returned so soon.  The are friends that are determined to return to their journey.  It was their invitation to join them, which I was VERY reluctant to accept, that really kicked it all back into gear.  There is something about having others to talk/share with and give/receive support from that makes this seem easier to tackle.

As I wrap up day four of this newest turn back in the right direction, I feel strong, determined and powerful.  I can't say that I will always make the right decisions when it comes to food and being active because I have learned that I will slip and fall from time to time.  However, the right friends and that little voice that doesn't quit will help me find my way back here each time I stray.

So here is to strength, determination and darn good friends.  Please let them all three stick with me in the coming months as I turn this ship around and head back to being healthier and fitter.

I don't have all I want......but I have all that I need!

I don't have what some believe to be the ideal body, a kayak or two would be great to have for weekend fun, when driving around the campground today we commented about how much fun it would be to have a camper, there is always something I would like to have or put on the list of wants.  But when I pull out that ever growing list of things I am reminded of how truly blessed we are with all that God has provided.

After 16 years, I still wake up to a man that I adore.  OK, OK.  I will admit that it is not always adoration, but way more that than anything else.  We have two children who make me feel a love that seems beyond any possible measure.  Sure they bicker, irritate each other and sometimes I have to bribe them to just be quiet, but I would not change them.  We have jobs that may not be perfect but provide the means to food, water, shelter and clothing for our family.  Our bodies may not be perfect, but they allow us to travel and explore this wonderful world.  

I have learned important lessons throughout life, but some have become deep rooted within me.  One of them is that when looking at what I have and my blessings it is not necessary to look at my bank account, my house, my cars or any material possessions.  The true value does not lie in the items that can be counted, but instead in those things that are impossible to measure.

My soul is full of gratefulness for all the blessings I have received.  Life isn't perfect.  It does not lack some discomfort, hardships, arguments and moments where I am less than the best person I could be; however, it is all part of the trip.  

If I could put onto canvas my road through life, it would be a mess.  There was some childhood angst, preteen bullying, teenage heartache, losses that seemed impossible to recover from, overwhelming financial obligations, angry words that could not be taken back and tears.  But even more so there was friendship, unconditional love, encouragement, first kisses, falling in love, happiness, joy beyond measure, new beginnings, laughter and so much beauty everywhere.  All together it is the most amazing masterpiece.  I would not change one single thing.  

As a result of the many blessings I have received, my hope is to provide value through my

 interactions with others.  Every time we cross paths with another whether for a moment or a lifetime we can either increase their blessings or take from their joy.  I aspire to leave them with a fuller cup than when they arrived at our junction.

May we each enrich the lives of others in beautiful ways, be grateful for our blessings each chance we get and love wastefully.  There will never be a time that the world couldn't use more joy, peace and love.  Be the good you want to see in the world and others will catch on...

Adulting Can Be Hard

Sometimes being an adult is the last thing that I want to do.  I love my family, but there are days where I don't want to be "Mom" and am not interested in cleaning the house. I don't pretend these times don't exist or hide behind a shield of trying to be perfect.  Instead I own up to the moment and handle it the best way I see fit.

There are days where I run away to the mountains to leave all that adult stuff behind and fill my soul with the goodness only mother nature can provide.  At times I lay around reading the latest Facebook news and allow the kids extended computer time so I can veg longer.  Then there are moments where I pack us all into the car and go find something to do whether grocery shopping, dinner out, the dog park or another city adventure.  Just to break the funk and move forward.

I have grown to understand that life is too short to take too seriously.  I don't let a bad day turn into a bad week.  The dishes, laundry and dust will be there if today does not feel like the right day for adult responsibilities.  And the children are going to grow up just fine even if mommy takes a night to veg on mindless activities.

Most of all I have learned that one of my least favorite parts of adulting is having a full time job. This certainly does not mean I don't do it and do the very best I can.  I take great pride in my job, the relationships I have through it and the quality of the service I provide.  However, I would choose any day to be hiking in the mountains over being in an office all day, even though I work with some awesome people.

So...what it does mean is that my job has a place in my life that is just as important as the play portion

of my life.  I feel that it is imperative that I remain focused on this balance to ensure my future ability to handle being an adult.  I also feel very compelled to pass this on to my children.  It will be with

great pride that I am able to witness my grown children balancing a career and all the things they love to do outside of work.  I want them to cherish this balance as much as their father and I do.

All this being said I will be the first to admit that we have had to make a lot of sacrifices to have this balance.  However, I would not change a thing.  We are blessed to have enough to work, play and explore.  May these experiences enrich our children's' lives, our lives and be an example to others to play more often.

Hello Old Friend

Sometimes we connect to places, things and people in profound ways that are hard to explain. There is a comfort about it that puts our soul at peace. This is one of those places for me.

There was something that tugged at my soul when I first set foot in the Green Mountain state, and it has had a hold of me ever since. It was like no place I had ever traveled in the states, and I was immediately drawn to the unspoiled beauty.

As we traveled on familiar roads today and explored new areas, I felt such bliss.  I can only describe it as feeling like visiting a good friend. My soul finds peace, joy and fulfillment in these beautiful mountains.

I feel so blessed to be able to travel, explore and experience what truly fulfills me.  I am truly honored to share, although not always with the same vest, these journeys with my husband and kids.  I know Kent shares my love for these adventures, and I hope my children grow to cherish these times and do the same with their kids.

Excited to spend the next 3 days in this land I hold so dear.